Comedy of Errors Part 1 (Please excuse me as this is not an edited version. It was written whilst I was going through drug experimentation courtesy of the Australian Defence Force)

PREFACE

I am Lieutenant Commander Carol Evans of the Royal Australian Navy Reserve.  I have completed a Bachelor of Science (Information Systems), Masters in Islamic Studies and Masters in International Relations focusing on Nuclear Security.  I transferred to the reserves in 2006 after being a Seaman Officer and an Intelligence Officer.  I have driven ships, held Top Secret Clearances, represented Australia on an exchange posting with the United States Navy, trained Australian Defence and Civilian Intelligence staff as well as trained Intelligence staff from South East Asia, South Asia and the Middle East and traveled extensively in the Middle East, Europe, United States of America and South East Asia, yet at writing this it seems that I gave all as I have been left with nothing and my name has been tarnished.  I would just like to offer some facts in my defence as to why I have been left in such a predicament. It is a bit of self-analysis, a chance to share some enlightening experiences and a chance for my daughter to one day know her mother.  I don’t write to make myself an angel as I am not perfect but doubt that my current predicament is really in the best interest of my daughter, myself or those along the way that tried to assist me. It is not a book for admiration but for clarification as I feel it has been a career that without pointing the finger can only be described as a comedy of errors. To give the complete picture and perhaps an understanding for my current predicament I have taken my story back to my introduction to Defence and Defence life.  This really began at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  I wanted to study law but they did not offer it so I took the next best thing, Bachelor of Science. 

I applied for an Australian Defence Force Academy Scholarship in 1987.  By this time I had been in the Royal Australian Navy cadets for three years, Training Ship Bundaberg and was motioning towards a career either in the Royal Australian Navy or the Police Force.  The Royal Australian Navy won in my instance.  My application for the scholarship was successful and I received the high sum of $400 at beginning of 1988.   The following year I believe the scholarship went up to either $1000 or $2000.  But that is life isn’t it.  But at the end of the day, the scholarship process gave each applicant a chance to go through the selection process for the Australian Defence Force Academy.  Those that were successful did not have to build those towers again, talk to the psychs or do any of the group team building with people watching their every move again for entry into the Australian Defence Force Academy.  Those that were not successful, if they were still interested could go through the testing again the following year for entry selection.  For the successful recipients of the scholarship, they still had one academic year to complete and were still required to achieve the appropriate academic score to ensure that they met the University of New South Wales entry requirements for their selected degree stream.  

For me, I achieved what I needed and had also applied to the University of Queensland for a Bachelor of Science degree as well as the Australian Maritime College in Tasmania with one of the Australian Shipping lines.  I felt as though I had my bases covered. On accepting my place at the Academy and prior to arrival to the Academy in January 1998 and with foresight that there might be light at the end of the tunnel I chose to contingency plan just in case that light was extinguished.  I deferred from both, University of Queensland for two years and The Australian Maritime College for one year in case it did not work out with the Academy. 

For the Christmas break of 1988 before embarking on my trek south my mother took me for a well-earned break north.  It was to be my first of many overseas trips.  We flew to Singapore and Hong Kong, spending three days in each place.  It was a fantastic trip, my first overseas and an introduction to an Asian culture that I was later to come to appreciate and embrace.  Oh and the shopping was great.  The streets of Singapore and Hong Kong normally are magically lit of a night with lanterns, fairy lights and advertisement lights but during Christmas time, the streets become magical in appearance in some respects mesmerising for all that look upon them.  For me, I went hand in hand with my $400 scholarship money and picked up one of those skirt suits that many were to wear on our arrival in Canberra.  It was my first suit and something that made me feel comfortable wearing. Even in 1988, that $400 did not really stretch too far, the $1000 or even $2000 would have been more appropriate for my shopping trip.  It was also a good time to spend some solid time with my mother before heading off and starting my career.  Unfortunately or should I say fortunately I did not wear that suit for my flight down but chose to wear a long skirt and blouse that I had made at school, it was something that I received good marks for and considering the luggage that I had to carry, would not restrict my movements or crush in transport.  One of my class mates on arrival wore a suit like the one I bought, but managed to rip the skirt trying to carry her luggage to her accommodation block which was a bit of a trek up a hill from where the buses dropped us at the Academy. My trek to the accommodation block although I did not rip my clothes was just as challenging.  The male cadet escorting me to the accommodation block offered to help me so carried my handbag leaving me to carry a large suitcase and ironing board in a skirt and high heels.  There were no wheels on the suitcase – if only they were standard issue on a suitcase in those days as I am sure I looked quite funny struggling with both.  But this was to be equality and I would not have expected anything more.

1989-1991 Attendance at the Australian Defence Force Academy. 

I remember the first day like it was yesterday. It was the 20 January 1989.  The contingent from Queensland, the whole 40+ of us flew from Brisbane airport to Canberra airport on the one flight.  Over a third of the contingent was female and I was one of them.  It was the first year that so many females had made it through the selection process.  Before, females were seen as a minority, now they were about to be seen as equal, but not before being significantly challenged emotionally, physically on both professional and personal fronts. 

On arrival at Canberra airport we were all ushered on to buses with the logo down the side, Australian Defence Force Academy for our short transit from the airport to the Australian Defence Force Academy or ADFA, as we all became to know it.  On disembarking the plane, chivalry was out the window, we were equal, and females were carrying, dragging large suitcases in high heels and short mini skirt suits.  It was hard to look feminine but we were entering a male dominated field, femininity was to be left to the anatomy.  We all had only one suitcase and many people had brought their own ironing boards as well as the irons that we were told to bring.  It was really a funny sight, young sixteen to eighteen year olds carrying their own, or should I say dragging their own suitcases and ironing boards towards the buses and ultimately placing them on the bus.  All trying to look professional, after all we were about to attend the prestigious Australian Defence Force Academy, where it had been drummed into us by the various recruitment centres that only the elite of Australia’s 16-18 year olds attended.  Many were recipients of the monetary scholarships the previous year as an incentive to keep to our chosen path.  It also meant that they had their families and schools bragging of their achievements for twice as long.  Were our heads twice as big – probably!

The schools especially if they were from a small country town, acknowledged publicly via school assemblies or local newspapers of our achievements and our selection at the elite Australian Defence Force Academy.  It was something the schools could use to have the younger grades to aspire to and still is, irrespective of what is read within my story.  It is not a one off story of hardship or abuse and in some respects I fell into a culture of alcohol abuse that placed me in positions of vulnerability. I don’t identify with alcohol being an excuse for my actions or actions of those around me but it was definitely a factor.  For me, my selection story was placed in the local paper. I got to sit on a rock with three other girls that had been selected from Bundaberg the same year.  The photo with a little nice blurb was placed in the local paper. It was nice to be recognised for our achievements and at that time the Academy was still new and still highly regarded.

With regards to my previous comments about alcohol not being an excuse it can not be identified as justification which seemed to be the case for what I experienced and what many of my colleagues had experienced. Just because a female is intoxicated does not make it right to have sex with her even after she has said no or has been put to bed.  Similarly a female has a choice she can be the victim she can relive it every day in suffering, something that court cases do or she can move on with her life.  Sometimes when she chooses to move on with her life it is as if the rape was now consenting between two adults.  This has the result of some being deemed as sluts or the term at the academy was squids.  Most females put on a face and put up with the gossip, comments and abuse.  You can laugh it off or you can fold, we only had two choices.  Especially when we witness frequent incidents that would go unpunished with the female ending up either crumbling, failing or embracing the situation and basically becoming a bitch.  But what I have described was a culture that was not restrictive to the Australian Defence Force Academy, after all date rape, which is what it really is, was common and no doubt still common in most universities.  It is just that the public usually are not paying the wages through their taxes of the perpetrators.  And as no defence to them, they were usually drunk when they committed the offences.  Drunkenness, along with the hype of being the elite of the elite of high school graduates equated to ‘God’s gift to women.’  But this book is not about hatred to all men or hatred to all Australian Defence Force Academy graduates or hatred towards a system that in many cases failed many females and males, it is how the system through all its faults shaped my path towards completing two masters degrees, one in Islamic studies and the other International Relations with a focus on Nuclear Security and ending up spending a couple of years in the Middles East and Europe before returning to Australia with nothing to show for my efforts except experiences that I would not want anyone else to experience.  It is interesting though considering my intelligence training background that prior to my return I was jailed and on my return I was drugged and sent bankrupt but ended up working in a prison system with a focus on security systems and providing education to prisoners. Especially considering the situation with our current prison system inadvertently hiring a known drug dealer from Europe as a prison guard and the apparent experimentation being conducted on soldiers returning from war zones being experimented on with psychiatric drugs.  Both of which I seemed to have been briefed on through various conversations and although not my choice had first hand experience to be able to make educated comments upon. But then again I really did not have a lot of choices with my career, I seemed to get knocked down quite often and enter an area that was undergoing change, was high profile or was representative of an issue that might not be in the interest of the Australian Defence Force or Government.  For some reason, I always would enter being the under dog, be disregarded but end up with all the information about the situation and those involved then moved as change was beginning or about to occur.  The movement for me was usually after an incident that I was involved/placed in to ensure that where ever I moved to I would be seen as the under dog again.  Do I have anything to be proud of – I would say yes, but I was not perfect and through writing this book welcome feedback good or bad from those mentioned in it as I know I can justify what I have written but am happy to take negative criticism as that encourages debate and perhaps debate can bring learning for myself and others.

This book is a chance to explain to my daughter, why she lost her mother, Well the only way her mother can make any sense of the events that led up to my departure from her and the events surrounding my return to Australia.  I always tried with my career and was never negatively reported on, I did have challenges as stated incidents but considering the incidents was always placed in higher profile positions that had access to higher ranking officers, policy, responsibility and information and on my departure from the permanent Defence Force, access to overseas locations where I was regularly placed in places under the view of senior police and defence officers in overseas countries.  It was at my transition from permanent to the Royal Australian Navy Reserve where I lost my daughter and it is because of this loss that I am writing this book, as the story surrounding our separation does not really align with the facts.  When I lost my daughter I always put my respect for her first and as such ended up being shown some amazing things, experiencing things that no woman would ever want to experience and seeing the efforts that are being made by some very good people around the globe to ensure the future of my daughter and her global friends, our children.  By choosing this path, it made it very difficult for myself but then I could not have it any other way, even though the pain was very high for me I would find a way to deflect it which I guess gained the respect of others for them to allow me to experience things in the way I experienced them.  I owe a lot of people gratitude and do respect other cultures, religions, beliefs and human life. However for me personally without sharing with my daughter or experiencing her life I have never felt whole.  I know that parents reading this will understand.  This is not a sad book, it is not for tears I do that in my own time, this is a comedy of errors based on fact.  I have made light of some of the situations I was placed in, and in some respect showed a humorous side but in fact there was a lot of pain and a lot of crying.  I really don’t want to remember the pain and do not really want to share it but want to show these experiences in a comical light. Because at the end of the day, pain in some respects is good, it is a learning experience and is an emotion that we at sometime do need to experience to appreciate the better things in life. If you can look back at painful experiences and laugh then you got through and you are a stronger person for it. Those or the elements that perpetrated the pain no longer can hurt you again.

Chapter One – The Early Years.

Arriving at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  The first day saw us being allocated to divisions.  There were 23 divisions that aligned to 23 accommodation blocks. It was communal living where four cadets were allocated a wing on a floor that shared a bathroom and a laundry.  Each had a lockable room that also held a safe and a lock for their rifle. Each block could hold 48 cadets.  There were three divisions to each squadron.  The accommodation blocks were only new as the Academy only opened in 1986. There were no requirements for lifts as each block was only three storeys high and after all we were the elite so why would we be taking a lift for anyway?  I was allocated to 21 Division Foxtrot Squadron, it was the further-est division from the Assembly Hall, the location that we congregated in and were welcomed by senior Military Officers.  On receiving my allocation a young Air Force Cadet came over to me and informed me that I was to collect my bags and follow him to the Division.  On retrieving my bag from the really nice line we had placed our bags in on disembarking the buses, he asked if I wanted a hand with my things.  I said that would be nice.  He carried my handbag and left me with my oversized and over packed suitcase.  It put a smile on my face at the time as it still does today.  He was a remarkable person and I know that he went on to have a great career.  I proceeded to push my bag up the hill to the Division. 

That first week, referred to as the induction week, was for the first years (me and my fellow new acquaintances) to become acquainted whilst being yelled at for not meeting tasks allocated in the appropriate time frame or to the appropriate standard.  Friendship’s at the start were not apart of the picture, we only had time for cleaning, sharing advice on cleaning and keeping our mouths closed when third years (the senior cadets), staff or anyone else of importance was to pass by.  The tasks allocated to us were the basics, cleaning and turning up at specified places within unrealistic time frames.  The aim I guess was to instil a sense of urgency in us as well as encouraging us to develop strong bonds for teamwork between the three or two other first year cadets that shared specified living areas.  Strong bonds not necessarily friendships at the start.  There was little sleep in the first week and on the 24 January 1989 (short week but it might as well have been a month) we knew our way around the Division, the Squadron and the Academy. 

Before the Academic year could commence for us we were required to complete a couple of months of military training.  This training consisted of a lot of what we had learnt in the first week, drill instruction, physical training and testing to get people up to the minimum standard of fitness required to pass the Australian Defence Force Fitness Test.  It also consisted of Military briefs and instruction on Military history, law, etiquette and some live firing exercises with our rifles.  I remember being on the range conducting a live firing lying on the ground next to one of the male army first year cadets.  I believe that during the live firing I was shooting on his target instead of my own as he had more bullet holes in his than he fired and well my target they could use again.  He would later become my boyfriend during my Academy days and would go on to become part of the SAS.  Guess they were impressed with his firing ability to attract bullets to his target.  During this time we were also required to split into our various services and conduct Single Service Training.  For the Navy Officers, this meant going to HMAS CRESWELL at Jervis Bay.  It is located in a Cove on the New South Wales Central Coast.  There we were given instruction on Maritime and Royal Australian Navy history and career guidance.  We also went sailing a lot, a necessity and a luxury when after all the sea was to be our future office.  There was also a day allocated to going to sea on various RAN ships for a day to experience real Navy life.  For our army compatriot cadets, well they got to go into the Australian bush and basically dig holes and live off ration packs and for our Air Force cadets, well they got to go to some Air Force base and watch other people fly.  At the end of the Single Service Training we joined back together at the Academy with the second and third year cadets to undergo rigorous Drill Training.  Learning how to walk in a synchronised format with our fellow Cadets whilst carrying a Rifle to show our family and friends what we have learned which was to be displayed at an open day and parade for family and friends before commencing the academic year.   A parade consolidating the military drill training that we had spent so much of our time learning.  The parade at the beginning of the year is for the first year cadets and their families whilst another similar parade is held at the end of the year for the third year cadets’ graduation, which is usually followed by a Graduation Ball for them and their families.  All families and friends are welcomed to attend either parade and it is the only two days that a first year cadet feels human as opposed to a tool.  Well that was my experience!

For the parade in the first year I had a large entourage come down from Queensland, my immediate and extended family, which was quite big.  They would regularly come down basically for each parade every year that I was there.  My family along with everyone else’s were given a chance to observe the parade, sporting fixtures, tour of the complex and on completion a chance to spend some quality time with their daughter, son, sister or brother in the wider Canberra area.  For the cadets, it was a chance to relax, consolidate their thoughts and take a well-earned break.  It was time to feel proud of what they had achieved as the time was hard and it was meant to be hard.  That first parade was a turning point for each first year cadet as they could at this point choose not to continue at the Australian Defence Force Academy and revert to an alternative career plan or university.  Some chose to leave, but the majority stayed.  After this weekend of family fun the academics were to start. 

The first week of academics was for enrolment allocation and book acquisition.  It was a chance to meet the lecturers, tutors and establish familiarity with the various academic departments, academic rules and regulations and supporting administration institutions.  After all we were there for a degree not to get a Doctorate degree in marching.

I enrolled in a Bachelor of Science Degree with Chemistry, Oceanography, Mathematics and Information Systems as my subjects.  For that year I only passed one subject Information Systems but I did not receive a warning until late second year.  Perhaps it was related to incidences I had experienced perhaps not but the fact is unlike a lot of my class mates in similar academic peril I was one of the few if not the only one without a warning.  You see my situation throughout my career has always been unique and this is the first indication and chance I have had to share this uniqueness.

The first weekend of the academic semester was a large party for all the cadets in the Officer’s Mess (place where meals and drinks were held).  I cannot handle alcohol and never could but like everyone else was in for equality and would try and keep up with those around me.  Emphasis on tries as it was never successful I fell over backwards once I reached my limit.  I woke up the next day in my bed.  A couple of the other cadets had taken me back to my room and one of the girls checked on me that night.  The next day I had to front the Cadet Hierarchy.  During that period of time the cadets themselves had a lot of power within the Academy and could inflict punishments.  The Academy Cadet Captain was chosen by both staff and nominated by fellow classmates along with the other four hierarchy positions.  Award was based on military, academic and physical performance over the first two years. They along with the various Squadron and Divisional Cadet Captains were able to give out punishments to fellow and subordinate cadets alternative to that administrated by the Academic Staff or Military Staff.  For me, for getting drunk and falling over I was restricted from drinking onboard (nautical term for ‘at the’) Australian Defence Force Academy.  I was only seventeen and was not turning eighteen until December 1989, so I thought that was a fair punishment.  After all the Australian Defence Force Academy at that time allowed all cadet’s to drink irrespective of age provided it was responsible drinking (tongue in cheek).   They informed me that the bar staff would have my name and that I would be refused drinks at the bar and would be reported if found to have other people purchasing drinks for me.  On my single service training I found out that there was another officer with a similar name to me and that they would need to be informed so the bar staff did not restrict the other cadet.  They informed me that, yes that was right they knew that and then chose to inform me that they knew that this happened to me on the single service training.  I informed them that that was incorrect.  I met the other person with the similar name whilst we were attending to another girl who had gotten very drunk.  The other girl was from her Squadron if not Division.  I really didn’t drink on the single service training, I wanted to sail everyday and play softball not be suffering from a hangover.  After a bit more discussion the decision was made that a passport photo of me would be placed behind the bar for six months.  Basically I was only being restricted for six months and as my birthday was in December would be back drinking underage at the bar again during the year.  This practice became the standard as anyone from then on that was placed on bar restrictions had a photo of them placed behind the bar and I believe the practice of allowing cadets under the age of eighteen to drink at the academy was stopped after my departure.   During the six-month period I was informed by a few people that they had seen my photo behind the bar, it wasn’t a problem for me and I didn’t let anyone put me down for it.  After all really it is because of my discussion with the Cadet Hierarchy that such a practice was established.

But why I didn’t pass my subjects that first year considering how well I had done academically to get to the Academy.  The emphasis was never placed on academics and in some respects it was as if the emphasis was military with academics being a sideline.  I also was at fault because I don’t think I was ready to start to really knuckle down to Academia in such an environment.  It wasn’t until my thirties that I started to really consider academia as an option and went down the path of completing two Master’s degrees whilst working and looking after a child.  But we will get to that later. 

At the Academy we were required to attend approximately five to eight military subjects a week on top of the academic load we were each carrying.  Emphasis was placed on the military subjects and physical fitness so that became the priority for me in some respect.  Poor performance in academic subjects was seen as poor military bearing but that never showed until mid-year or end of the year at exam time.  Poor military bearing was acknowledged daily if you fell behind in military subjects or fitness that was what no one really wanted.  We were also required to regularly attend parades or be at the call of the third year cadets on a daily basis that also interfered with study options. Many first year cadets did not do well with many receiving warnings by the end of the first academic semester.  They either managed to pull themselves out of the hole they had placed themselves in or would walk a fine line for the duration of their stay at the Academy.  It was not uncommon for a first year cadet to fail one or two subjects pass on to second year and pick up a couple of extra subjects to get themselves graduating on time.  Some would repeat the year or have a plan in place to repeat the second year.  I know of one cadet that failed every subject the first year, repeated the year and failed every subject the following year.  He would attend every mid day meal, there were three sittings to allow for cadets to fit in a meal around their academic and military classes so basically he was eating six meals a day.  He didn’t want to be there but his dad was very high in the army, was a Vietnam veteran so he was kind of obliged to stay.  It was only after failing the first year the second time that there was little justification to keep him continuing with a military career. But he was an amazing guy great character and considering what he ate still quite trim and fit. I am sure he did very well in civilian life.  I lost my key to the room I was in early in the first year.  I informed staff, was punished accordingly but did not receive a key for a good month.  During that time our rooms were to be always locked.  Staff would regularly check on our rooms during the day ensuring that they were neat, tidy and spotless and if they found a door unlocked they would lock it.  I spent that month coordinating with the other cadets that I shared the bathroom and laundry with times for return to the division and would enter their rooms and conduct a ledge crawl to get into my room.  Not easy when you are wearing a dress or a skirt and it was a bit of a drop but I needed to get into my room.

There have been many references to sexual discrimination over the years with the Australian Defence Force Academy.  Within my division apparently a couple of years before me a few cadets were expelled for drugs, marijuana and were notorious for picking local Canberra girls up and performing acts with them and letting their friends know.  One had even tied a girl naked to his heater and left her there to be found by his friends.  Whether the stories I was told were real or fictional, they were there and there was enough substance to indicate there were elements of truth in them.  I believe I was placed in the very room that the girl was tied to the heater in, after hearing that I did not really feel very comfortable in that room.  Sometimes when you tell people they are the elite they start to believe they are entitled to certain rights, but sexual abuse was not one right.  However not all took on this attitude and there are some amazing nice guys who came out of the Academy that went on to have great careers and served their country well.  I also attended a party away from the Academy that first year where I tried to keep up with my friends alcoholic exploits, unsuccessfully, only to fall over and be placed to bed by my good girl friend and her boyfriend.  Both cadets.  They put me to bed only to find me later being raped by another party attendee.  They got rid of him and the following week the girl and another one of our good girl friends reported it to the staff for me.  The staff member informed them that nothing could be done and that if I wanted to take action I would have to go to the police.  Both were shocked at the response and did not encourage me to go to the police.  But my rape was not the first and definitely was not the last for me or for other females. That was my first year, failed academically, raped, 6 months banned from drinking in a bar below the age of 18.  What had happened?  At least I had still my deferral from University of Queensland.  In the second year a good female friend was raped at the Academy and her rape was reported to the Australian Federal Police Force.  Every one knew which probable made her feel uncomfortable but nothing happened and it seemed as though the case really took second place to the Academy, after all the establishment was new and was not going to be tarnished so early in its career.  She was a remarkable person and only received financial compensation a good five years after her case, not for the rape but I believe for the poor administration after reporting the rape.

Sexual discrimination appeared to also occurred in reverse when it came to sporting fixtures in Canberra.  I played Soccer for the Australian Defence Force Academy Firsts team.  The first year I was there; there was really only one team; the firsts and we did not play in the first division in the Canberra competition.  But I was to play in the firsts team for the four years that I was associated with the Australian Defence Force Academy.  Later we had enough girls to place two teams in the Canberra competition.  I was not a good player but I was not a bad player, I was just a consistent team player.  And it showed as I was always left on the field for a full game. I very rarely came off.  But our competition was played in the early hours of each Sunday morning when the Canberra Winter was at its coldest.   Our counterpart males had the luxury of playing in the afternoon for their competitions, when the sun had melted all the ice and it was once again safe to head the ball.  For some reason they had fewer injuries than we expereinced.  But when they did they were good.  One of my good male friends in his first year fell over and broke the bones in his left forearm.  It’s OK. It is soccer you don’t use your arms, he was told by his fellow team mates just get up and continue playing, which he did.  Fortunately for him that even with a caste on his arm he was still able to complete the run and heaves for the Physical Fitness Test, even though it was not required until the caste came off.  He never considered himself as a God’s gift he only ever considered himself as someone that pushed him self to extremes.  He was the one that I shot on the target of and would later become my boyfriend. Not sure why the SAS took him when he went for selection but I guess they liked the attitude of keep playing at all costs.

I will admit that the Department of Defence was on top of the Medical Treatment for the Australian Defence Force Cadets.  Within the first six weeks I had had countless inoculations and medical checkups.  I think that every inoculation that a person is supposed to receive from their birth to their adult hood was administered to each cadet in those first six weeks.  Within the first three months I was having my wisdom teeth removed and I had not even felt them break the surface of the gums.  The operation was conducted on a Friday, minimum down time as I had the weekend to recover and there were five other cadets lined up for the same operation to be conducted.  We were each wheeled in one after the other.  After I came too my mouth felt a little bit sore but I was still able to bite through the skin of an apple which was my meal of choice after the operation.  That year there were quite a few girls that were suffering the effects of shin splints, a condition that was quite common amongst females that joined the army.  Unfortunately for us at the Australian Defence Force Academy, even being Navy or Air Force cadets we were required to carry packs and run along bitumen roads in boots.  The common cause of shin splints and reasoning why some Army female cadets opted for a transfer to the Navy or Airforce as after the Academy they would not be required to partake in such barbaric activities.   For the Navy or Airforce female cadets, they could take a bit of restricted duties time out and not attend such activities for quite sometime.  Although this was a physical reprieve, emotionally it did cause some females more problems and stress with trying to prove themselves still committed and fit without causing further injury.  In some respects, the belittlement was the same as for a female not being able to pass the Physical Fitness Test due to sheer laziness.  Because in the eyes of some males and some staff, it was laziness that was making females fail the Physical Fitness Test (which was a lot easier than the males test) not injury, the stress associated with injury or other issues as with abuse because they could pass it on arrival. The stress that this belittlement or abuse would cause would evidently lead to failure within the academic area.  This stress would always surface in the first year with many leaving at the end of the first year whether they failed academics or not, it was a decision point as no debt was accrued by the cadet if they left after the first year. Considering my poor performance and the fact I had no warnings, I chose to stay.

At the end of the year after completing a few weeks of Single Service Training and my first ever Nuclear Biological Chemical Defence Course.  What would be the first of many, I stayed with a friend and fellow female cadet in Sydney for a few days before heading back to Bundaberg, Queensland to have Christmas with family and old school friends.  The time in Sydney was good but the bus trip north to Queensland was an awakening.  I was taking a Greyhound bus, bus of choice to the budget traveller in those days.   It was the 21 December so the bus trip was going to take me a good sixteen to eighteen hours travelling north on the Pacific Highway.  I chose to have the night trip so at least I could sleep the time away.  Defence had given me some money too make my own way home as requested by myself instead of flying me all the way there.  I did however agree to flying back so that my return travel expenses were completely covered by Defence.  My parents knew what day I was travelling and what bus service I was using.  I told them as it got closer I would let them know my arrival time.   The buses were a little bit unreliable with regards to arrival times in those days.  It was all peaceful on the bus until late or should I say early morning the bus driver told us that we needed to make a detour and at our next stop people should phone their relatives to let them know that they are okay. 

Unknown to us but what we were to read in the following days newspaper was that two buses had crashed on the very road we were travelling on a Mc Cafferty’s coach and a Tran City coach.    At Clybucca flat twelves kilometres north of Kempsey New South Wales two coaches with no mechanical issues travelling at the speed limit of 100 Kilo meters per hour crashed killing both drivers, 33 passengers and injuring 41 passengers.  The Sydney bound McCafferty’s coach was found with its front embedded in the front five rows of the Trans City north bound coach.  It was to be Australia’s worst ever bus crash, known as the Kempsey’s Bus Crash and hopefully that will be the case for the future because it was not the first bus crash for the Pacific Highway.  A couple of months earlier a bus crash with a truck occurred on the Pacific Highway in the same region with 21 passengers dying and 22 injured.  From both crashes the Coroners outcome was that the Pacific Highway was to become a dual carriageway.  By 2009, this outcome was still to be achieved. I would question today if that has successfully occurred.  I phoned my parents and they were relieved to hear my voice.  So was I because the North bound bus that I was travelling on was only half an hour behind the North bound Trans City bus and the Coroners report also found that as no breaking was found by the south bound bus that the driver was at fault as he was probably asleep.  The direct impact on our bus was that the detour added another three hours to an already very long trip.  But we were not to complain as to what could have occurred.  That was my first horror bus trip, my next was from Kathmandu, Nepal to Darjeerling, India the following year.

Once home, it was good to meet up with family and friends. My parents were relieved to have me home. As any parent would be they were concerned about me travelling on the bus after such a horrific incident.  My sister was still happily married and her and her husband were doing well in Bundaberg.  She worked at Woolworths in the fruit and vegetable section and he well he did something, not sure what it was.  They had a nice house in the town and my sister had bought land near one of the beaches.  I was a bit down as I had just failed three of my four subjects but not beaten and was not showing it.  My Christmas break was spent relaxing, walking to the beach, which was a two and a half hour walk away from the town area and just spending time with family and friends. It was a chance to get over my mishaps of the previous year.

After a quiet Christmas with family and for the New Years Eve period, myself and a few of the other cadets from twenty-one Division hired an apartment on the Gold Coast.  My Aunty had booked us into an apartment at Kirra, the southern part of the Gold Coast.  We would venture up to Surfers Paradise for shopping, catching up with other cadets and going out on New Years Eve.  But for the beach we stayed around Kirra.  New Years Eve was great but as we were a Limo drive away and not a walk we decided to go to the Casino as it was the only place that we knew was open twenty-four hours.   It was 3 am and we found a lounge area for the six of us.  Basically it was a chance for us to take shifts in sleeping ensuring that we didn’t get kicked out but staying in a place where we knew we could get a taxi by 7 am back to the apartment.  It was a great night but as you can see by the time that we crashed, we were not real party animals, even on New Years Eve.  After our little escapade on the Gold Coast we parted ways before meeting up back at the Australian Defence Force Academy for the New Year. 

After accepting the fact that I failed three subjects, I had promised myself, as everyone does around Christmas and the New Year the following year would be different.  How could I have failed so dismally, especially in science and maths subjects, the two subjects I excelled at in school and State competitions?  Two years ago I received an award for coming in the top ten percent of the State for Mathematics?  For me I think that failing at academics caused me to start failing at the Physical Fitness Test as it was not until the second year that I started to have serious issues with completing the run in the designated time.  I was failing it, not from physical exhaustion but from not having the physical and mental will to complete it.  It was the only aspect of the test that I had concerns with during my days at the Australian Defence Force Academy. 

January 1990 and now I am a second year cadet.  New year and back at the Academy before induction week to prepare for some quality Single Service Training.  The Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Defence Course that we had completed at the end of 1989 was in preparation for our sea training.  It is a requirement for every Naval person, officer or sailor to receive the training prior to posting onto a ship.  It goes hand in hand with the Sea Survival Training that we had to complete.  During the Sea Survival Training we were basically thrown out into the water of Jervis Bay in these big fully sealed orange suits that kept us dry and instructed to swim a certain distance to safety.  It was better than the initial throwing in the sea we had to endure, where we were fully clothed in our dark blue hard to iron long sleeved and long pant action working dress. In the action working dress we were instructed to take off the pants and tie the ends of the pants in knots, throw them up in the air to fill them with air then seal the waist to use them as floatation devices.  No one could really do it and we were using more energy trying to fill the pants with air then if we tried to just tread water.  It was a bit of a disaster and quite comical looking back.  Whilst in the water in our action working dress we were required to clear ten meters underwater, simulating clearing a burning oil slick then tread water for half an hour simulating waiting for someone to come and rescue us.   Fortunately for us it was a beautiful day and we did not have to deal with a swell, rain or wind. It is unlikely that we would need to be rescued in such perfect conditions but it was a chance for us to get to know how to use our action working dress effectively and how the orange survival suits could be used to save us in the water.  More cadets, including me expelled more energy then conserved it trying to fill their pants with air and the resulting floatation devises were nothing like the demonstration.  In a real scenario, I think I would forget about using my pants as a flotation device and would aim to use one of the orange survival suits. 

On completion of this small survival training the Australian Defence Force Academy second year naval cadets were all going to sea, all going together and we were told it will be fun.  We were to go to sea on Her Majesties Australian Ship (HMAS) JERVIS BAY for a deployment from Jervis Bay, New South Wales to Cairns Queensland.  Basically for the deployment we were to work along side the sailors that were embarked in the ship but were accommodated in our own mess decks, female separate to males, were responsible for cleaning our own mess deck and we also had our own eating area.  So we weren’t quite with the sailors and we weren’t quite with the Officers, we were in no mans land.  We had been split up into two watches giving us time to work around the clock in a shift system.  Most of the work done after hours was cleaning the various deck halls and brass of the ship alongside the junior sailors that had their own watch system.  Whilst cleaning one deck I did get talking to one of my junior sailor counterparts, apparently he had joined the navy under the General Duties system where by he was a junior sailor for two years doing general duties mainly cleaning, then near the end of the two years he could apply for transfer to any other branch for qualification or simply resign.  The idea was that the sailors under such a system would get a chance to work with each branch to see what suited them, whether it be a gunner, diver, stores rate, cook or a communicator.  For him he was leaving after his two years.  He came from a wealthy family and his father had told him that unless he served his country he would be cut out of the will.  It was the only way of serving in the service for the shortest period of time that he could find.   I had met another junior sailor that had loved the freedom of being a sailor as she did her work, her shift and in her spare time off watch she was completing her masters degree.  There was no work after hours, which gave her plenty of time to study and she loved to travel.  The navy as a sailor gave her both.  I remember one of my friends, another Officer, got talking to one of her sailors one day and found out by accident that her sailor was in her second last year of completing her aeronautical engineering degree.  At the time she had not thought about changing over to become an Officer and really was only doing the degree out of interest.  She was quickly talked into changing over and her interest became her career.

During the deployment, some relationships did develop between the junior sailors and the female junior Officers.  It did start segregation between the male and the female cadets.  The females involved were treated very badly by their male counterparts.  All of this came to a head when we reached Cairns.  By this time there were rumours that some of the girls were involved in sex acts on the ship with the sailors, that the acts had been filmed and in Cairns I remember attending a party at an apartment where some of the girls were openly showing their affection for the sailors.  For me it wasn’t the case.  I stayed for a while but left soon.  There was the development of a big rift between the females and the male cadets, which was to be felt for a couple of years.   And the male cadets were more than happy to let everyone else know of what occurred, everyone that wanted to listen which were our fellow male army and air force cadets.  At the end it was confusing who was worse those that did the act or those that spread the malicious rumours destroying lives.   Staff never intervened but just let things get sorted out.   I didn’t have a relationship with one of the sailors but I still had my blunder.  The last night we all went out to one of the nightclubs, I tried to keep up with the drinking but was unsuccessful.  I ended up out the front in a very compromising position with another totally intoxicated male navy cadet.  It was very compromising we were both very drunk, and everyone knew about it.  There was no rumour just fact.  I learnt early to walk into a room knowing everyone had comments about me.  But that next morning, I hadn’t even reached the hangover stage, I was still drunk, so the comments towards me slid off my shoulders.  I guess what saved me from being segregated was that it was with another male naval cadet, it was obviously consenting on both of our behalf and he was popular amongst the guys.  It wasn’t a common thing for me to be known as dating different cadets.  The result, some cadets thought that we should have been charged for the open display of affection, but nothing happened.  I ended up going a bit grey after that, trying to keep a low profile.  After that trip we were all on a flight back to Canberra.  Our single service training was completed and the tropical paradise of Cairns I was not to revisit until my third year as a cadet.

Back at the Academy we were required to commence parade preparation.  It was a good chance to meet up with my fellow new first years, well now we were called second years because we were in our second year.  Quite basic for the elite, nothing to confuse them: I mean us!  By this time quite a few of us had actually moved from being acquaintances and became good friends.  One of my good male friends had just come back from a trek to Nepal.  He was the one with the broken foe arm and at this time we were just good friends.  He went on an Australian Defence Force Academy organised trip, so that the participants could gain a good deal for the cost and they could list it as Adventure Training so that items bought could be claimed on tax. Most importantly, but something we really did not think about is that it covered them medically if anything was to happen.  The trek saw them go from Kathmandu to the base camp of Everest. The trip and the photos sounded and looked amazing and were reason enough for me to put my name down for the same trip at the end of the year.  During the first week, we as second years basically tried to keep out of the way of the first and third years and the games they had to play for the first week, the induction week.  It was not till later in this year that this friend would become my boyfriend and him along with another one of our good friends from the Division would regularly go trekking and climbing around Canberra.  I think I was taken climbing more so that my boyfriend and our friend had someone extra to belay them – always the safety number!  It was during this year that I joined the Army Alpine Association, and I believe I was one of the first females to join if not the first.  It was also my first introduction to the current Governor General who was the patron of the Army Alpine Association. 

The parade preparation went well, but I was still feeling very sheepish because of the event that occurred with me, alcohol and the other naval cadet as well as failing three of the four classes in my first year.  The pressure was not placed on me by the Academy as I was not placed on a warning like other cadets, but I still felt the pressure and the humiliation which was self inflicted at this point.  I was also still influenced by the conversations I had had with the sailors about their studies and career aspirations.  I loved my time with the communicator sailors on board HMAS JERVIS BAY and decided that I wanted to transfer out of being an Officer and become a sailor going down the Communication Branch.  If I wanted to change over later to becoming an Officer then I could but in the interim I could have a career working my way up the sailor ranks and then applying to change over to Officer.  The idea sounded perfect to me and I could be in the second half of the year intake for communication sailors. 

I went to my Divisional Officer. He was a Navy Lieutenant at the time, Perfect I thought.  I told him that I had a great time at sea on HMAS JERVIS BAY and looking at my career options that I would actually like to transfer over to become a sailor within the Communications stream and work my way up from there.  Later if I am good enough to become an Officer I would apply and hopefully would be successful.  I just felt that this way I could get to sea earlier, have a career structure in place and whilst there could work on obtaining the necessary Bachelor’s Degree required to be an Officer.  He informed me that he would look into it.  Basically that translated to no but I was left in a bit of a loop for a couple of weeks.  He came back to me to say that the University has agreed to change my degree stream to Bachelor of Arts instead of Bachelor of Science.  I was a bit surprised, actually extremely surprised.  But I went onto graduate with a Bachelor of Science Degree after four years instead of the normal three years but only spent three years accommodated and under the military command of the Australian Defence Force Academy. The forth year I was handed over to Navy Office, where I was positioned in the Training Directorate and accommodated at HMAS Harman, the Admirals base.  That year is an interesting story in itself and I will discuss later.

The parade went well and we as second years became immersed in maintaining a link between the first and third year cadets.  We were also preparing to immerse ourselves in our academic and military studies.  During this year as Information Systems was the only subject that I passed and it was always hard to get on a computer down at the labs at the last minute I decided to buy a computer, an Apple Macintosh of course.   During the Parade Preparation time I saw the lecturer to ask him if there were any deals open to us for the purchase of such a computer but there weren’t.  The only deals, discounts that he was aware of were at the Australian National University.  I couldn’t get there as I did not have the leave during working hours and basically I doubted that their deals would extend to us.  I decided to ask my parents if they could look at the local Apple Dealership in Bundaberg to see what they could do for me.  I wanted to purchase an Apple Macintosh and Dot Matrix Printer (It was 1990).  I was studying Information Systems and basically it was the computer that we used for our studies and assignment completions.  They were able to purchase the computer for me and along with a Bicycle were able to bring them down for me when they came down to view the parade.  Both were purchased from an account that they still held for me that had money paid to me from injuries incurred in a car accident when I was eleven. A car accident I am surprised I survived but obviously there are reasons.

The computer became very handy and the Bicycle, well I would set little challenges for myself.  Like riding with my boyfriend (we started seeing each other about the middle of the second year) from the Australian Defence Force Academy to Woden shopping center.  It would give us something worthwhile to do for a winters weekend that did not cost much and was good for my fitness.  The return trip would also take us most of the day as it is quite a distance.  As previously stated I had also joined the Army Alpine Association in support of my boyfriend and our other friend.  At that time its military patron was the current Governor General.  When I attended the meetings that they held, I was the only female in the lecture theatre but it never deterred me.  At the time my boyfriend and our friend were planning to take part in the next Everest assault that they were planning.  They, the members of the Army Alpine Association had already made two attempts at Everest. My boyfriend and our other friend planned on training in New Zealand at the end of the year. 

For my second year academics, the other subjects that I chose to complete were, repeating Chemistry, Mathematics and starting Geography.  By the end of the second year I only passed the Information Systems and Geography subjects, I was also struggling with the Physical Fitness Test but still passing.  I had basically lost a lot of confidence in my academic ability which was reflecting in my fitness.

That year for the mid year break I returned to Bundaberg and went out with a few friends. We went to the local nightclub where I ended up bumping into a couple of other cadets from the Academy, they were not from my year but from the third year.  One was a New Zealand cadet that was in my Division.  I ended up going back and forth between them and my friends from home.   Yet again I would try and keep up with the alcohol unsuccessfully.  I don’t remember leaving the nightclub, and when I woke up alone and half naked in the local motel room all I could remember was seeing their faces there in that room.  I felt sick, really sick.  I had a boyfriend, I had cheated is what I felt.  When I returned to the Academy, I told one of my fellow male naval cadets what had happened.  He was a good friend of the New Zealand cadet and his response was

‘He should not have done that!!!!’

The New Zealand cadet was known for using females and having little disregard for them.  I felt a bit of relief with his response but I still had to tell my boyfriend.  The friend that I had told, the male naval cadet the previous year we had talked extensively about leaving the navy and joining the Australian Federal Police.  We applied for the paper work but never actually got to the point of submitting the paperwork but our paths would cross continually during our naval careers, mostly when there seemed to be most at stake.  For me to complain at the time, against a New Zealand cadet what would have been the ramifications?  Some would say I was a coward, some would say that I was always consenting, or that I initiated it.  But there was no way, I initiated it, I never wanted to cheat, evinced by the fact that I told my boyfriend at the time as soon as I saw him.  I also had in mind the fiasco surrounding the investigation by the Australian Federal Police into the navy cadets rape case and the advice given to my friends when reporting the rape that I experienced outside the academy.  The Academy at the time was running abortion buses to New South Wales for female cadets, subjecting humiliation on cadets that was beyond belief and continually pushing them to succeed, where the males responsible could hide behind their uniforms and talk down towards the very females that they got pregnant.  The females were not forced to have abortions, they just could not stay at the Academy if they were to proceed with their pregnancy and their career with their selected arm of the service, whether it be Army, Navy or Air Force was subject to evaluation.  Their identities and procedures were not really kept in medical confidence by the medical staff as names were listed and placed on walls in the medical facility for other cadets to see.  We were all career minded females on arrival and this career mindedness was continually pushed into our outlook on life.  Even other females, started to be bitchy towards other females as a means to make themselves look good and apparently improving their career aspirations, it was sad. 

When I finally saw my boyfriend on return, he came into my room and he was just so excited! Me I just wanted to crumble.  I told him what had happened and he just left the room.  I wasn’t expecting to see him again, well not as a boyfriend or as a friend because I had cheated but as we were in the same Division we would have to still see each other.  But later that night he came back to me to talk.  We ended up staying together but at the start it was a bit strained.  He was the one that was not God’s gift to women, the one with the broken forearm still playing soccer and doing heaves, the one that went to Everest and the one that stuck by me.  Our friend and a few other guys always stuck by me, I was pretty lucky that I had some great, nice guys surrounding me.  But I still felt sick with not having any recollection and not knowing what actually occurred in that motel room.   And yes it probably affected my desire to continue with my academic studies which in turn affected my physical fitness.  There isn’t really much more to say about the year but to fast forward to my Sikkim trip because that was an amazing way to end the year.  Most of my weekends could be said to have been to prepare me for it because they were spent in the National Parks surrounding Canberra, trekking, climbing and illegally camping with my boyfriend and every now and again a few other friends.

The trip to the base camp of Mount Everest that my boyfriend completed the previous year was being organised again this year but this time they were going to trek through Sikkim as it had just been opened to Western tourists.  Sikkim is in the Himalayas but it was a part of India on the border of Nepal, China, Bhutan and tenuously Bangladesh.  It is approximately 7,100 feet above sea level and we were to find out that Everest was still visible from there.  The trek would incorporate going up to the base camp of Kanchenjunga, the third highest mountain at 8598 meters above sea level in the Great Himalaya Range. Similar to my boyfriend’s trip, the trip required documentation to be drafted to state that it was a military Adventure Training to ensure that we were all covered medically in case anything happened. It also allowed us to purchase items and claim them on tax.  For me I purchased a backpack, negative ten rated Mont sleeping bag, Paddy Palin multicoloured thermals, and a pair of Scarpa Italian walking shoes.  The backpack I lost in Austria (2011), the thermals were worn thread bear by 1992 and the negative ten rated sleeping bag and Scarpa Italian walking shoes are still going strong.  Both have since travelled the world extensively with me.  

We were to fly out of Canberra, stopover in Bangkok, Thailand for one night then fly to Nepal.  That part of the trip went by with no problems.  In Nepal we stayed at a private house for a couple of days to become familiar with the culture, food and Kathmandu.  We went on a couple of short walks without our backpacks, just to become acclimatised and familiar with our walking gear.  We visited a few Buddhist and Hindu Temples. It was also a chance to mingle with the locals see the market areas and try some great street food.  It was a beautiful place, and yes the air quality was amazing and what you would expect for being located centrally in a valley of the Himalayan foothills.  I had never smelt air that had smelt so fresh and sweet.  It was very clean.  The place was amazing; the people were friendly and always smiling.  The houses were barren outside but when you went inside they were amazingly decorated with intricately carved pieces of furniture.  They knew how to welcome guests; the tea was always flowing to accommodate the whole twenty cadets that came on the trip.  The food was predominately warming soups and curries.  After all we had travelled to the highest place on the globe during their winter.   It was going to be a very cold trip.  Before we came on this trip we were told that we could not tell anyone that we were in the military, yet we each had a multitude of Academy tracksuit pants and jumpers with the words Australian Defence Force Academy written all over them.  Guess we were just hoping that no one could read because there was no way we were going to walk around with not wearing them in the cold.

After the couple of days in Nepal, basically relaxing and acclimatising to the altitude, it was time to head to Darjeeling in West Bengal and our starting point for our trek to the base camp of Kanchenjunga, Sikkim.  It was time to start thinking about what we came here really to do, trek up and down the Himalayas from Dusk to Dawn for two weeks.  We were taken down to the local bus stop.  The bus looked like an old 1970’s school bus and what we would expect to see in Asia with the front window and driver’s seat heavily decorated with stuff (only way to describe it and Please do not take this as cultural insensitivity).  The men loading the bus threw our backpacks onto the roof and loosely tied them down.   We didn’t realise that they worked for the bus company and at first were reluctant to hand over our backpacks.  At that point, and after seeing some people start to find seats on the roof we just assumed that we were probably not going to see our backpacks again.  There were a couple of shops near the bus stop area and a few of us went over to see what we could purchase in the way of provisions for the bus trip.  After all it was going to be at least seventeen hours that we would be linked to this very bus for our life.  At the shops they were selling this brown liquid and motioning it towards us with a smile.  One of the guys bought a bottle and tried it.  It was alcohol, most of us bought a bottle.  We did not know what type or label, we were just told it was whiskey.  The choices were looking dim, the thought of I have got to sleep on this bus trip was pretty much written over everyone’s faces. We each bought some small snack packets to eat along the way but had been informed that we would be stopping for meals and they were included in our ticket prices. 

It was time to load the bus with us.  Our bags were on the roof along with some economy paying customers obviously.  We were obviously not going to be driving through any tunnels or going under any low lying overhangs as the bags on the roof were stacked in some places three or four high.  Walking onto the bus the seats did have cushioning but no head rest area, there was no allocation of sitting and we were able to sit where we wanted but it had to be two to a seat as the bus was fully booked.  Luckily for me I took a window seat with one of my fellow female cadets sitting next to me.   We had both bought a bottle of Whiskey but decided to save one and just drink out of the one bottle.  It was medicinal after all, the other one we could save for later as not just being medicinal it also had very warming properties to it.  A priority if this bus had to stop for any long period of time. 

The drive from Kathmandu initially was one that I was dreading, over seventeen hours in a bus, but ended up being one of the most amazingly, funny worthwhile and exhilarating experiences in my life.  It was initially slow going whilst we tried to get out of Kathmandu but once these guys got on the open road they were happy to put down the accelerator and we were happy to respond by taking a swig of whiskey in case.   You could not actually drink the stuff just swig it because it was very hot.  But back to the drive, the scenic drive, there was a lot to look at which is what you would expect in the Himalayas, and the thin roads carved out of the side of hills allowed you to see all.  At one stage you looked down the glass of the window and you were looking over the side of a cliff.  This happened quite often as the roads were basically apart of the cliff faces.  When on coming traffic was approached on straights, the bus driver did not necessarily slow down but continued at almost the same speed and some how the vehicles were able to pass each other without touching in certain areas.  On corners they would slow down a bit but not to what you would expect or want to stop the heart from racing.  It was an event that everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime because you are never sure if you will make it to the end and that exhilaration brings the life out of you.  With regards to our meal stops, the first was interesting it was basically stalls for handouts of snacks and the toilets, well lets just say that we had experienced digging holes in the bush and to be honest for some of them, even though the cold made them look cleaner, the holes in the bush seemed more hygienic.  Thank goodness for whiskey – it has so many medicinal cleaning uses. 

The seventeen hours was to be a drive through the Himalayas over night.  Our speedy Gonzales driver, driving a big overladed bus on narrow roads cut into the sides of cliffs in the dark.  We were feeling very safe with our Whiskey in our stomachs.  But our driver was also a bit of an Entrepreneur, as the light was fading he placed two benches along the center aisle and started to take on more passengers.  He was overloading an already overloaded bus.  I decided that this was a good point to go to sleep.  Unfortunately for the female cadet sitting next to me, she had another local male passenger decide that her shoulder was very comfortable to sleep on, so with the language barrier could not fall to sleep without being groped.   By morning, or should I say by light, the benches were gone and so were the extra passengers.  I am unsure when the ones from the roof left the bus but as it was a cold night I doubt that they stayed there over night.  We were now driving along flat ground and the driver pointed up towards a village in the mountains ahead.  I think he was trying to inform us that that was Darjeeling, our final destination by this bus.  Next to us was a rail track and a train, old one at that, that did pass us on our drive up the mountain.  The countryside was beautiful and so green the air again was fresh.  We were looking at the Darjeeling tea fields and enjoying the fresh air of the Himalayas. 

Due to the sensitivity of the location that we were trekking through, just being opened to the West that year, its location to China, the fact that along our bus trip and later trek we were to see quite a few Indian and predominately Sikkim armed military we were told not to tell anyone about the fact that we were in the Australian Defence Forces.  Just try to blend with the other entire tourists that are not here.  We really did not see any other tourists in such a big group that had males with all very short  and neat hair cuts.  We didn’t tell anyone but we just assumed that they could not read because each piece of clothing as previously stated, we had was blazoned with the Australian Defence Force Academy logo all over it and the words written either across the chest or down the leg Australian Defence Force Academy.  They wouldn’t have guessed what we did for a living. Considering most military logos look very similar in their military aspect and our conversations were predominately about our life back at the Academy or later how warn out we were.   Before we commenced our trek we had a couple of more days in Darjeeling to acclimatise and relax our nerves from the bus trip.  The hotel that we were booked into had no running hot water.  We thought we were going to die from the cold until we found out that there would be a local bringing around hot water in the morning to fill the bath tub and awake us at six am with a cup of nice hot tea.  We were acclimatising, having a chance to wash our clothes and start getting used to waking early again so that the days light would be dedicated to walking.  It was a very nice way to acclimatise. Similarly the food at the hotel was incredible, assortment of curries, rice and flat bread. Our staple for the days to come.  

Whilst in Darjeeling we spent a couple of days looking at the various Hindu and Buddhist Temples, and the most amazing school set out over a cliffs edge.  We were shown through the school, it was a Christian school that had been built in the time that the British held Sikkim as a Protectorate and had the tall steeple thatched roof, intricate carvings of wooden architectural features but most importantly the views of the valleys and mountains from the rooms were mesmerising. It reminded me of Kincoppel in Vaucluse Sydney, except for this school there were no houses crowding out the view of the school or the view from the school.   Finally it was time to move, to start the trek.  We were all looking forward to it with excited and reluctant anticipation.  Those mountains were big and we had to walk up them with all of our gear on our backs.  Ouch! Fortunately for us, the first few days we would be walking during the days and taking up accommodation in the various villages of night.  It wouldn’t be until we passed Dzongri that we would be camping out in the cold for a couple of nights.  It was Christmas time and it was going to be my first in the snow.  The first in the snow and one of  the highest mountains in the world!

The first day of walking we started to walk down into a valley through the tea fields. It did not feel right.  Kanchenjunga was a lot higher than Darjeeling we were to trek from Darjeeling to Kanchenjunga and we were walking down through the tea fields into a valley.  It was going to be a long hard trek and it was.  Especially considering how unfit we were compared to the Sherpas’.  The paths would only be wide enough for one person and when we were heading up the mountains they would start to wind and become very steep.  If you had a fear of heights you would have felt as if you were walking up the side of a building because when you looked down behind you, you looked straight down.  And falling back with a full backpack, you would have fallen some distance before you stopped.  Once we got passed the last village the Sherpas started to carry large baskets on their heads, Basically they were three times the size of our backpacks and without all the flash walking gear that we wore, would pass us half way up the mountain after leaving and packing up camp after us.  When we would meet them at the new camp, they would have already set everything up and had a wonderful cup of tea waiting for us.   They would provide hot water for washing evening and morning and every morning would wake us with a hot cup of tea followed by a hot breakfast.  They were amazing.  We only passed one other tourist group.  It was a young couple that were only carrying daypacks.  Their Sherpas carried the rest for them but they were on their way down the mountain.  For Christmas day we were given the day off from walking and everyone spent it in their sleeping bags in a small hut half way up the mountain to Kanchenjunga base camp.  It was too cold to get out of our sleeping bags and there was nothing new to see outside, because we see it everyday but we did enjoy the fact that we could just snuggle (to ourselves) there for the day.   We went up to a great lake and cabin the next day and made a fire in the cabin for the day.  We didn’t take our backpacks but left them at the last camp as this was just a day trip up and back.  It was an incredible place to see and it was amazing how warm the cabin became with the fire lit and how beautiful and clear the lake looked.  We had heard as this lake although frozen on top feeds the main river system for India, it was incomprehensible how something so pristine and clean could become a health hazard in the low lands.  But that is with most water river systems no matter what country – we as humanity always seem to mess it up.

On our way back down the mountain back towards Darjeeling, we were able to experience the local drink Tomba.  It is a malt drink, hot water poured over what appears to be malt seeds in a wooden cup and it is drunk through a wooden straw that has a carved filter in the end.  It was very warming and felt very medicinal if not alcoholic.  Only myself, a fellow cadet and an Army Major from the Army Alpine Association that went off to a remote village to try this drink in a remote village away from the other cadets.  We had an interesting conversation with what appeared to be a local elder from the area and did not overstay our welcome.  The return trek, well it wasn’t really just down the mountain, it was down then up then down then up then down and finally back up through the tea fields to Darjeeling and back to our hotel. 

We were able to enjoy another couple of days, recovery, clean clothes warm baths and we were off on another bus trip to Calcutta the final stop before our return to Australia.  The trip was a lot better than the previous bus trip.  The bus was a lot newer and the backpacks went underneath instead of on the roof.  The seats had headrests and it was air conditioned, not that we needed it in Darjeeling.  Calcutta was completely a new experience. It was a large cit with a large population that has a very wide range on wealth.  The hotel we were staying at in Calcutta was quaint and centrally located.  We had our evening and morning meals supplied but we chose to go out shopping, well immerse ourselves in the culture during the day.  So street food was the food of choice during the day.  The saddest thing I saw was a beggar on the side of the street that had buried his head under the asphalt with a tin placed next to his head for coins.  Poverty and Wealth was everywhere side by side but the children no matter what their wealth were always smiling.  It was like a concertina, it just folded into each other.  It would pull at your heart but does make you think about India’s Caste System and why begging is the common theme on the streets as opposed to crime.  I ended up buying the most amazing royal purple silk sari with gold thread embroidery. It is a treasure that I have been able to hold onto today and always reminds me of this remarkable adventure that I was lucky enough to experience so early in my career.  The flight back was via Bangkok Thailand but this time the stop over was short and we stayed at the airport.

After trip I had chance to go to Bundaberg to spend with family but lifting my backpack out of the car I put my back out and had to go to the local doctor to put it in.  I just spent the last four weeks trekking with this thing through the Himalayas  - no injuries and I put my back out trying to drag the damn thing out of the back of the car.  Go figure!!!!!!!  Yet the doctor was good.   He got me to lie face down on the table, one, two, three crack ouch – Oh that feels good now.  The doctor was one of those country town family doctors.  He was the physician at my delivery, inoculations, removal of Adenoids, he tended to me when I had the measles, colds, flues, sore ears, broken collarbone and now a minor back injury.  Fortunately for me this was the last time that I would need to see him in my life but as fate would have it he retired to Mount Tamborine around 2004, so not far from where my parents retired to or the last unit that I worked for the Defence Intelligence Training Center Kokoda Barracks at Canungra.  Ironically enough it is the Hinterland behind the Gold Coast. 

1991.  Back to the Academy.  My boyfriend returned with our friend from their climbing trip to New Zealand, both all in tack and was to become the Squadron Cadet Captain, our friend was his deputy and me, well with the number of subjects I had failed I had no position but was not required to repeat eventhough I knew I would not be graduating at the end of the year.  At that point I had no Idea what I would be doing the next year as I could not defer again from the University of Queensland.  I couldn’t complain.  I was actually happy, without a position it meant I could concentrate on my subjects.  It also let me be me which was a nice change. I was military but not really military in some respects, my ideas were a bit different and out of the box considering I had wanted to go from being an Officer to a sailor and had contemplated joining the Australian Federal Police.  Induction week I was not required to pull the first years in line, instead I was able to stand back and watch everyone else at their efforts.  Something I became accustomed to during my career – watching people at their efforts.  I was also able to admire my boyfriend and our friend in their efforts.  After the induction week, the third years, me or should I say we actually went on an around Australia tour in a Royal Australian Air Force aircraft.  It was a trip to visit the majority of the bases, whether they were, Army, Navy or Airforce.    It was an amazing trip and probably the most memorable was visiting Royal Australian Air Force Base Tindal, out in the middle of nowhere.  Well put in the middle of the Northern Territory.  It was like an oasis. Isolated very new and very powerful.  It was also very hot.  After the tour most of the females in my group headed to the pool.  We could not swim but we could certainly have some cold showers in the change rooms using the heat, hand dryers or paper towels to dry ourselves off when we were finished.  It was basically an Australian Defence Force Academy coordinated, Australian Defence Force funded private tour of every Australian state on one of our very own chartered Royal Australian Air Force 707s.  Definitely not a waste of money, we learnt how to drink in every bar around every base in Australia.  But it was only the best for Australia’s elite.  Were there any sexual encounters or mishaps, I don’t know I kept my head low.  My only embarrassment was because I was keeping my head low, basically forgetting to look up and lock the toilet door on the 707 and had one of the male cadets walk in on me whilst I was changing a tampon. A little embarrassing!  I was still recovering from what happened in 1990 besides I wasn’t really drinking so this mishap was about all I could handle.  I did have one of my friends with the same last name as me tell me once over an ale that I definitely did not have a drinking problem, I just tried to keep up with the other guys and with my size, it was just impossible.  I respected his words he went on to serve with our elite the SAS and he knew the New Zealand cadet very well and would have known about that mishap, yet he stayed a friend.

The Academic year for me was full again.  I had friends that really only had a couple of contact hours a week.  Me I had a full load, really the same number of hours as my first years.  I was completing third year Information Systems, second year Geography, First year English, and to make up some credit points Mechanics of Flight and Meteorology (Both subjects were to be completed by Air Force cadets wishing to become pilots.) It ended up being a very positive year for me as I graduated all subjects but I was one subject (second year English) short of the graduation requirements but I knew that at the start of the year.  Basically once I enrolled I knew that even if I passed all the classes I would not be graduating, with that in mind I just seemed to find it easy to pass but it was a lot of coordination. 

For the Information Systems and Geography subjects, I shared these two with a fellow female Naval cadet that I was very good friends with.  The Information Systems subject we were required to pair up and pair up with a Computer Science cadet to develop a calculator program from feasibility study to demonstration model for calculating ship’s stability.  It was a project put forward by the Department of Defence to be worked through by Defence Cadets.  Each year the various departments in the Department of Defence are given the opportunity to forward projects that they would sponsor to the Computer Science department at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  The Computer Science department then collates these projects providing an over view for students completing their third year to choose one for their main form of assessment.  By the time we saw the list there were limited projects remaining, and the one that we chose seemed the most straight forward and it was a navy project and as we were both Navy it could only help us in the future.  We hoped. Fortunately for us it did go well the Computer Science cadet that we worked with was a very good programmer and the marks were very high for the project. 

For Georgraphy, instead of writing papers we opted to put forward a video project, something we devised ourselves which was accepted by the geography department.  Basically it was a social geography project that we based on students at the Australian National University.  We were observing them in the bar, drinking with them during week nights (well we had to fit in ) then filming interviews with them.  We had given ourselves a social life outside of the Academy. We thought it would be easier and less time would have been required.  We were wrong, it was enjoyable but it took a lot of our time.  But similar to the Information Systems project we received very high marks.  The video required us to regularly go to the Australian National University, which we utilised to attend their functions.   The Australian National University, Australia’s lead University and located in Canberra, was a bit off limits for the cadets.  However we would regularly see other cadets there utilising the bar and gym facilities.  I guess some just wanted a break away to or from reality.  Could never really work it out.  I still spent most of my weekends going climbing or camping with my boyfriend and our friend but during the week I would head over to the Australian National University.  It was my busiest year and most enjoyable.

For the Information Systems project I took the lead, as the Computer Science cadet that we joined with just happened to be in my Division.  So I completed the majority of the feasibility study, purchasing the calculator for the Defence Department that sponsored our project.  It was programmed and after many meetings with them the Computer Science department for either developing further or purchasing handed over a copy of the feasibility study along with the calculator to them.  The Geography video, my friend, fellow naval cadet did most of the editing and due to her efforts we received very good marks for one choosing to gamble by completing a video instead of an individual paper and for producing such an insight account of life at the Australian National University considering our academic background.  It was dedicated work of self sacrifice and consisted of quite a few hangovers.

The first year English subject I enrolled in, I just fell in love with and did extremely well.  Before starting at the Australian Defence Force Academy I was a straight science and maths student, now the subjects I was excelling at could not be further from science and maths.  Meteorology and Mechanics of Flight were purely for the required credit points that they offered.  Both subjects were interesting and our friend (the one my boyfriend and I would go climbing with) would never be able to make it to the Mechanics of Flight subject. At that time he was in the Air Force and working towards becoming a pilot.  To assist him I would always pick up and drop off his assignments for him checking against his that mine were correct.  He was and still is very intelligent and one of our Queensland Universities is very lucky to have him. The pass or fail for these two subjects was always based on the examinations and the assignments along the way; well they were minimum in the marks area but maximum in the application.  They were also good subjects to sleep in, no one would seem to notice.  That was one big thing with the Academy and the cadets.  In the academic classes, lecturers did not seem to mind if you fell asleep in lectures, tutorials yes, lectures no. So you would regularly see cadets asleep in lectures.  The military lectures or classes, no way, people would always ensure they were awake for those.  Yet we were at the Australian Defence Force Academy to obtain a Degree as priority, yet at times polished boots would take precedence over completing the assignment a day early.  Not sure why I struggled but my boots were always sparkling.

How was it justified by cadets?!

 I only need to pass, I already have a job so I only need to get 51 percent.

And that was our syndrome during my day.

With this in mind quite a few cadets saw getting others through the classes as important and would assist.  It was not a competition between cadets so helping others with their academic studies became quite common but it did blur the line between helping and plagiarism.

Outside of my trips to the Australian National University, climbing camping, high workload for academic studies, I still had time for assisting one of my good female Air Force cadet friends.   Her third year was painful, happy and also a new start. She was a bit of a Golden Girl and would have probably gone on to become a pilot if she wished but her heart was elsewhere.  During the year she went parachuting for adventure training, and her landing was very rough resulting in her Tibia and Fibula both being shattered.   She was a very fit girl prior to the accident and very focused.  After, she was a bit anxious but still determined to pull herself back to fitness.  Well after she had the pins and splint that ran down the side of her leg removed.  During this time she also developed a very strong relationship with another female cadet.  Another Golden Girl that was in the Army.  When I refer to them as being Golden Girls, it is meant in respect.  Both being in their third year were amazing, fit, excelling at academics, one the army girl was in a very high Cadet position.  Their relationship was hard to keep quiet, my boyfriend and I would go out with them just so they were not going out by themselves.  But rumours would start.  At the time Gays or Lesbians were not allowed in the Australian Defence Forces, and some of our elite god’s gift to women male cadets were quite vicious in their rumours and treatment of the Army girl.  It got to the point that both wanted to leave.  The reasoning they gave was that they could not be posted together.  The military staff that they told, knowing that both individually had amazing careers ahead of them offered to forget that they were told to let them continue.  They pretty much said thank you but no and left.  I know at one stage they were thinking of moving to Brisbane and to get started I had organised for one of my relatives to put them up initially until they found their feet.  They ended up opting for Sydney, and the way both of them were, would have had a wonderful life.

As for the rumour starters, I know of one male that knew how vicious he was and was sorry.  He had finally grown up but it was ten years too late and only voiced his regret at his behaviour to me because he lost everything to a girlfriend whilst deployed overseas.   During my career I have heard other Officers, females as well as males voice how much of a bitch or prick they were at the Academy but that is it. That is all they do is voice it.  And usually they were a bitch or a prick to other cadets of their year, females that got into relationships that were not approved of.  Apparently everyone had the right to decide for others.  Or they were just bitches and pricks to their first year cadets when they were in third year because it was the first bit of power they had received.  For me was I a bitch, I was keeping my head low and camping out with a couple of people that chose to stay out of it all.  So no I don’t think so but welcome debate as I know I wasn’t perfect.  Do I have proof of if I was seen as bitchy or not?  Yes I do.  Trafalgar day at the Australian Defence Force Academy was a day that the first years get to play a joke on their respective third year without the third year having any right to complain.  Some of the jokes would be filling caps up with water and freezing them.  Destroying the cap.  Moving someone’s room completely outside. Beds, clothes and cupboards!  Honey poured through items of clothing, hats and shoes.  Literally destroying them.  If your items were destroyed generally it was an indication of how much you were not liked.  For me, I had my room turned into a submarine. It was amazing and something I wanted to keep but I had to replace everything back in its original position.  Nothing was destroyed and they had built a periscope, turned the lighting all to red with red paper, created a bunk bed system with my bed and tuned my radio to sound like a ships operations room.  I felt very fortunate and yes it put a smile on my face.

As things were looking up, I went back to Cairns in my third year.  It was the place where I had the indiscretion on my second year single service deployment from HMAS Jervis Bay to Cairns.  The indiscretion that kind started the hell second year for me.  One indiscretion and one incident where I do not know what happened with someone who could hold their drink and knew my situation with my boyfriend.  I chose to go to Cairns and complete two weeks motivational training with the Royal Australian Navy Hydrography Ships that were based out of HMAS CAIRNS.  It was a small base but a beautiful place.  I had only been to Cairns once before in my life and it was every bit as beautiful as I could remember it.  I even went back to the bar where I had the indiscretion in the car park.  It took a bit on my behalf but it was to make sure I could face walking back into anything for me.  In Cairns, the Royal Australian Navy had purchased two hotels to accommodate the Officers and sailors.   They were two very good hotels, well maintained and a chance to take some time away from everything. As the Hydrography surveying vessels could not accommodate us on board for the two weeks we would go out on them for a couple of days at a time then return to the hotel that we were accommodated in.   There were only two of us conducting the motivational training, myself and another female second year naval cadet.  I was motivated on completion of the two weeks.  I just loved being on the water, learning about navigation, learning about the stars, learning about surveying ocean bottoms and water integrity.

I was doing very well in a year that I knew I was not going to be graduating.  I had already informed my parents that I did not want them to come down for the parade and associated Ball at the end of the year because I would not be attending.  It was going to be hard enough for me to deal with not graduating and having to deal with having them there when there was no reason for them to be proud of me.   They didn’t take it very well, but as asked they did not come down for the parade or ball.  For me I ended up only attending the parade, I had to.  I was raising the Governor General’s flag for his attendance and watching my fellow classmates marching.  Watching their families and friends and how proud they all looked when they referred to the graduating class at the end and all the cadet’s caps were thrown up into the air.  But after the parade I only went to my room.  My boyfriend came to visit me before he went to the Ball with his family.  But that was pretty much it for me it was an early tearful night.  He called after the Ball as well but that was something I became used to.  I remember one night he turned up at my room in the early hours of the morning.  He was very drunk, had gone via the Convention Center picked up a suit and put it on, picked up a phone and took it and on his way running back to the Academy picked up a Wreath from the War Memorial for me.  I wasn’t too sure if the flowers were for me or if I should be appreciative.  I know he was a bit embarrassed the next day.  For that year I did pass everything and all I had left to complete for my Bachelor of Science Degree was second year English.  With regards to my boyfriends visit to my room bringing me a wreath, I guess he knew more about my career aspirations than me.  As at the end of 1992, after we broke up, He wouldn’t let me move on and would store his gear and use my car for him to complete his driving test, yet would not let me go out socialising with him or our group of friends from the Academy. I had made other friends but he didn’t seem to want to let me go or let me be with him.  It was very confusing.  I had our other friend state that he would want to be with me but as I did not want to break up their friendship, I chose to suicide as a means of not interfering.  I was also still concerned about the issues that had occurred to me at the Academy and know that it was their friendship with me that pulled me through when we were at the Academy.   I either pushed myself or was pushed through circumstances to attempting suicide. 

How was I going to complete my degree???

Usually people repeat at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  Unknown to me, it was already decided how I was to complete my degree.  I would not be staying at the Australian Defence Force Academy, but moved out to HMAS HARMAN, which was located in between Queanbeyan and Canberra.  It was a small base that’s main purpose was to house the Admiral’s Wardroom and the location of the Defence Communication site for Canberra.  I would be living in the Wardroom and transiting to Navy Headquarters, Russell Offices where I would be working for the Department of Naval Training and Education.  It sounded like it could be quite good.  I was not going to be repeating a year at the Australian Defence Force Academy, I would have the opportunity to complete my degree and gain an insight to how Navy Headquarters operated at the beginning of my career when decisions were not my responsibility.  I was to report to work at the Directorate of Naval Training and Education, Navy Headquarters Russell Officers on the 21 January 1992.  For me, for my boyfriend and for our friend it worked out well, we were all staying in Canberra.  My boyfriend was going to Duntroon, the Army Officer’s single service training for one year, our friend was staying at the Australian Defence Force Academy to complete his honours year and me.  Well I considered mine a bit of an honours year and a bit of single service training rolled into one. 

After having some well deserved holiday time in Bundaberg with family and friends, I drove my car to Canberra to take up my new position and to complete my Degree.  Oh, as a back step, that last productive third year at the Academy.  I also went for and got my licence.  I bought a car first as I figured it was the cheapest way to get lessons and driving experience.  Those that wanted a lift anywhere I would drive them provided they had a licence, giving me well earned practice.  I was busy basically learning how to drive.  There were only a few people at the academy with cars and I was one of them.  There was a tendency for them to be used by their fellow cadets for getting cheap lifts into the city.  For me, I turned it around.  I was using them.  I was able to get cheap driving lessons and practice whenever they wanted a quick run into the city.  I was expecting not to get my licence on the first go so did not really think about the money that I would require for it.  When I went for my test and they said I had passed it kind of placed me in a bit of a dilemma as I had to go to the bank and get some money and come back to pay for my licence before the Road Transport Authority closed.  Frustrating annoying but well worthwhile in the end, as I did not need to pay for any more lessons.  My lifts for other cadets became less frequent as I did not require the lessons anymore but sometime I would not leave them in a lurch and let them borrow my car.

Posting to the Directorate of Naval Training and Education at Russell Offices and requirement to still attend the second year English lectures and tutorials at the Australian Defence Force Academy whilst living at HMAS HARMAN, it was a good thing that I had my licence and my car, else it would never have been achieved.  The bus only went at specific times from HMAS HARMAN to Russell Offices and back.  There was also a service bus that went from Russell Offices to the Australian Defence Force Academy, but this too was only at certain times.  I would have spent a lot of time just sitting around doing pretty much nothing but waiting.  But the situation, with me outside the Australian Defence Force Academy military system, I no longer needed to pass the Physical Fitness Test.  I decided to get fit and joined a gym.  Once the pressure was off the desire grew to be fit

I arrived at HMAS HARMAN on the 19 January 1992 to take up my accommodation.  I was given a cabin (room) just down the corridor from the main entrance to the bar and dining hall.  The room had a single bed, desk with chair, cupboard and sink area for teeth and I guess shaving if I were male.  The window looked over the back bar area.  During my time there I never had the blinds opened.  The female toilets were across the hall from me and there were only three toilets and a powder room located there.  Down the corridor next to the entrance to the bar were the male toilets and showers.  There were the male toilets, two showers and a bath.  It was there that I was to shower of an evening and morning.  I was also to learn that three other male naval cadets from my class at the academy had also posted into HMAS HARMAN to complete their degrees whilst working at Navy Headquarters Russel Offices.  One was in the room next to me the other two were upstairs on the second floor in rooms.  Two of us were to be there for the whole year whilst the other two were only to be there for half a year before commencing their Seaman Officer or Supply Officer training.  The one upstairs that was required to complete his Seaman Officer training I was to meet up with later in life in Qatar 2010.  He had left the permanent service quite sometime before me and went on to become a nurse.  We had a discussion about his work in outback Australia and Psychiatric wards which are ironic in their nature and are only apart of this comedy of errors that is my life, my career!

The accommodation was good.  Of a morning we were each woken by a steward (sailor working in the Wardroom conducting services as waiting tables and bar management) with an orange juice at six am.  It was a nice way to great the day and took me back to my time in Sikkim where we were woken at six am with a cup of hot tea.  I guess it was one of those services that was carried over from the Royal Navy and as we were staying in the Admirals Wardroom, a service and a tradition that Navy did not want to lose.  After this each would go through showering, changing and walking down the hallway to the dining room.  Great on a cold Canberra morning, the central heating ensured we didn’t feel a thing, especially considering we were no longer required to go for a run at six am outside in shorts when the temperature is in the negatives.  Showering in the male showers/toilets for me at this time of morning was not a problem as there was no one else there besides my next-door roommate. Breakfast was always a buffet selecting of either a continental or full breakfast with full service being provided by the stewards.  We were required to be at Russell Offices by eight am for the days work, so it was never a leisurely thing but a time to prepare for the day.  If we wished we could organise to take sandwiches with us.  Sometime I would organise this or sometimes I would forget.  Basically staying permanently in the wardroom were us four Midshipmen (Naval term for navy cadet) Actually from the day we joined the Royal Australian Navy we held the rank of Midshipman.  It was an official Naval rank whilst our Royal Australian Air Force and Army cadets did not actually hold an official rank at the Academy.  Just one of those quirky things!  For an Academy graduate, the rank was held for four years, three served at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  For me and as I had extended my degree by one year I held it for five years.  I didn’t mind, as I was able to gain experiences that would not be afforded to me if I had just gone straight onto Seaman Officer training from the Academy.  There were also a number of elderly Commanders living in the Wardroom and a few other Lieutenant Commanders.  But the Commanders were placed in the Senior Officer block where more services by the stewards were afforded to them and the other Lieutenant Commanders were living in a block across the road from the wardroom where they were given more permanent accommodation.  They would receive two rooms, one as a sitting room the other as their bedroom, the block was a lot more private but of a morning they were walking in the cold to get to the meals.   Later a couple of Midshipmen and Sub Lieutenants moved into that block as it was designated as the Junior Officer’s accommodation.  Where I was living and my Academy counterparts, it was deemed temporary accommodation. 

I had mentioned that showering was not a problem of a morning when there was no one using the male toilets, but during the day or of an evening it was a bit of a problem, well I thought it was a bit of a problem that I would be showering in the very room that male officers would be using to relieve themselves whilst they were drinking at the bar or dining.  I would try and restrict my showering to times when the bar was closed but then you would have Officers buying up when the bar was closed and sitting around drinking and using the facilities as required.  At the time, Navy had females deployed on hydrography and supply vessels but was in the process of having this extended to the warships.  Employment on the warships was not an issue as either female or male could easily perform the functions. It was the accommodation that was causing concerns for the Navy.  Cabins were two or three for Officers so one or two cabins could be designated as a female cabin but there would only be one shower and toilet area.  This would require, changes in structures so that toilets and showers were visually parted to give either sex privacy.  I had the privacy in the male toilets, no one could see me shower and I certainly could not see anyone going to the toilet.  But we were not at sea and the male toilet was located right next to the Admiral’s bar.  I was an attractive junior female Midshipman that was showering in the male toilet area located next to the bar where male Officers or ranks Midshipman all the way through to Admiral would relieve themselves whilst drinking or dining in the bar with their mates or families.  The situation was different from the ships and I thought I should inform the Executive Officer of HMAS HARMAN whom was female at the time and married to another senior Naval Officer whose brother was to go on to serve as Chief of Navy. I thought this pertinent in case any wives of the various Officer’s or the male Officers themselves were to complain about my showering arrangements.  After all females were in some regards still new to the service.  It was at least two months before I received a reply and then I was scolded because of my lack of staff work.  The subject, or should I say dilemma highlighted by me was not touched but basically I was told to toughen up.  OK.  I did not respond any further but in a couple of weeks from that I was offered the opportunity to move across to the more permanent Junior Officer’s accommodation.  I moved and I was to stay in that accommodation until the end of the year when I posted out to HMAS CRESWELL. 

My time at the Directorate of Naval Training and Education was very informative, a huge learning curve and very rewarding.  I worked in a small office with two other male officers that were of a Lieutenant Commander rank.  One of these officers during my year there left the Directorate and the Navy to take up a Training Development position in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates.  My parents came down to visit me once during the year and my two co-workers offered to have a BBQ, so that my parents could meet them and as a way of giving a personalised farewell to our co-worker that was heading off to greener pastures.  My knowledge of the United Arab Emirates was limited at that time, I only really knew of Iraq and the issues associated with it at the time obviously as that is all anyone would watch at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  But this knowledge grew extensively through my deployment and studies or I should really say holidays to the Middle East in the years 2007-2011.  I really only started to study the region in the years leading up to this 2003-2006 when I completed my two Masters degrees.  Strange for someone that was failing his or her studies to want to go on to further education, but I did. 

My co-workers at the Directorate of Naval Training and Education and I were working in the projects section where our primary responsibility was to look at all major and minor Naval projects to identify the training implications and if the training implications had been adequately budgeted for by the project managers.  In the past, Defence project budgets would get blown out due to the managers not considering the training implications adequately.  Each new piece of equipment had to come with training for use and training for maintenance.  This could be training that is contracted out for the duration of use of the equipment or would consist of the contract providing a Train the Trainer program for both use and maintenance.  Allowing either Officers or sailors to receive the appropriate training for the equipment that is procured for a long duration of use.  I guess the most memorable one for this was the ANZAC Class Ship project.  As a junior female Midshipman I was able to attend many of the project meetings and conferences.  Usually I was the only Midshipman there and in most cases the only female.  My section was responsible for ensuring for the Commodore that we worked for that all training aspects were considered.  I remember that bunk spaces, which is always the case with ships was going to be the tightest Navy had seen for a ship and there really was a squabble about the scheme of compliment (Number of Officers and sailors posted to the ship per rank, branch and qualification.) The ships were being built in Australia and they were also being built to accommodate female Officers and sailors.  Suddenly the Navy was in desperate need of having female sailors qualified to all levels in the majority of qualification to ensure the bunks would be filled.  So now the Scheme of Compliment had to deal with a female to male ratio, which was set by the number of bunks allocated to each Mess (Name used to refer to junior sailor accommodation.  Would consist of bunks, cupboards for uniforms, toiletries and personal clothes and small rec area where there was seating, coffee table and usually a television.)  The Scheme of Compliment for the ship was to first be based on functions to be formed, that is weapons firing or maintenance, cooks, stewards, supply and vitals and aircrew).  This was further broken down to accommodate the male to female ratio with regards to available bunks in the male or female mess.  And to complicate it further, we had to allocate at least 10 bunks for training billets.  Sailors that were basically qualifying, equivalent to finishing their apprentice time.

They could still use the hangers for further accommodation if they required for the junior trainees that were posted for shorter durations but there still had to be at least 10 trainee bunks allocated.  At this time, with all the conferences and meetings occurring for the project everyone was fighting for bunk space on the ship.  It was interesting to see what the major concerns actually were for the new ships.  It wasn’t that they were going to be fitted for and not with but that the Supply Branch was going to be down a number of sailor position on a ship in comparison to the Anzac Class Frigates or that the Communications branch would be down at least one sailor per watch due to the restrictions on the Scheme of Compliment. 

The impact was that the training requirement for the sailors would increase considerably as they would be required to perform more functions than they had done in the past.  Yet no one wanted to give up a bunk for a designated training billet perpetuating a growing problem.  There was never an issue with the fact that the ships would be fitted for but not with certain weapons.  We would hear at the conferences what weapons the ships were to receive in the future, what they would be fitted for but that was some time off.  But we will have a meeting or should I say two day conference in the Canberra Convention Center to let the wider Defence Community and Government know what we were building in Australia, how we would be streamlining the manning of the ships by reduced allocation of space to accommodation and more for operations.  How the ships would be able to cater for female sailors from the time they enter the water and how the ships would operate in a screen or in company with a Task Group, based on a United States Task Group once we purchased the weapon systems that the ships on entry to the water were being fitted for but without.  It all seemed quite good on the surface, considering the amount of money that went into catering for the Conferences but behind the scenes it was a bit of a red tape mess. Interesting for a young female Midshipman to observe, especially when all other attendees were predominately at least Lieutenant Commander rank.  I really did not stand out and I really did not keep my mouth shut with regards to the requirement for trainee bunks.

I was also ably to look at the training requirements for the Collins Class Submarines that Australia was also building.  Two very, very major projects that we were conducting at the same time.  Projects of a size we hadn’t even considered taking on before.  But just to make sure that we were prepared for the future Military requirements we took on both projects at pretty much the same time.  Brave or stupid??!!  Both were a lot of money and both had major problems throughout the life of their respective project to delivery to the Royal Australian Navy.  The Collins Class Submarines were also being built to accommodate females on entry to the water causing issues with their Scheme Of Compliment.  Similar to the ANZAC Class Frigate project, it was the introduction of a new hull that was to increase operability with a decreased manning requirement.  Along with the decreased manning requirement they would be accommodating the increasingly equitable workplace that the Royal Australian Navy was becoming by providing bunking for females as well as males.  Similar to the ANZAC Class Frigate project we had to ensure that sufficient number of bunks was allocated for training.  It was not uncommon for the Oberon Class Submarines to accommodate trainees in the Torpedo holding areas on make shift stretchers.  A practice the Navy wanted to curtail.  Their countless numbers of meetings that I had the opportunity to attend with my section on the Collins Class Submarine project and its developments and the Conferences were similarly well catered for.  Also, I would invariably be the only Midshipman in attendance and in most cases the only female in Attendance. I am not sure why I would get looked at strangely or with an annoyed face by some of the more elderly and senior attendees.  I guess it was hard to let go of the old days.  There were also a lot of minor projects of off the shelf equipment that the Navy was purchasing where we would have to discuss with the project Directors the consideration that had been placed on training.  At the end of the day the Commodore did not want navy to be paying a million dollars (minor project well it was somewhere around that amount that a project was still considered minor it might be a bit more) for a piece of equipment that would sit on the shelf or not used to its full potential because training was not considered in the purchase price of the initial contract.  Whether the training is just the delivery of train the trainer that would be a one off training requirement by the contractor with navy conducting the ongoing training.  Alternatively the trainer would be required to provide ongoing training.  This would ensure that the users and maintainers would be cognisant and able to implement any of any developments with the equipment.

Any local companies that would be looking at making Defence a client, whether it be for office management tools, computer software tools for briefing practices, man management and pay management data bases that were being considered, we would see the documentation.  In most cases if they were having an open day to show their wears we had the option of attending provided a report was written about the product and whether it would be suitable for considering.  Most companies would cater extremely well for these days and the visit would turn into an afternoon affair at Navy Expense.   For attendance, if available we could take the Commodores’ or the Captains’ car, something that was available to us if we were required to attend to errands in the city.  So they were at no personal expense.

There was one day that I did actually take the Commodores car into the city to attend to an errand and as I could not find a park but was in a rush and parked in a no parking area. As I came back there was a parking attendant about to write up a ticket they held off after seeing that I was in uniform.  Fortunate but something I would not repeat.  The attendant told me that in Canberra where there is a sign that says ‘No Standing” you are not allowed to stop or park the car.  I told them:

I wasn’t aware of that as I was from Queensland.

Thankyou for letting me know.

Yep apparently we are a bit slower in Queensland but that slowness saved me a $140 parking fine.  The parking attendant just smiled.

I also took on the role of coordinating the Commanding Officer and Executive Officer Desig Course for Russel Offices. Basically any Officer that was selected by the Admiral to Command or be the Executive Officer of a ship was required to complete this course.  It was more of a seminar than a course, where all Admirals had the opportunity to speak to them and offer time to answer any questions that they may have relating to their specific ship or other Naval issues that may affect their ship or their serving personnel.  The course was standard and basically it only required a quick phone call to the senior officer’s staff officer to ensure that they were available on a specific date and at a specific time.  There was no requirement to drive the Commodore or Captain’s car anywhere, so no parking tickets.  Most of these courses I was required to sit in on the presentations provided by the various senior Officers.  As a young female Midshipman, I was fully aware of the issues facing the Commanding and Executive Officers of Her Majesties Royal Australian Navy.  I also had quality face time with the Commanding and Executive Officers who were to be our future Admirals as well as the current Admirals.  A very unique position at such an early stage of my career!!

In the office area of the Directorate of Naval Training and Education I was to meet a couple of young Navy Officers that were to become close friends for the following few years.  I say few years because the number of times people move and priorities change in their lives friendships don’t necessarily fall apart but become distant.  But when you are collocated they can be very strong.  Our friendship grew very strong for the time.  One of the Girls had just come down from Darwin to take up the position of the Commodores Staff Officer and the other left the Australian Defence Force Academy without graduating and had the option of having a career without the degree.  She took up the position of the Captains Staff Officer.  The later lived with me at HMAS HARMAN whilst the former lived in shared accommodation in Manuka.  The former was an Administration Officer, a branch the Navy was removing and the later was a Supply Officer.  They did have one strong connection; the later had dated the formers brother.   I had a tenuous connection with the formers other brother, a first year when I was a third year and was in the same Squadron as me.  It was a very small circle.  As the Captain that we worked for, (with the exception of the former) also lived at HMAS HARMAN.  Giving us that ship feel where our work space and rest area (HMAS HARMAN) we were in the eyes of our Captain.  I remember that after I had moved into the Junior Officer’s accommodation block (I had to forfeit the morning wake up call with a glass of orange juice to ensure that I did not offend anyone by having my shower in the male bathroom next to the bar), I was sitting in the bar area on the lounge chairs having a conversation with the captain.  I had a coke in hand and was eating the bar snacks as my meal for the evening.  He raised his leg over the arm of the lounge chair he was sitting in to make himself more comfortable.  It was making me feel more uncomfortable talking to him.  Fortunately there was the steward behind the bar so I was not alone in the room with him.  The conversation from work was then changed to questioning about the live sex shows we were having in the junior officer’s accommodation block. I had no idea of what he was talking about.  I had had my boyfriend stay a couple of times, similar to the other Midshipman guys who had their girlfriends stay a couple of times, but there was definitely no live show.  I thought that it was necessary that I finish the conversation and leave.  I had eaten enough bar snacks for dinner and did not really feel like finishing my coke. 

During the second half of the year 1992 I, well my boyfriend and I split up.  Initially I accepted it and was ready to move on, I had established new friends. I was attending functions; saw the Dalai Lama when he visited Canberra and Fred Hollows who was holding a function for his foundation.  My boyfriend and I had a similar group of friends from the Australian Defence Force Academy, especially our friend that I had previously always referred to.  But then he wanted to break up, leave his gear in my room, even though we had broken up and still use me for my car so that he could still conduct driving lessons and not pay for a car.  It was not unusual apparently, but it was driving me crazy.  Apparently our mutual friends did not want to see me but I had had our friend tell me that he would rather go out with me than his girlfriend.  He was drunk and I passed it off as the alcohol talking it got to the point where I just wanted to walk away but couldn’t.  I started to start talking about killing myself to my boyfriend, that I just wanted to die.  In some respects confiding in the very person that was causing me the direct pain. But also the very person that took away so much pain that I had experienced at the Academy.  I was not saying that I wanted to die because of our break up I was just saying that I wanted to die.  I had planned to commit suicide on the day of his Ball because he suddenly decided that he was not going to take me.  As retribution no, out of confusion as he wanted to break up but then wanted to keep using me – Why.  He had even called me late of a night after he had been drinking.  No mobile phones just a block phone which at one point was taken by another Naval Officer who later told me that he told him I was not available.  I did end up attempting suicide that night and it was only that day that he told anyone of what was about to occur.  During that night I was hallucinating greatly and had even tried to engrave a cross on my chest.  It was the weirdest experience and in some respects preventing me from trying it again.

I hadn’t given up on life as I continued with my studies and work.  I went on to pass my second year English Subject and gain my Bachelor of Science degree and continued working and learning hard at the Directorate of Naval Training and Education.  No-one I thought was aware of how I felt internally except my old boyfriend but I gave a couple of signs.  One night in the mess after drinking with my girlfriends I sat at the dinner table just swearing.  The words the sentences were based on one word.  The word fucked

                                   Everything was fucking fucked fucked!!!!!

Was all that I could complete continually to every question and comment on every conversation?  This was even with the elderly senior Officers.  They chose to ignore it as for them it was out of character for me.  The Captain on my posting out of his Directorate was to write the following about me on my assessment report.

Midshipman Evans’ attitude to work is to seek challenges, and has performed her duties with alacrity.

Midshipman Evans attempted any task offered, even outside her level of knowledge of the Navy and most often was able to turn her very good intelligence and perception to advantage.

Midshipman Evans keeps fit through a regime of outdoor activities including running, bush walking, rock and mountain climbing, sailing and snow skiing.

Although Midshipman Evans has a quiet personality she is not overawed by her seniors, and can converse with all ranks in an assured manner.  She is always very well presented, adopts a good taste of current styles of civilian attires.  She joined a social circle including many Junior Officers in the Personal Division, and participated keenly in the general social activities in the Directorate. 

During her service in DNTE, she has been given challenging tasks and has risen to those challenges with great drive and enthusiasm.  She is assessed as being a young Naval Officer of considerable promise who with application should have a rewarding career.

 

Within a month of receiving this report I had attempted suicide and was engraving a cross on my chest.  I had literally talked myself into it.  A bit of a Comedy of Errors as one of the naval Lieutenant Commanders had just left for Abu Dhabi to work for government in a training position and I was later in my career to conduct a Masters in Islamic and spend a couple of years in the Middle East.  During my time in that office I was also informed of a submarine Captain that was having issues and had taken his own life.  He was still in the Navy and was pulling his life back together.  The issues that I had mentioned previously in this book just came back to play on me.  I did not feel as though I could personally move on.  Yet I had so many supportive friends around. People, well our mutual old Australian Defence Force Academy class-mates only saw the late phone calls that were made to him, but the phone calls went both ways.  To a point where one of the Naval Officers in the Junior Officer’s accommodation that I was living in would not forward the late call to me.  The rumours about me they were all aware of but I realistically would not see any of those class-mates again.  At least for the next five years yet I was feeling the pressure of the effect of the rumours. 

The attempt was by an overdose.  I attempted to take two packets of Demazin 24 hours.  I remembered once at the Academy that I had accidentally taken two within six hours not realizing they were the 24 hour ones and I was knocked out for most of the next two days.  I knew not to take alcohol with them as I thought that I would throw up and lose the tablets.  I had booked myself into the Park Royal hotel; I was actually staying there for the week. The following morning, I had a knock at the door, I was still alive and looking back high as a kite.  I answered the door and there were two Navy Coxswains at the door, they needed to take me to HMAS HARMAN.  I went there, and one of the Staff Officers from Navy Headquarters came to visit me.  She informed me one of the hats she wore was Staff Officer Deaths.  If you hadn’t noticed I am alive!!  I am not sure how the rest of the conversation went, but they took me back to the hotel after a short conversation.  After another couple of hours, and no coherent thoughts as I was still high there was another knock at the door.  I could not even consider thinking on what I was going to do next.  I opened the door and it was my ex boyfriend and our friend.  I believe they were told that I needed to come out of the room with them.  They walked me out of the room and I was handed over to a Psychologist. From there I was checked out of the hotel and checked into the hospital.

After the attempt I was placed in a Canberra hospital for two weeks then moved to the Army Hospital before being discharged on leave. During my stay at the hospital I had a couple of people talk to me from my work area, one of the Lieutenant Commanders that I worked in the same office with and the Staff Officer to the Commodore. My parents had both come down, at separate times, to see me in hospital and my mother and aunty drove with me back to Queensland in my car.  The holiday time was quiet and I drove back to New South Wales early in 1993 to take up my posting at HMAS CRESWELL for the commencement of my Seaman Officer training.  Prior to the attempt I had already given away my Apple Mac computer to our friend; my boyfriend and my friend, I couldn’t take it to sea with me and he was going to be posted to a base where it could be used before it became dated.  I guess I was signing off to our friendship early because I knew that I rather their friendship to be strong than for me to start a boyfriend /girlfriend relationship with our friend and theirs as well as my relationship with my ex-boyfriend to fall apart.  Basically I walked away from our mutual friends at that point and left them for him.  I started to see our mutual friend in later years, 1994 and 1995 in Perth and Sydney, climbing and when our friend decided to transfer to the Navy from the Air Force.  We stayed good friends.  My ex boyfriend, I saw him once in 2001 at Kokoda Barracks in the bar whilst I was posted to the Defence Intelligence Training Center.  It was a conversation in passing. 

Professionally and personally the suicide attempt was an awakening. I knew that I could not go through that again.  During that night I went through the most disturbing hallucinations to a point that when I woke up in the morning, I had the largest cross drawn on my chest.  It was continually drawn, with the ballpoint pen pushed heavily into the flesh.  It did not end up tattooing but it was red for a couple of days.  From that point I knew that the training I was about to commence was what I wanted to do.  The class that I posted into HMAS CRESWELL with were the second years at the Australian Defence Force Academy when I was there in my third year.  As I completed the extra year for my degree at Russell Offices and lost six months seniority, my promotion to Sub Lieutenant was to be six months before that of my new class and six months later than that of my old class.    Was it an issue for me?  Not really, It was just a rank for me.

The 3 January 1993 I arrived at HMAS CRESWELL, where I was to meet up with my new class.  One of the guys that were living at HMAS Harman with me also turned up at the same time for the same training.  His promotion was also affected similarly and had the same perspective as me.  All Seaman Officers were all actually posted to HMAS WATSON, Sydney but for two weeks posted on loan to HMAS CRESWELL to complete some minor single service training.  Well so that we could complete two weeks Navy Officer Training at what was once the leading Her Majesties Australian Navy lead Officer Training establishment.  It still had a roll; we saw it as a retreat, relaxing, beach, sailing, small boat work, naval staff work and naval history.   After the two weeks at HMAS CRESWELL it was off to HMAS WATSON to commence our Seaman Officer training.  The training was to be completed over two years. 

On arrival at HMAS WATSON I was also required to see two Psychiatrist Doctors as follow up to my suicide attempt at the end of 1992.  The first doctor I went to see started to ask me questions about how I had felt then and what I was going through at the time of the attempt.  It upset me to talk about it again, as it felt as though I was being dragged back down to a low point, the low point I was feeling when I had basically talked myself into completing it and the reasoning why I was going to complete it.  He never really asked me about the issues that led to it.  As he saw that I was upset he wanted to prescribe anti-depressants for me.  I told him that I wanted a second opinion, something that was my entitlement.  The Doctor at the base organised for me to see a second Psychiatrist asked me about what led to the incident and basically put it down to how I felt about things that I had done or had been done to me whilst I was drunk and how I felt other people felt about me as opposed to how they actually felt about me.  In reality, I hadn’t really done that much wrong but had placed myself under a lot of pressure through how I believed I should be and that was never drunk or under the influence of alcohol where things get out of control.  But I was a young Officer and a young girl that had chosen a career where alcohol was quite common, readily available and the choice of many of my senior fellow and junior Officers.  Quite regularly you would see either a senior, fellow or junior Officer making a fool of themselves and most would see it as someone letting off steam.  In some respects I had used alcohol for letting off steam, as with the night I told the senior Officers at HMAS HARMAN that ‘everything was FUCKed ……!’ and other nights when things happened to me it would start out as the break to a long week that would get out of control.  But I learnt in first year wrongly that it was pointless complaining, because the victim, always become more a victim to a failing system.  It was better to punch a bag and move on.  After the second doctor he informed me that I was ok but if I ever needed to talk he would be available for me.  I never needed it and only had a Psychiatrist introduced back in my life in 2003 after my marriage and posting to the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific, Hawaii.  But that Psychiatrist I first met in an Air Force uniform at the Consulate – and that is really a Comedy of Errors.

The first two months at HMAS WATSON was dedicated to the Basic Seaman Application Course (SEAAC) consisting of the fundamentals for driving a ship, navigation by stars, moon, sun, land features, depth soundings and of course thanks to technology, Geographical Positioning System.  Better known as GPS.  We were also to learn the fundamentals of the position Officer of the Watch and something that we were to know by heart the Rules of the Road.  The nautical traffic rules of the road that have to be applied and adhered to by all ship drivers to ensure that there was collision, fine and rage avoidance.  We were regularly tested on these through out our career and anyone that got less than 90% on the test would have to resit.  The position in the navy we were being trained for before being streamed down the more senior warfare rolls.  The position of Officer of the Watch was the initial position taken up by any Seaman Officer in the Royal Australian Navy.  It is a position that takes approximately two years to train for and earn the trust of one of Her Majesties Australian Navy’s Commanding Officers.  The Commanding Officer of a seagoing ship, places the control and command of his ship into that of the Officer of the Watch.  The Officer of the Watch is responsible for ensuring the safe navigation and passage of the ship and the smooth operating of the ship’s internal administration.  The Officer of the Watch is always located on the Bridge of the ship for their watch and the Officer filling this roll holds the position for four hours straight.  The system for the Officers that fill this position is four hours on and eight hours off rotating around the twenty-four hour clock, a ship at sea never sleeps, she is always moving.  The age of these Officers would range from a young twenty years up to thirty plus years.  Very young for such a very high responsibility, as they are ultimately responsible for the lives of all embarked for the Commanding Officer during their watch.  And we loved it and were at the same time challenged and daunted by it.  Not the prestige of the position but the fact that we were trusted at such a young age for something that was so important.  The lives of the ship’s crew!

The first two months at HMAS WATSON were dedicated to theory and conducted in the classroom with some practical conducted on Sydney Harbour in one of the Navy’s smaller vessels.  It was a beautiful place to conduct our training.  HMAS WATSON being located on South Head had commanding views over Sydney harbour all the way back to the Sydney Harbour Bridge and many of us had quite often taken ferries across Sydney harbour.  Utilising this waterway for our initial training was good and bad all rolled into one.  Sydney has a beautiful harbour and a lot of the land features we were already familiar with.  But Sydney harbour was also an extremely busy harbour with regular movements of ferries, taxis and pleasure craft, making sure that we were kept on our toes with regards to where our ship stood in applying the nautical rules of the road.  Even at sea there is specific application of the Rules of the Road, the nautical traffic rules, and when they are not adhered to there can be fines, collisions or worse still road rage.  I remember when a large racing yacht crossed our bow during one of my fellow classmates assessment run at being the Officer of the Watch of the Vessel we were on, his actions were calm and he took appropriate evasive measures to avoid a collision.  Similar with car accidents, even if you were in the right, if you did not take action to avoid the collision then you were also in the wrong.  Why road rage on the water can be high.  There are no roads, some areas there are traffic separation schemes, but that is as close as you get to a road.  Ships, whether they are motor powered or wind powered, whether they are a two man dinghy or a large 100 tonne carrier, will at some point cross your path or you will cross theirs.  And if a collision occurs, might might be right in the physical outcome but in the legal sense there is still liability.  Basically rule of thumb by the small boating recreational enthusiast, Might has right away, they usually give way to everything or some times take a bit of a dare.  For us driving Her Majesties Australian Navy vessels we have to strictly adhere to the rules and avoid a collision at all costs, so a dare on the part of a racing yacht places us in the situation of revving the engines into full reverse and a hard steerage to port (left for those less nautical) to avoid a collision with the yacht.  Needless to say my classmate passed his run.  We were actually concentrating on what is called pilotage training in Sydney harbour at the time.  Where pilotage training is manoeuvring a vessel in confined waters from a particular point to a particular point using land features during the day light hours and equivalent lights of a night.  All of it was assessed and everyone passed.  The only problem we had after the training on Sydney harbour is that everytime we looked at a land feature we could only see a navigation feature for a head mark, something to steer towards or a clearing bearing, something to keep at a certain bearing to ensure that the ship stays in safe depth of water.  Of a night, all we would see were the flashing navigation lights and would count the flashes, identifying if they were quick or long, as required to be able to identify them on a chart.  The beauty of the harbour from that point on was lost to us.  We all passed our first phase SEAAC Navigation/OOW.

Phase Two of our Seaman Officer training was our seamanship module.  For this phase we were to complete our seamanship phase, an Advanced Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Defence Course and five months of sea service to consolidate what we had learnt for the SEAAC/OOW and Seamanship phase.  During this phase and prior to going to sea I sold my car.  I sold it basically for the price that I bought it.  After only having it for three years I lost no money, it paid for itself.  I was pretty happy to say the least with my financial windfall, even though it was small but a bit disappointed that now I was going to be without a car.

The seamanship phase required us to drive to HMAS CERBERUS on the Mornington Peninsular just outside of Melbourne Victoria.  We were going to be there for almost a month in the lead up to the chill of winter.  It was going to be cold.  At HMAS CERBERUS, Navy had just built an all-purpose seaman ship hanger where the floor was heated and there was a replica of a ships hull built inside.  The seamanship aspect of the course was to teach us line (rope handling), how to send a line (rope) from one ship to the other. Usually this was by firing a line (small or should I say thin line) across the bow of the second ship.  Once fired this line was picked up by the second ship and the first ship would tie the necessary lines (thicker rope) to it for passing over hand in hand to the second ship that was pulling the lines in hand over hand.  To ensure that the first line fired across does not fall into the water but snags on the superstructure a monkeys fist is tied into the end. 

Our Seamanship training was to teach us how to command and participate in every aspect of this evolution.  Even to how to tie a monkey’s fist.  We were also taught the various knots used by sailors and where certain knots are always used and why.   Also; how lines are to be prepared before use and stored after use.  So they do not snag whilst they are being passed by the first ship or taken up by the second ship.  Why would we be required to learn this if our role was to be on the bridge?  Well as part of being a Seaman Officer we would perform the duties of Officer of the Watch and would also be designated a part of ship for control.  For each part of ship there was always a group of sailors that would work under the direction of the Officer and supervision of a Senior Sailor to ensure that each evolution was completed smoothly and safely.  It was also important to know what was actually occurring on the decks whilst the ship was to be within an arms throw of another ship travelling at same speed and same course until the completion of the evolution.   This is something that is difficult and could be dangerous.   We were to find out during our sea phase how dangerous. 

What were these evolutions for? Good question!  They were for passing physically items from one ship to another.  The items could be fuel, food, letters, personal parcels and in some cases people.  If you are an adrenalin junky being passed from one ship to another whilst both are moving at a very good pace and throwing up a good slip stream and turbulent waters from both ship’s bow waves intercepting is a good way to spend your time.  But in our purpose built hanger for seamanship training, the biggest thing our trainers had to contend with was getting our lazy asses off of the blue painted heated floor onto the mock hull to start and complete the evolution because it was cold up there and we were not pretending to be tough.  But they got us up and we all completed it to the desired satisfactory level.  After this we were required to complete the Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Defence course also at HMAS CERBERUS, basically learning to fight fires and flooding in hazardous conditions.   This was also difficult to motivate us because they wanted us to put out the fires that were keeping us warm with cold water that would also require us getting wet.  We ended up doing it, a desire not to fail overtook our desire to stay warm. We were also gassed to see how we could cope.  That was the easiest part because in some respects we knew the gas could only irritate it could not cause permanent damage.  The room was filled up with gas and to counter it we had to put on a facemask in minimal time to ensure that the gas did not affect us.  During this process basically requiring us to hold our breath and shutting our eyes to ensure minimum irritation.  That was fine but as it was training, we were then required to take the face mask off and state clearly our name and official number before being allowed to leave the room.  Just so we could know what it felt like to be gassed.  Something we really did not want to know!!!!!!!! Because it really hurt the throat and the eyes and the only way you could alleviate the pain was by letting the eyes water and mouth water to flush the foreign particles away.  For the Nuclear and Biological Defence training, this was more theory than what could be provided in simulated practical training.  We were grateful for that to just remain in theory and knew it was something that would be just dealt with in practice.

During our quiet time at HMAS CERBERUS, the bar was open and we were encouraged to get involved in the sports days.  Navy would have one sports day a week at every base where for the afternoon all members of that base were encouraged to get out of their offices and take part in some form of sport.  We jumped at the opportunity.  The bar, it was an Officer trainee bar based on an honour chit system.  We were not the only Officers under training at HMAS CERBERUS at that time and the other Officer’s training there were known to us through our Australian Defence Force Academy days or were direct entries, Officer’s that did not go to the Academy but we would come to know through our careers.  Due to the distance to Melbourne and the short time that we were at HMAS CERBERUS for, there was no need to venture in of a weekend.  We saved this until our Phase three training and when we were cashed up after our sea time.

After the seamanship training the Seaman Officer class was split into two with twelve Officers placed on HMAS TORRENS and forteen Officers placed on HMAS SWAN.  I went to HMAS TORRENS, and funnily enough the house I bought in Brisbane, which should be now going to my daughter, is on Torrens Street.  But that is just one of those comedy of errors!!  I did not buy the house for the street name, I bought it because it was within 5 km from the center of Brisbane, was on a hill and was the original house for that area.  It was also a heritage-listed house, providing my daughter with a bit of Brisbane heritage and a bit of Mum’s heritage.   Unfortunately for her and myself, her dad sold it before my return to her life.  HMAS TORRENS was a British ship, a Destroyer Escort, similar to HMAS SWAN.  They were the last two Destroyer Escorts that were still in service for the Navy.  They were amazing ships with ample accommodation space.  During our time at sea we were required to be Assistant Assistant Officer of the Watches or in some cases Assistant Assistant Assistant Officer of the Watches or even Assistant Assistant Assistant Assistant Officer of the Watches as there were twelve of us posted to the ship and we were required to be working four hours on eight hours off around the clock with no sleeping through the day.  They were long, frustrating but ultimately rewarding days. 

The Officer of the Watch was a trusted (held a Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate, qualified or what ever you want to call it Seaman Officer), the Assistant Officer of the Watch was a Phase four Seaman Officer posted to the ship to become trusted.  They were in the final part of their training.  And the Assistant Assistant Officer of the Watch, Assistant Assistant Assistant Officer of the Watch or the Assistant Assistant Assistant Assistant Officer of the Watch was one of us, a phase two Seaman Officer that was on the ship to consolidate what we had learned about being an Officer of the Watch, Navigation inclusion Astro Navigation now that we were out at sea, and the other basic requirements of running the ship.  Another Officer (as there were twelve of us working a watch system where we were one in three) would be on watch in the Operations Room.  It did get crowded on the bridge but then that was a challenge to the Officer of the Watch and his or her ability to manage so many people.  He still had to manage the sailors that were on watch and work on the bridge and manage the wider part of the ship. 

For our Phase Two posting we had our posting to Her Majesties Australian Naval ships and we were set in a task group heading north to South East Asia.  A great deployment for any Navy person!  Visits were for Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines and Brunei as well as exercises with United States Naval ships as well as South East Asian Naval ships before a couple of weeks in Singapore for a minor refit and the most amazing flight back to Sydney, New South Wales.  Each Phase Two Officer was given a task book to complete and we were told that each task had to be signed off by the appropriate supervisor and on completion of the deployment we would be sitting exams and facing a review board to determine our suitability to continue.   Tasks consisted of working in the galley, conducting maintenance on equipment, doing watches in the engineering spaces, communications center and medical center as well as completing the Assistant Officer of the Watch duties on the bridge.   We had little off time because when we were not on watch we were preparing for that nights stars or writing an essay on a South East Asian political issue, notably the Spratly Islands.  To prepare for exams and a review board proved to be daunting.  The briefing prior to our departure did place pressure on us as it was suppose to but none the less we were going to make the most of it.  After all it was our first deployment and we were all posted together instead of being split up amongst the fleet, which was how it was completed in the past.  It was safety in numbers for us.  Well that is how it was viewed leading up to the deployment and during the deployment.   On joining the ship we were allocated our bunks and found out quite quickly how little space we had for equipment, books and uniforms.  Fortunately we were joining from Sydney and could leave items at HMAS WATSON at that time. 

One of the most memorable port calls was to Davao, Philippines.  Once ashore there were a lot of police and military around with guns and some roads themselves were blocked with concrete structures and barb-wire.  We were informed that if we were to go ashore we were not to walk around alone and that if we planned to stay in the resorts; then that is what we should do.  Just stay in the resorts and use their facilities.  We were to have two nights in the port off of Davao and as there were ten of us Phase Two Officers without duties for those two days we decided to all go and stay in one of the resorts.  It was a good chance to get away from the ship, the duties and the continual broadcasts over the internal communications system.  But one of the days, at my request a few of us did venture into the town area, choosing not to drink as we couldn’t really find a bar anyway and shopping centers were sparce and quite a bit of distance between.  The armed police and military presence was higher than that observed in the other Philippino ports but nether the less we ventured out.   Thailand was the second most memorable port visit.  We ventured again to a resort with again ten Phase Two Officers seeking good quality accommodation, sharing of course three to a room, It was luxury compared to the way we were sleeping.  During this resort visit there were three of us girls that decided to get a Thai massage.  The resort was able to accommodate by providing three masseuses at the same time. For the one hour massage session not a word was spoken by any of us which was unusual for us.  After the massages one of the other girls asked if anyone else felt pain during that.  Yep we all had experienced significant pain during the massage session.  It had felt like the masseuses were massaging the bone instead of the muscle.   Our bodies were sore for a couple of days but after that they were fine.  That was our memorable introductions to the Philippines and Thailand.

For Singapore, we were able to spend two weeks along side at the end of the South East Asian deployment.  We also moved from HMAS TORRENS to HMAS SWAN so that all the Phase Two Officers were collocated on the one ship.  And for this period of time there were a lot of chilli mud crab eaten and a lot of shopping conducted on Orchid Road.  I was also handed a lot of personal documents that I had left at HMAS HARMAN when I had left the base for leave and posting, prior to my suicide attempt.  Apparently it had been sent to another Officer with a similar name that was posted to the ship.  She never forwarded them onto me but left them for other Officers to read. I really was not impressed but could not do anything about it.

During our time alongside, Michael Jackson was conducting his Dangerous Tour and was in Singapore. Unfortunately for him allegations of child sexual abuse against Jackson had been released whilst he was in Thailand, the stop before his Singapore concert.  In Bangkok he ended up suffering from dehydration and ended up collapsing.  In Singapore he was able to complete one concert before collapsing with health problems before the second.  During the allegations he maintained his innocence.  Why I mention his concert here?  Well we had also become regulars at the Long Bar Raffles Hotel Singapore during these couple of weeks alongside.   It was one of those amazing colonial bars where a beer was a beer and a Singapore sling was a Singapore sling.  Well it was the home of the Singapore sling.  And as for peanuts, there were no feeding the elephants they were not in sight it was just trying to reach the bottom of the bowls before the service filled them up again.  The shells from the peanuts well they were automatically thrown onto the floor.  Apparently the oil in the shells was good for the wooden floors. It was an amazing bar.  At the bar we were drinking off of my credit card.  The other two girls did not have theirs on them.  We offered to buy two guys a drink at the bar, they turned out to be pilots for an American airline that were on a stop over.  They repaid the shout had a couple of conversations and laughs with us then left. It was an expensive trip for me to the Raffles Bar even though the two girls did repay me for their drinks.

Michael Jackson was staying at Raffles Hotel but we didn’t see him but his staff, for the Dangerous Tour was staying across the road at another five star hotel.  It was in this hotel where we were to venture after the Long Bar had closed.  There again were only three of us Phase four girls out together again and we had decided to go to the night club in the hotel across the road from Raffles.  At the nightclub we were to meet an interesting chap who had the most remarkable name Taco Falcon.  He stated that he was a choreographer for Michael Jackson’s Dangerous Tour.  At first we did not believe him but after seeing him dance, and seeing that his moves were very similar to that of Michaels we were starting to think that there was some validity in his statement.  We also met another American chap there, he was a crew member for a private yacht. As I was the only single girl I became friendly with him.  He was to later invite me back to the yacht for dinner. It wasn’t until the nightclub closed and Taco invited us up to his room that we believed him as he was able to show us his backstage pass.  We were not too intrusive to ask for passes as we were leaving in a couple of days and probably would not be heading back into the center of Singapore again but it was nice to have a slight brush with fame.  When the sun started to rise we decided to make our way back to the ship to ready ourselves for the days work or should I say study,…. Sleep.

Whilst in Singapore I had the opportunity to venture on the metro out to Raffles Marina at the western tip of Singapore adjacent to second link bridge connecting Singapore and Malaysia.  The reason for the trip?!  To have dinner on a mega yacht with the chap I had met from the previous night!  It was amazing and quite a distance to travel for Singapore, two taxies, the metro and a short walk.  The chap I had met job was to sail mega-yachts around the world for clients and he had just arrived in Singapore with his latest little toy.  He invited me to dinner to see it as the owners were not due in till the following week.  I jumped at the chance.  The only mega yachts I got to sail on were grey, metal and covered in missiles and guns.  It was going to be nice to see one that was covered in white, with a mast and boom for sails.  Dinner was nice and before the evening ventured too far, I was on my return to the ship HMAS SWAN.

We left HMAS SWAN in Singapore and flew back to Sydney by the wonderful Qantas Airways Business Class the whole twenty something of us.  There was only one seat left vacant after our booking and that was given to an ex Royal Australian Navy Officer.  For the majority of us this was our first ever Business Flight.  We had mock tests and boards on HMAS SWAN and my performance was appalling. I took to a therapeutic shopping expedition of buying myself a CD Walkman.  I had told our supervising Officer that I would study on the flight home, as we only had a weekend before we had to sit the real tests and board.  Unfortunately I ended up making a liar out of myself as did everyone else who made that statement. Not a book was opened.  We made very good use of the dedicated flight attendant service, access to movies and music, greater space and freedom to move around and talk to other people.  At some point in the flight some of the guys resorted to walking back into economy, drink in hand just so they could stretch the legs.  No one from our class slept on that flight and no one studied.  We all just enjoyed the moment.  It wasn’t until we reached HMAS WATSON after being driven by bus from the airport to the base, unloaded and took out the books that we realised how much time we wasted and enjoyed.  But if you had asked us to take that flight again, I doubt any of us would have changed our actions.  We didn’t disturb any other passengers and the attendants, well they earned their money, besides the guys, well they tried to help in the galley, where they were not needed or wanted. 

We had a week of testing and a two-day board at the end of the phase.  Everyone ended up passing but it was tough.  The tests took us back to the basics in every field and the necessity to use correct terminology for subjects that we knew about but did not necessarily have the familiarity with the daily and correct Naval terminology proved difficult.  In later years, from using the terminology on a daily basis we would wonder why it had caused us so much difficulty.  But that is the case with moving into any new field of employment.  The board, that consisted of answering questions relating to any subject we had been taught to date, explaining our answers providing robust reasoning to Senior Officers.  To see if they felt they could trust us with their ship, if we had the potential to be their Officer of the Watch based on our personality traits and reasoning ability.  They were aware that we lacked experience with regards to Seamanship but took that into consideration when assessing our knowledge.  We had all successfully completed Phase two and were about to embark on Phase Three of our Seaman Officer Training, which consisted of Gunnery, Communications and Warfare.

It was October 1993 now and at HMAS WATSON to commence our Phase three Seaman Officer training.  At HMAS WATSON a new class of Phase One Seaman Officers had commenced.  On that class was my friend from Navy Headquarters, the one that was the Staff Officer to the Commodore and that had visited me in hospital.  She had decided to change out of the Administrative stream that she was in and move down the Seaman Officer stream.  For me it meant we could catch up and outside our training spend some quality time in Sydney together.  We, the Phase threes and the Phase ones were accommodated in a small block down near the car yard and the Generals house.  Funny thing, the senior Army Officer for Training Command whose office was on the other side of the Harbour had a very nice house at HMAS WATSON.   The block next to it used to accommodate the old Women’s Royal Australian Navy (WRANs) that were posted to HMAS WATSON and now it was designated for us.  Showering was interesting the bathrooms were mixed, and the only thing that separated us form the males or females lining up behind us ( and there was always a line) were two small curtains.  But when you are in a rush no one was looking at anyone.  The building was down near the water but there was a very big fence between the water and us.  It was like our very own beach house on Sydney Harbour.  The only problem, if we wanted to go anywhere it was a very long walk up a very steep hill.  It was a two-story block with people sharing two or three to a room.

During this couple of months back at HMAS WATSON for predominately theory training, the building or should I say Beach house we were being accommodated in was to have all the asbestos removed.  To accommodate this construction, or should I say deconstruction work, the only precautions that were taken was having everyone on the top floor move down to the bottom floor.  We would walk in and out of the building in uniforms, physical training gear, walk to and from the showers in our towels and soap in hand whilst builders in plastic suits were carrying plastic bags of asbestos out of the building.  There was plastic sheeting placed over the windows of the upper rooms and over the stair case but there still seemed to be a bit of dust outside.  I guess with out complaining, as no one complained yet we were all aware of the consequences of inhaling asbestos, this was the Navy, and we were a group of educated Officers we were never moved away from the building.  We knew that a lot of the old sailors that were seeking consideration through the courts were dying before the verdict in asbestos related conditions. I asked for it to be noted on my Medical file that I was being accommodated in the building whilst asbestos was being removed.  I thought it was relevant! It never was never noted on my file, but the next year we were given some very good advice and assistance for financial planning. Which many of those living in that building took up?  I guess there were some senior Officers who cared and saw the Court system as failing those when they needed it most so organised for the financial planning assistance which saw the majority of us purchase properties early in our career. Ethically it was not suppose to occur, especially on a Naval establishment with the company having links to Navy, but morally it is one of the best things I have seen occur.  I purchased a property at Noosaville, the place of my child hood holidays before a family car accident when I was eleven prevented my family from returning.

A comedy of errors really that because of my exposure to asbestos I was able to purchase a property where I have so many good childhood memories and a place where I was staying when my family suffered a fatal car crash. As provision of history, when I was eleven my family were staying at Noosaville and were to drive to Maryborough to watch our horse race.  On the way, we crashed with another car that was on the wrong side of the road.  My Grandfather, who was sitting next to me died in the car accident and I do not understand how I did not go through the front windscreen.  Looking back I think my grandfather prevented it.  My father with broken ribs pulled me out of the car and a nurse from the United Kingdom was attending to me on the side of the road.  She just happened to be travelling a bit behind us at the time of the accident. I sustained brakes to the tibia, fibula and femur in the left leg, cracked the right pelvic bone and the back of my head felt like my cheek, it was very soft but not swollen.  My mother died a couple of times in the ambulance on her way to Royal Brisbane women’s hospital. My sister who sustained a broken draw and myself were taken to the local hospital.  The nurse came and visited me in the local hospital to see how I was and to let me know that she was looking after me.  I never caught her name but she was very nice and very generous as she stated I was very brave and gave me a present.  After a couple of days my father arranged for my sister and myself to be transferred to the Royal Brisbane children’s hospital and that was a very painful ambulance drive.  Whilst in the Royal Brisbane children’s hospital I had my Tibia and fibula re-broken by a doctor that I was only to see once.  I remember those words as he held my leg in the air. I was lying in my bed in the children’s ward at the Royal Brisbane hospital. 

                                                            ‘Are you ready’

All I could say was yes and then with a twist of his wrists my tibia and fibula were re-broken.  A little painful and a bit of a shock!!  After I was released from the Royal Brisbane hospital and had worked my way off my crutches and out of my cast, I was trying on clothes at a clothing store in Redcliffe.  In the cubicle I bent over to pull up the pants and felt my left femur break. I stood up and held the wall, as I was a bit unstable on my feet.  I called my aunty, the person I was shopping with into the cubical to tell her that my leg was broken.  She wouldn’t believe me.  It took a good fifteen minutes to convince her and a good hour before I was taken by ambulance to the Redcliffe hospital.  Yes the femur was broken and I had to stand on my right leg wresting my foot of the left broken leg on the floor and hold onto the wall of the cubicle unaided for a good hour.  Damn it!!  I was to spend that year in and out of hospital and did not return to school the following year.  I was never required to repeat the year even though the accident occurred at Easter time and I had missed three quarters of the year.  After that year we would not holiday as a family at Noosaville again but now as an adult I have a property there and perhaps could change that.  Well that is what I thought when I purchased it.  As a comedy of errors my husband was to take that property from me in later years in our divorce settlement.  But I will get tot that later.

The training for phase three was predominately theory through to the end of the year (1993) concentrating on all aspects of warfare.  During this time my friend in Phase One, who was also from Queensland was wondering what we were going to do at the end of a year for a holiday.  No we weren’t gay or should I say lesbians, we both just wanted to do something different at the end of the year and figured it was better to travel with someone than to travel alone.  We had picked up a lot of travel brochures for South East Asia and the Pacific but really couldn’t decide.  We ended up driving back to Queensland with her spending a couple of nights at my family’s home and I went on with her to Gladstone to spend Christmas with her family and friends.  It was her car that we travelled up in and after Christmas we decided to head over to Heron Island for a week.  It was an amazing time. Heron Island in the Great Barrier Reef was the only nature reserve and had one of the best dive sites.  Unfortunately, we were not divers so could only go snorkelling which for us was just as exciting.  Mornings were spent walking around the island. It would only take half an hour then we would head up to the sumptuous tropical buffet breakfast.  Out of all the Barrier Reef islands I have been to, I believe that Heron has the most to offer young families on a budget.  As with most Islands everything, excluding alcohol and motorised sports is paid for up front.  You can walk on without your wallet and not have to worry about a thing.  What a true holiday is suppose to be.  After the week of luxury it was back to reality.  I actually had to return to HMAS WATSON before my friend and decided to head back to my family’s house either by bus or train and then fly from there to Sydney.  Her brother was actually heading back to HMAS WATSON (He was a qualified Seaman Officer and about to embark on his Navigator’s course) and was driving so offered to drive me back.  Sounded like a good idea so I drove back with him, passing my parents place on the way to pick up the things that I dropped off. 

The drive was fine until we reached the outskirts of Sydney, it was January 1994 and there were bush fires at the time. The road leading into Sydney was closed, had been closed for a significant period of time and looked like it was going to continue to be closed for a significant period of time.  We decided to back track driving the wrong way on the dual lane before we could cross over to the other side of the road.  We found the exit that he was looking for and took it in an attempt to go around the bush fires and come in from the West to Sydney.   Unbeknown to us the fires were located North, West and North-West of Sydney, yet we made it through. Not without getting lost, getting concerned and getting bloody concerned for our welfare as the smoke started to grow around our car.  The road he was looking for was a small road and it lead into a smaller road with a lot of trees around us.  Eventually it lead into a dirt road and there was continual smoke along our track that started to wind and go up and down hills with trees and smoke on either side of us.  We were not stopping or turning back but chose to drive faster. Eventually we started to see houses and the road started to open up again we had made it through to Sydney to what some people call civilisation.  All along the way I had wished I had flown down, but then my friends brother would have gone through this alone and that would have been terrifying on your own not that it wasn’t terrifying travelling with someone else.  Finally we reached HMAS WATSON and I caught up with my classmate, the other one that spent twelve months at HMAS HARMAN with me and had the same seniority issue as me.  Apparently as we were back a week earlier with no actual designated tasks, we had the option of serving in the Emergency Services Headquarters located in Sydney’s West for a twenty four hour period or we could spend three days in the bush actually fighting the fire. 

We both opted for the Headquarters.  Our task at the headquarters was to observe and serve the Army Colonel by collating the information on Defences efforts and their effectiveness or lack there of into a Ministerial for his release.  Basically we were writing what the Army Colonel wanted.  It would take a good twelve hours to write and for me just as I was about to show the draft to the Colonel, my computer crashed and I lost the lot.  It was to be submitted in 10 minutes.  Fortunately I was able to retrieve the previous days report and make the appropriate updates so that it reflected the days activities.  He was very red in the face initially but after receiving the report that shade of red changed to a shade of pink as a lot of the stuff he wanted in it had basically been removed.  During my time there I did have Army Officers coming in to report their activities and locations in a language I did not understand.  I am not sure why we had to be in the Head Quarters but after I was able to slow down the briefs from these Officers and put their language into common speak I was able to adequately update the report and relay the information to the Colonel.  He would then sit in on the Headquarters meetings of fire brigade, SES, Police, Ambulance and Defence to update their activities and take on further requesting as required and allowed.  Also into the Headquarters was a steady flow of McDonalds, Pizza Hut, KFC etc.  They were providing food to the Head Quarters to be taken out to the field for the workers and it was all for free.  Fast Food outlets played their part to assist because no one had time to make sandwiches and fast food was food that was fine cold and really doesn’t have a used by date.  But there seemed to be more food just sitting in the Head Quarters then was making it out to those in the field where it was really needed. I really didn’t partake in the food.  It was a long twenty four hours but not as long as it was for those out fighting the fires.

Once our week alone at HMAS WATSON was up, our classmates started to arrive.  During the week we had completed our twenty-four hours in the Emergency Services Headquarters and odd jobs for the Seaman Officer training faculty.  On there return there were mainly briefings, follow up theory on Gunnery, Communication and Warfare, well just an overview as we were to head to HMAS CERBERUS again for more training.  We were to consolidate the theory of what we had learnt at HMAS WATSON of Gunnery and Communications.  The majority drove down over the weekend whilst a few of us flew down the night before to be picked up at Melbourne airport and bussed to HMAS CERBERUS. 

We commenced our training in mid January 1994 and it ran through to mid February.  The Gunnery was only a week and consisted of firing the guns (hand held of Course) in coordinated and controlled manner.  It was nice to have a pit of power in your pocket. Even nicer to know that we were only firing at a target that was not moving!  One of the girls had a bit of an issue and grouped her rounds quite low at the human shaped target, almost near the groin area.  No one asked!  I was just trying to hit the target and was considering the grouping later but I still gained the necessary points to qualify.  During this time we were also given the task to write an essay on a Naval Battle, I ended up writing on the Marianas Turkey Shoot.   It was the Battle of the Philippines Sea, one of the most decisive Naval battles of World War Two.  It has also been referred to as the largest aircraft battle in history.  The battle was between the United States Navy’s Fifth Fleet and the Imperial Japanese Navy’s Combined Fleet.  The Japanese lost three Aircraft Carriers and 550-645 aircraft, reason for it being called the Marianas Turkey Shoot by the United States Navy.  It was also the introduction of the Japanese kamikazi suicide pilots. The Japanese aircraft pilots resorted to becoming kamikaze suicide pilots as they had lost their place to land safely, ran out of bullets and their plane was the only weapon left to them to fight.  They would crash on the deck or into the side of a United States Navy Aircraft Carriers.  It was fighting to the end for them.  My essay received high marks, surprising for me considering my previous academic issues.

Communications training, we learnt how to correctly use and speak over the radio sets, use and read flags, use and read semaphore.   It was quite difficult training in such a short time frame.  Some of my classmates became quite proficient at semaphore (basically the waving of the arms in set positions to send a message between ships in line of sight.  I left it to the sailors, they were the professionals and could be trusted not to mess it up but I would always let them teach me, especially when I became involved later in my career by taking on the position of COMSEC Custodian (I’ll explain when we get to it).   It was fun.  On completion of the training we were deemed proficient at Communications and with a sound knowledge of the RAN communications systems. 

During our time at HMAS CERBERUS we made use of the cars and spent quality time in Melbourne.  One weekend we spent a luxurious weekend attending the cricket and then spending a night in the penthouse of the Park Royal on Little Collins Street.   When I say us I am referring to all twenty something of us in the one penthouse.   I had joined the Park Royal club, as with travelling on a ship sometimes you just want to get away from it all.  By joining the club I was able to get rooms at greatly reduced prices.  The penthouse ended up costing us each $50 with my discount.  The lounge for the executive floors was available to us and we made the most of it. We not only had tea and coffee in there, we would bring it along with the complimentary plates of biscuits and cakes back to the penthouse for our personal consumption.  It was an amazing room and considering that some had gone out drinking and the number of people that we had staying in the room there was no damage. But we were Officers of the Royal Australian Navy and if something did go wrong that could have been very, very embarrassing.  It was only a short stay at HMAS CERBERUS, then back to HMAS WATSON for the completion of our Phase Three training, assessment and allocation of ships for Phase Four. 

Two months was allocated to the final section of our Phase Three training.  We were to complete further instruction on what would be an introduction to all facets of warfare faced by a Navy and the Royal Australian Navy in particular.  The areas were Above Water Warfare, Surface Warfare and Anti-Surface Warfare.  Looking at vessels, aircraft and weapons systems.  As we only had approximately a week for each it was merely an introduction.  The assessment though was difficult but we all managed to pass with a bit of creative marking.  I remember having one question on the test referring to Nuclear Submarines.  It asked what were the two disadvantages of a Nuclear Submarine.  Now we were given a textbook answer for that to regurgitate but in reality I thought my answer was closer to the truth.  First Answer, When things go wrong, Second Answer, They really go wrong!.  Apparently my instructor thought that my answer was also closer to the truth as I received full marks for both answers and passed.  If I hadn’t I still would have passed but considering what I went on to do and where I ended up it was relevant.  After all I did complete a Masters degree focused on International Relations and Nuclear Security and was in the United Arab Emirates in 2007 when they were deciding to take on Nuclear as an energy alternative.  The Officer that was instructing us on warfare I had a bit of a crush on for my time at HMAS WATSON both Phase One and Phase Three.  He was a Gunnery Officer and is probably the only name mentioned in this book.  His last name was Jordan and it was him that was the assessor for my nuclear submarine answer.  It wasn’t so much of a crush more of an admiration a bit the feeling I felt towards the country Jordan when I visited it later also in 2007.  Nothing was to every venture past Instructor student relationship until 1997, years after my warfare assessment and years before my ventures to the Middle East.  Kind of quirky but apart of my life and the comedy of errors that have surrounded it! 

After the theory and testing was completed we were required to conduct Bridge Simulator Training and Assessment before going to sea for our Phase Four training and qualifying as an Officer of the Watch.  The Bridge Simulator was an amazing piece of technology with its own dedicated crew.  The bridge moved with sea state to give the Officer’s and sailors the feeling that they were actually at see and the view, screens were approximately 320 degrees, what you would expect from a Bridge.  The only issue is you were not able to go outside to look astern (behind).  You could only refer to the Radar screen to see what was located astern of the ship.  The Bridge Simulator was used to train and assess Phase Four Seaman Officers and to work up bridge teams (the Officers and Sailors that are posted to ships and have the bridge as their place of employment) that were posted to a ship that had just undergone a significant period of time tied up alongside.  For us being Phase Four as an added bonus we were to have Commanding Officers from seagoing ships, of ships currently alongside come to HMAS WATSON to sit in the Commanding Officer’s chair and assess our performance as Officer of the Watches.  It had the bonus of placing us under further pressure and some people did fold.  After a few shaky runs as Officer of the Watch we all made it through and received our ships for Phase Four. 

My posting for phase four was to HMAS PROTECTOR.  It was a converted large tug-boat that had been fitted with specialised equipment to assist with the Collins Class Submarine trials outside of Adelaide.  I was back with the Collins Class Submarine project. Adelaide was the city that had the contract for building the Collins Class Submarines.  The waters off Adelaide were quite choppy but being the southern part of Australia were well protected for conducting the trials of Australia’s new lethal weapon.  The ship, HMAS PROTECTOR, however was based at HMAS STIRLING, the Royal Australian Navy base located out of Rockingham and across the water from Fremantle, Western Australia.  It was a brand new base that was to eventually accommodate the Collins Class Submarines and half the Royal Australian Navy fleet.  Whilst the submarines were out of the water under construction and not conducting trials we were not required to be in the waters off Adelaide.  Our sea program would then be restricted to conducting trials on the grid off of Western Australia for Mine Warfare Equipment or conducting port calls up and down the west coast of Australia.  The crew of the ship consisted of three females, myself, the Cook and the Communications’ Sailor and the remaining twenty something sailors were either Engineering Sailors or Clearance Divers (the special forces of the Royal Australian Navy) with one Mine Warfare Sailor to look after the specialised mine warfare equipment that we had embarked.  For the Officers, there was me, the trainee Seaman Officer, the Commanding Officer that was a Submariner Seaman Officer, the Executive Officer a Clearance Diver and the Navigator, specialist Seaman Officer.  It was a specialised crew with a specialised dedicated mission, supporting the Collins Class Submarine trials and providing emergency recovery if something were to occur.  When we were not performing this role we were trailing the equipment we had embarked to ensure it was working according to that specified or transiting up and down the west and south coast of Australia for fish, crayfish, lobster and abalone.  Well the divers had to keep up their fitness and maintain a certain amount of dives per year. 

My task on board was to get my Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate for a Charlie class vessel.  The tickets awarded to Seaman Officer’s in the Royal Australian Navy are based on the class of ship that they are serving on at the time.  For a small vessel such as HMAS PROTECTOR, similar to the small Patrol Vessels operating out of Darwin and Cairns or the small Oceanography vessels operating out of Cairns, the ticket awarded was a C Class.  Meaning that when I was awarded my ticket on HMAS PROTECTOR I could take up an Officer of the Watch billet on one of the other vessels in the Charlie class of vessels.  The Bravo Class Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate was for Auxiliary vessels,  HMAS WESTRALIA, HMAS SUCCESS, HMAS TOBRUK, HMAS MANOORA, HMAS KANIMBLA and the Alpha class Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate was for war vessels, the frigates and destroyers operated by the Royal Australian Navy.  If a Seaman Officer had an Alpha Class Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate they could be billeted on any ship in the Royal Australian Navy as an Officer of the Watch or could start to progress their career towards becoming a Navigator, Principle Warfare Officer or Hydrographer.    Prior to gaining any Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate though the Officer was required to gain their Ocean Navigation Certificate; which consisted of plotting a passage plan from a point to another point taking into consideration the feasibility of the plan, time, fuel requirements, expected program or desired port visits, weather, chart coverage and political considerations.  For me, I was required to put together a passage plan from HMAS STIRLING to the port of Adelaide.  I was also required to report to the Captain our progress on route and navigate the plan using Astro Navigation.  Navigating by the stars, moon and sun using a sextant.  This would prove to be a challenge as the vessel cork screwed through the water even in minimum sea state. I had to stand on top of the roof of HMAS PROTECTOR with one of the Clearance Divers holding onto the back of my shirt making sure that I did not fall overboard.  It was daunting and exhilarating all at the same time.  We were also the only vessel in the Royal Australian Navy where all sailors and Officers were issued steel capped knee-high gumboots.  The main deck was always awash with water when the ship went to sea, unless the sea was like glass. 

Looking back, I remember my second watch onboard HMAS PROTECTOR, it was a night watch and I was required to assist the Executive Officer.  For HMAS PROTECTOR, once we got out past the calm waters of Marlboro Sound the ship would just cork screw through the water.  It was the worst feeling and no one on board was able to escape being seasick.  That second watch I had one Clearance Diver, the Executive Officer sitting in the Captain’s chair whilst one of the Clearance Diver sailors was sitting at the helm.  I was left standing, to do the plotting on the chart, conduct visual look out and provide the steerage and engine orders to the Clearance Diver sailor.  Fixing was by GPS as we were outside land and it was too dangerous to go outside the bridge to get to the roof for Astro, as the bridge wings were awash with water.  I was fixing every fifteen minutes to keep myself busy.  When I would try and plot the fixes I would always end up rolling with my parallel ruler in hand towards either the port or starboard bulkheads (left or right side walls).  The plotting table was actually too high for me, requiring me to stand on my toes to reach, ultimately in the sea state and corkscrew motion I would lose my balance resulting in the roll.   During this continual process of trying to plot a fix, I would hear either Executive Officer or Helmsman throwing up.  It was not a pleasant sound or a pleasant smell but none of us could leave our positions.   These were our elite, the Special Forces of the Royal Australian Navy and with a little bit of rocking by the vessel they were floored literally and physically.  The Executive Officer ended up for a period of time lying down on the floor of the bridge after checking the radar of the ship’s position and possibility of other ships in the area but not before I started to feel sick and had to borrow his barf bag.  I ended up borrowing it a couple of times and on the second time did not really time it well because we were throwing up into the one bag at the same time.  Not nice but at that point not caring.  For the sailor, he was starting to struggle with helm and throwing up at the same time so asked me if I could hold the helm for him whilst he threw up.  It was not pleasant to be standing next to someone throwing up almost being knocked into him by the roll of the ship.  But that was how we had to operate on HMAS PROTECTOR and these guys were suppose to be fighting fit to save our Submariners in case of an emergency with the Collins Class Submarines. The vessel could not really handle rough seas and a few months after I posted off the vessel, HMAS PROTECTOR, was replaced for the trials by a larger New Zealand contracted vessel. During my time on HMAS PROTECTOR I did manage to almost hang the ship in one port.  I did not monitor the change in tide accurately and left the lines too tight when the sea was going out.  We were on a significant lean but nothing that damaged the hull.  Fortunately or unfortunately – not sure considering what we were entrusting that vessel with.

Whilst assisting the Collins Class trials myself and one of the Clearance Divers were to assist with line handling as it was the first time the submarine was going to come into port without the support of tugs.  We were on a tug, something went wrong and we were almost squashed between the submarine and the wharf as it hit the wharf with a bit of speed.  Fortunately the Submarine was to be pulled out of the water anyway at that point.

We did have a decompression chamber embarked in the ship, which was challenging to operate in rough seas.  The Clearance Divers were required to along with maintaining sea diving hours, maintain time in the decompression chamber, ensuring its operability and their ability to effectively operate it if needed for the Submariners.  I never went in the decompression chamber whilst it was on but did get to do a couple of dives.  I was encouraged to go conduct the ship’s divers course which was conducted at one of the navy bases in Sydney New South Wales.  I had increased my fitness during my posting to the ship, as the Clearance Diver’s would have me out doing Physical Training with them.  Obviously not to the same level but I was participating and I did love being in the water.  I completed the navy dive medical and psychological assessment, successfully completed and I attended the course but as I was placed on a night dive for my first dive, something I was not ready for I withdrew from the course.  Most of the Ship’s Divers course participants had usually held a civilian recreational dive ticket and had the experience I did not.  Instead, I decided to gain the experience and conducted a Padi Dive ticket in Fremantle over a two-weekend period, diving off of Fremantle and Rottnest Island.  I never actually went back to complete the Ship’s Divers course.    But I did receive my Ocean Navigation Certificate, Harbour Watchkeeping Certificate and Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate on the 4^th December 1994 for a C Class vessel, HMAS PROTECTOR after only joining the ship on the 31 March 1994.  I was qualified and it was time to party and all of the young Officers at fleet Base West (HMAS STIRLING) were in the partying mood.  At the time I was also given my report by the Captain, a Lieutenant Commander submarine Officer, and he had recommended me for submarine service.  I was interested and commenced to complete the submarine medical and psychology assessment which I successfully completed but did not really want to be in the first intake so at that point declined but the recommendation remained on my record.

As with the time for partying, many young Officers would commence their drinking in the Wardroom of the ships and would follow on out in Fremantle or Perth.  Some however never made it out and instead ended up going to their bunk early.  My friend from Russell Officers and HMAS WATSON was now commencing her phase 4 training and had posted onto HMAS WESTRALIA.  She posted on with the officer with a similar name as mine and with the same rank. They, considering they were sharing a cabin became good friends.  I was still considered her friend.  I don’t know who was more confused about the strange situation that was developing or if we were to know how much we were to be manipulated.   The officer with the similar name had a crush on a guy that was to end up abusing me onboard a ship that I became posted to and eventually they started going out whilst he continued to abuse me when he felt like it.  My other friends saw my friend from Russell Officers and HMAS WATSON, as a bit strange and high strung but I still stood by her.  She had told me about a Navigator that she had had a crush on.  I really did not think too much of it until I ended up with him one night when we were both in a drunken stupor.  She however forgave me and stood by me yet the situation was used by the Officer with a similar name as me future boyfriend as a means to move in and abuse me continually.  It wasn’t a nice situation, but all I could do is push myself towards my work, trying to be the best Seaman Officer I could be.

Early 1995, nearing the end of our partying break, there was a party held on the ship HMAS WESTRALIA.  All junior Officers from the other ships alongside were invited to the party in the Wardroom.  It was a great party and unfortunately for me I drank too much and ended up with the son of a man who was both the Governor General for NSW and a retired Admiral with the Royal Australian Navy. Both of us for our liaison ended up in the navigator’s cabin of HMAS WESTRALIA.  Fine he was a Navigator so he is used to sleeping in the navigator’s cabin, usually by himself and while the ship is at sea or berthed in a foreign port.  Not fine it was not his ship either, he was actually the navigator of the RAN ship HMAS ADELAIDE, berthed two ships ahead at the RAN base HMAS STIRLING.  From my point of memory in my drunken stupor, After being awoken by a call from the bridge by my friends to the Navigator’s cabin we kind of both rolled over to realise we were where we should not be.  I invited him back to my townhouse ashore, he said yes and we took a taxi to my place where we stayed through to the morning.  It was a drunken liaison and it was never repeated but it was not discreet.  Within a couple of days I had to front the Executive Officer of HMAS WESTRALIA.  He informed me that he was aware of what had happened in the navigator’s cabin on his ship and that the navigator of HMAS ADELAIDE had already fronted him and was required to write an apology to his navigator for what had transpired in his cabin whilst he was on leave.  I was informed that he was aware that I would be posting onto HMAS ADELAIDE in a couple of months when the latest Seaman Officer’s course would be commencing their sea phase of training and when another female would be available to post onto the ship with me. 

At the time the RAN had a policy that ships were to have at least two females embarked at all times.   To assist me with my training as a Seaman Officer he informed me that I would be able to post onto his ship, HMAS WESTRALIA for that period and for the transit in company with HMAS ADELAIDE to Darwin.  So where I had slept with the Navigator of another ship I was offered the opportunity to now sail on the very ship the discretion occurred.  Wonderful! Again where I learnt how to walk into any room and hold my head high irrespective of what people knew about me. Sink or swim, sink or swim!  There were already a couple of female officer’s posted to the ship.  My friend and the Officer with the similar name!! Flabbergasted I agreed and posted onboard. 

My report from HMAS PROTECTOR even though my Commanding Officer was informed never reflected the indiscretion as it was out of character.   The report changed a bit from that received at Russell Officers but was more focused on a prospective career.  After working with them, from project at Russell Offices to Trials whilst posted to HMAS PROTECTOR, I had a Submariner Lieutenant Commander highly recommend me for the specialisation of serving on Her Majesties Australian Navy’s brand new, European designed, Australian built fitted for but not with accommodation allocation for the first female submariners, submarines.  I was happy.  He wrote:

SBLT Evans is an officer of short stature, medium build and average fitness who is always very smartly attired in either uniform or civilian clothing.  She is tactful and courteous and mixes well on all social occasions and has been a well liked member of the combined Wardroom Senior Sailors Mess onboard.  Evans has developed a very good rapport with seniors, peers and subordinates alike however, she needs to be sensitive to the relationship she develops with subordinates by avoiding becoming too friendly and possibly compromising her position within the command chain.  Consequently, her leadership skills and power of command are occasionally hindered by her friendly nature.  Continued counselling, guidance and experience will improve her skills in this area.

Evans is an intellectually adept and motivated officer who has performed well under trying circumstances at times.  The continually changing ships program and limited sea time have been discouraging, however Evans has maintained a cheerful disposition and a strong desire to complete her professional training.

SBLT Evans has expressed an interest that, once fully qualified, she would like to serve in Collins Class Submarines, a specialisation for which she is highly recommended. 

When I joined HMAS WESTRALIA we still had a couple of weeks alongside before setting sail in company with HMAS ADELAIDE.  It was during this time that the Officer with the similar name’s future boyfriend was to pounce.  I only saw him as a fellow officer that I had met a couple of times at the parties and knew that he was sharing a house with some mutual friends.  I really did not think twice about him.  One night in between moving between pubs in Fremantle, he offered to drive me but would need to go past his place to change his shirt.  I said yes thinking I would not have to get out of the car.  He told me to come in as it would take a couple of minutes and he could show me their house that they had rented in Fremantle. I had rented a place in Rockingham with a couple of Officers from the Patrol Boats that were berthed with HMAS PROTECTOR.  It allowed me to ride my bicycle to work and allowing the Commanding Officer of HMAS PROTECTOR to comment that I was of average fitness in comparison to the Clearance Divers.  He showed me the house and whilst we were at the door of one of his friend’s rooms he dragged me in to his friend’s room and proceeded to rape me – apparently a female saying no means please continue for him even when the female is trying to push him away.  I know a couple of months later one of the other guys sharing the house burnt the wood slates from that bed for a fire.  They really did not respect each others stuff, which to me was surprising considering the training each one of them, had gone through.  I doubt I was the only one taken to that room by him.

For me, I had just had the incident with the Navigator of the ship he was serving on as an Officer Of the Watch and Air Intercept Controller so I guess I was free game.  Yes he was posted to HMAS ADELAIDE and now I had had a drunken liaison with the navigator, the son of an Admiral and NSW Governor General, and had just been raped by the Air Intercept Controller, both of which were currently in postings to the ship I was about to post to in one month.  I was just posted onto the Ship HMAS WESTRALIA where the drunken incident occurred to ensure that I stayed on my Seaman Officer path and now I had just been raped.  I was about to try and forget it. How could I complain I was just starting my career, I had just fronted one Executive Officer, we were off the ship, I took it and from that point I put on a face.  After this liaison he commenced a relationship with Officer with the similar name.  Apparently no one knew about our relationship.  The relationship, if that is what you can call it, I tried to stop before posting onto the ship and during my posting to the ship.  I informed him that it could not happen again before posting to the ship especially considering he was in a relationship and considering that I was posting onto the same ship.  His response, to sexually abuse me on the ship continually!  It was the start of females at sea on Warships and there was another female being posted onto the ship to allow me to gain my qualification for that class of ship.  It was also as a prelude to one of the sailor mess decks being converted for female embarkment and accommodation.  It would have been the end of my career if I complained and considering I was basically dragged onto HMAS WESTRALIA after the drunken incident there – no one would believe me anyway. He had manipulated me because of my situation but I was not going to let him beat me emotionally.

I couldn’t complain, I couldn’t I just took it but how I pulled myself thru was to basically suck his brain of seamanship knowledge and concentrate on building my career.  It was hard because he would always talk freely about his relationship with the other person bearing a similar name to me and five minutes later would be touching me up on the bridge or forcing me to have sex in the cabin.  He was in charge of the watch bill, and had placed me as his assistant for every watch. And it was of a night he would be touching me up and of a day he would be talking me down or talking about my namesake. He was to stay posted to the HMAS ADELAIDE for the handover of the first Captain, the play hard work hard Captain to the second Captain the more quiet but very professional Captain and the embarkment of the female crew.  I did try and pull away once and booked a room in Darwin which I invited a friend back to.   It was during the time of the second Captain, the one that I felt more comfortable working under and during the early time of the female crew embarkment.  He knew of the room I had booked and came there one night after I had invited a friend back for just coffee, and it was just coffee. Nothing was happening but his response, annoyed that he was not getting anything, as he could not show in front of my friend what was going on was to have sex with my favourite female sailor.  The one that I thought had so much potential and that I encouraged.  Not more than others, but he just knew.  The time he was on board was unbearable personally; professionally I did gain my ticket in good time.  But not before he had threatened me with the statement “Wait till the end of the year when I tell everyone about us and you lose all of your friends” I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth and followed thru with “Why Wait till them - why not tell them now!”  I don’t know how those words came out of my mouth with such conviction but they did.  In which he took a step back and never mentioned it again.  I am not sure what he was planning for my namesake because now apparently we were an us!  He was posting off at the end of the year and I was grateful to see the end of him.  His threat was made near the end of his posting and when we were put back to sea, new Captain and female crew after the refit.

My reporting during his time on the ship was very positive, even considering the incident with the Navigator that occurred on HMAS WESTRALIA being during the time of the first Captain’s tenure.  Both the Navigator and myself were able to maintain a professional relationship whilst onboard HMAS ADELAIDE, and as he was my direct supervisor, it was a direct Instructor trainee relationship.  Considering what I was going through personally I was happy with the report.  I just hope that naval life has changed significantly for the females that were to join the ships after.  I was onboard a ship as one of only two females with everyone knowing what had happened between the Navigator and myself.  With regards to the abuse, I am not sure who knew, but no one said anything to me.  The report went:

A short officer of fair complexion.  SBLT Evans always presents well both in uniform and civilian attire.  She has integrated well into both wardroom and the ship as a whole, maintaining a friendly and approachable nature without undermining her authority.  Always pleasant, she is socially adept and can mix well at all levels with an ease borne of self confidence.  As an officer under training, SBLT Evans has impressed with her enthusiastic approach to all her duties and responsibilities.  Though young in age, she displays a maturity and sense of purpose toward her career that belies her juniority.

Since joining ADELAIDE in March this year I have been impressed with this young officer’s motivation toward her naval career.  She has involved herself in all facets of shipboard life, not limiting herself to OOW training, which has enriched her experience and understanding of the naval way of life at sea to the extent that she is now more keen than ever in progressing to greater challenge in her chosen career.  I believe she has the potential to do very well as a naval officer given sufficient challenge and responsibility to continue her maturation process.  She should remain in ADELAIDE to consolidate the experience gained thus far and then would benefit from streaming into any warfare area in due course.  She certainly displays the drive and capability to do well in whatever field is available to her.

At the time of this report the ship had completed an around Australian tour, it was mid 1995 and within a couple of weeks I was automatically promoted to Lieutenant.  The tour around Australia was referred to as a bit of a pub tour because that is what it felt like at time that we did.  The Captain embarked to Command the ship was a die-hard work hard play hard Captain.  He would never sleep and always knew what was happening everywhere.  He also had the ability to drink the senior and junior Officers under the table and when finished would wake up the senior sailors to drink them under the table, finishing the night with a five kilometre run as light would break.  Sleeping then was not an option he would be back at work.  This would never happen at sea as Seaman Officers we were never allowed to drink at sea it was saved for our shore visits.  But at sea, he did lead by example working hard and ensuring that everyone working for him put in the same effort to achieve their best. It would get to the point that you would try and have duty in port so that you could dry out. 

During his time we did have one port visit to Melbourne that was memorable as the ship received numerous tickets to sporting and social events.  I managed to gain a ticket with some fellow junior Officers to an AFL game.  We were in the member’s section.  Didn’t see a lot of the game but had a few drinks and some good conversations with some interesting people.  That night we were off to the horse racing and in the Committee room.  There we met up with some senior sailors from the ship.  I had a few older gentlemen at the Committee room adopt me in some respect.  I was trying to work out the form guide when one of them told me not to worry about that.  He said that he would chat to a few of his friends and would come back to me to tell me who was winning the next race.  He did and as he told me each winner of the next race I would inform the Senior Sailors who were placing bets.  They won a lot of money that night; me I didn’t bet but I had a good time anyway.

Also at the time of the report written by him that I received (as shown above) and the time of his departure, the ship was to prepare for a refit by spending the next couple of months alongside at Fleet Base West, for restoring, maintenance and change of Captain and some crew, predominately the introduction of female sailors to be embarked in the ship.  Females were to now make up almost a third of the crew and one of the sailor mess decks had to be fitted out for their arrival.  This was the time that I was also to find out that the last week prior to arriving at Fleet Base West I was not suffering seasickness but morning sickness.  I was approximately 6-9 weeks pregnant to my abuser.  For me it was a career decision.  I had just received my Bridge Watchkeeping Certificate for an Alpha class vessel and was in no position financially, emotionally or professionally to bring a child into the world.  When I discussed the options with the Navy Doctor I was informed that she could make an appointment with a clinic in Perth for me to have a termination but if I paid for it myself it did not have to go on my medical file.  I told her that I wanted it on my medical file so requested that Navy pay for the termination.  I informed my abuser, he was neither, committed or caring either way.  I was able to get transport from the base but he offered to drive me.  I took his offer, and he dropped me off at the clinic.  He had informed me that he would come and pick me up in an hour.  He never returned.  I was left there waiting for almost three hours post operation waiting.  There were tears my body was about to go through a hormonal change.  I took a taxi, something the clinic had stated that they would never allow for their patience but there was nothing else they could do.  I went and saw him to ask why he didn’t come and pick me up. He proceeded to have sex with me, I was still groggy and in no position to stop it.  It made me sick.  The man was an animal.  But with my past experience and exposure felt there was little I could do.  I was one of two girls, female Officers posted to the ship of over one hundred crew (males) where I was being abused and the ship was to be fitted out to take on female sailors.  What would a complaint really do especially considering people would have to know, I had just gone through an abortion that Navy paid for and now was to be one of the senior females with ship experience.  I was still a friend at the time with my friend from Russell Offices and HMAS WATSON, we would still catch up and there was discussion that she would be joining the ship at the end of the year when the sailors joined.  As for my namesake, well my good abuser must have been saying stuff to her because she was starting to take a dislike to me.

I was to serve two Captains on that ship the first provided the above report whilst the second provided the following report.  The first left at the end of June 1995 to hand over to the new Captain.  The abuser (best name I can use for him) was still posted to the ship.  The second Commanding Officer provided the following report and I was able to call on him in 2006 to be a referee for my CV on my departure from the permanent service of the Royal Australian Navy.  At that time he was an Admiral and posted Australian Defence Attaché located Washington DC, United States of America.  Within the first few weeks of being set back to sea after our refit. I had provided him with the Ship’s scuttling plan that I had staffed and run the demolitions qualified sailors through.  I was also the Demolitions Officer for HMAS ADELAIDE and as HMAS ADELAIDE was the lead ADELAIDE Class frigate with the senior Captain I passed a copy to the other Commanding Officers of the same class ships.  Not really what a Captain wants to receive but it had not been done for quite sometime and was a sensitive subject, I thought it was appropriate.  During the refit, a group of sailors designated for demolitions team and myself were required to complete the demolitions course under the instruction and assessment of the Clearance Divers.  The course was run at one of the ranges in Western Australia and was very informative.  It motivated me to complete and document the scuttling plan as it coordinated with the Communications Security Custodian Officer position I was also to fill.  On completion of the demolitions course, the Royal Navy Principle Warfare Officer that was on exchange and posted to HMAS ADELAIDE was also at the same time encouraging me to redo the Ship’s divers course.  As I now held a PADI qualification I did not really see the need to redo the Ship’s divers course and I was about to wear enough hats!!  As the Demolitions Officer, I was required to have the Clearance Diver sailor embarked to work close with me.  He was very quiet, very capable and very reliable.  He was pretty much doing most of the work, as it was his bread and butter and I was basically signing off and being the target in case anything went wrong.  Our Captain was very happy for us to be proactive during exercises with using our tools for sound effects.  Also during this time we were to host an SAS soldier.  He was placed on our ship, as the SAS were to practice assault on another ship that was in sight of our bridge.  The SAS soldier hosted on our ship had a very big rifle and was placed on our bridge.  AS I was the Officer of the Day for the ship that day, he had to clear the very large rifle he had in front of me before boarding.  He was very tall and me being very short I didn’t really question him but did request of my staff to conduct their rounds with the fact in mind that he was on our bridge with a large rifle for the assault exercise they were conducting on another vessel.  It was an interesting day!  During the refit time I was thinking about becoming aircrew so successfully completed the aircrew medical and psychological assessment. I didn’t really proceed with this any further but it meant that within the last two years I had completed the Ship’s divers medical, Submariners medical and aircrew medical at the Fleet Base West medical center.  I was always concerned for my health.  Well that was our refit quite busy and quite interesting.  As I have already referred to it the report the second Captain gave me at the end of my posting mid 1996 to HMAS ADELAIDE was:

LEUT Evans is a contentious young officer with an outgoing, friendly and open demeanour.  Thoroughly reliable and efficient she works diligently to produce excellent results in both her primary and ancillary duties.  In her time in ADELAIDE she has become a most competent OOW who handles the ship safely at all times.  Intelligent with a logical mind she solves problems and develops plans quickly and without fuss and takes an obvious enjoyment from retaining the initiative and being in control of the situation.  Although she has a knack of “getting it right the first time” she would do well to spend a little more time considering all the options.  Given that she already possesses a level of motivation and maturity beyond her years this will undoubtedly occur as her experience grows.

On the bridge, LEUT Evans leads her team quietly and effectively to guarantee a high quality performance.  Always willing to offer advice and guidance she encourages people to do well and is quick to praise their efforts.  During the period her experience has grown immeasurably and during that time she has grown increasingly comfortable with her duties, even in the most demanding circumstances.  Now that she has achieved this degree of familiarity with her responsibilities she can now look to developing the strong sense of leadership that comes with confidence and that will stand her in good stead for the remainder of her career as a Seaman Officer.

With clear and concise oral communication skills LEUT Evans never leaves people in doubt as to her requirements.  Having completed the JOSC her written work has improved dramatically and with continued application she shows every promise of acquiring impressive attributes in this important skill. 

LEUT Evans is an officer of some potential who has the necessary professional knowledge and personal motivation to do very well.  I expect that she will put in a very solid performance on her forth coming Air Inteceptor Controller course and subsequent PWO course. She will be competitive for promotion in due course.

At receipt of this report it was mid 1996 and I was to post off the ship attend Air Interceptors Course and then post onto another ship.  That was the intended path but within the last two weeks of the course, after completing all the theory and most of the practical, I was failed and then moved into an intelligence position and an intelligence career.  An area I did not leave for the remainder of my permanent career.  The new career was to draw on my logical thinking and initiative of “getting it right the first time” and diligent attitude to producing excellent results. 

But for the tenor of my time serving the new Captain I was given the additional position of Communications Security Custodian, where I was to be responsible for secure receiving, storing and destruction of computer equipment, codes and software.  This started during the refit and was to continue through until about a month before my posting off the ship.  At this point I handed over to my friend from Canberra who was not necessarily friends with me at the time and was making the handover a bit difficult.  The only problem with this was that for the twelve months that I held the position and was responsible for all of the ships communication suites I did not have my security clearance up graded to Top Secret or receive the appropriate briefings.  Yet I was the only person that could get into the vault where the codes, log books and destruction accounts were held.  Unfortunately for me I would regularly lock myself out of the vault and would regularly need to have an expert come and reopen it for me.  A bit of a comedy of errors because subconsciously I must have known I was not suppose to have access to the material I was given access to!!  As well as locking myself out of the vault I also managed to have the whole fleet change their crypto once by issuing the wrong crypto accidentally. This was on our way to South East Asia and our port visit to Hong Kong and I might have been a bit dyslexic at the time and might have passed my dyslexica onto the senior sailor who was receiving the crypto.  It was not picked up for 21 days and the Captain gave me a slap on the wrist and warning.  The Communications senior sailor was in a lot more trouble because it was his bread and butter.  We only picked it up after taking 21 days not being able to communicate with anyone on a particular piece of communications kit.  With managing the communications equipment for a ship you would think that it is easy, everything is bolted down and in secure compartments.  Wrong!! When you have electrical sailors with clearances that want to fix a bit of kit fast and have found a spare that no one is using, well they unbolt it and just go and change it, thinking that taking the initiative is a good thing.  It is provided they remember to get the required paperwork from the Custodian (me) to do the swap.  But if they don’t all our heads roll, which almost happened once, but someone did catch it before the rolling of the heads and I was able to submit the appropriate paperwork.  This possible mistake or could be described as sailor over initiative occurring during our refit and could have caused significant embarrassment if not identified prior to our South East Asian deployment.  I am not sure if it was the same piece of equipment that I had issued the wrong crypto for!  It wasn’t for another year after leaving the position that I realised what briefings and security clearances I should have held for that position and how things could have really gone wrong if I didn’t have an attention to detail. But I guess that would have been my defence in case anything went wrong, not my choice as I did not know but my defence anyway.

For his time in Command, the ship along with undergoing a refit and taking on a crew of females, approximately one third of the ship’s crew were females now, was given a South East Asia deployment inclusive of Hong Kong.  Hong Kong was to be handed back to China the following year.  It was his second time at sea as a Commanding Officer of a Major War Vessel so took a professional but relaxed approach to commanding the ship.  He placed a lot of responsibility on his Officers and senior sailors.  Unfortunately for me abuser was still on board and it was on our return to Australia that the abuser made the previously discussed threat to me.  It was during this time that I tried to pull away from him again and he abused my favourite female sailor.  I didn’t try and pull away again but looked forward to his departure.  He left the ship before we went to South East Asia.  But for the deployment to South East Asia my friend from Russell Offices and HMAS WATSON, that by now was very good friends with my namesake had posted onboard.  One night on one of the earlier port visits I got drunk and told her what happened.  She chose to be distant from me so I just maintained a professional relationship with her. 

In Hong Kong, the Australian Embassy with regards to transferring classified documents back to Australia for them contacted the ship.  They were basically closing shop in Hong Kong and a lot of their paper work they wanted to return to Australia instead of destroying. When I informed them that I had limited room in my vault and they would need to box the documents according to classification.  They said that should be fine.  The next day they turned up with nine A4 boxes wrapped in nice green paper with nothing indicating classifications or even if they were classified.  Fair enough I thought where was I to place them.  After seeking the advice and direction of the Captain I was instructed to place the boxes in the Missile bay.  It was a large space with restricted access.  I was just to enter the bay on a regular basis to check the boxes to ensure that they were not tampered with.  That event cost me my wet weather jacket because the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade representative from the Australian Embassy borrowed my wet weather coat to bring the boxes from shore in one of our boats and chose to keep it when he was dropped off.  But it wasn’t the last t time I was to learn of their sticky fingers.

Before leaving HONG KONG, I managed to go and see a game of Soccer.  Manchester was playing the Hong Kong Lions. By this time we had a Royal Navy exchange Principle Warfare Officer embarked.  He too was a soccer fan and attended the game. We both went to the game and sat in different areas, he on the hill behind the nets and I was in the members stand.  It was a very slow game as the Manchester team looked as though they were all suffering from a hang over but it was nice to see the grounds and get into the excitement of the game.  On return to Australia, I received the report from the Captain, had the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade representatives collect their boxes and posted directly to Royal Australian Air Force Base Williamtown for the commencement of my Air Intercept Controllers course.  But as already discussed, I never completed the course on a positive note and instead of being posted to Canberra to Defence Intelligence Organisation as I requested I was posted to Maritime Headquarters, Directorate Naval Intelligence as the Staff Officer Imagery and Acoustics at Garden Island Potts Point Sydney.  In this position I was back looking at Collins Class Submarine issues. 

Failing the course however was quite traumatic for me.  It was the end of 1996 and I had rented a car and driven from Newcastle to Canberra to speak to my poster (Human Resource Manager). I knew that there would be positions becoming available for the new-year if I was unable to repeat the course.   They offered initially to place me on the following course that was running four weeks behind the one I failed in the eighth week.  It was a nine-week course that cost the Navy one million dollars per trainee.  They were willing to place me on the next course, that was already four weeks along and pay one million dollars for me again.  But the Royal Australian Air Force then filled the position that was vacant on the course by placing one of their Officers into the vacant position.  He worked at the school and had only recently transferred from the Royal Air Force to the Royal Australian Airforce.  I was shattered.  I even had one friend comment that they were surprised that I did not suicide then with what had happened.  It never occurred to me to even consider taking my life.  Prior to taking up the position as Staff Officer Imagery and Accoustics at Garden Island I was posted to HMAS WATSON.  There  were a few Senior Sailors that were interested in placing me on another course for the control of Helicopters.  The timings were not good and I was placed in the Staff Officer position mentioned within a week.  In some respects I hadn’t really gotten over the failure and the inability to complete the Air Intercept Controllers course.

The posting to the position of Staff Officer Imagery and Acoustics was only for a short duration, three months until I along with my Poster decided what direction I would be taking with my career.  I was able to oversee the Maritime Intelligence Center and how it coordinated collection and delivered the maritime intelligence information with the Royal Australian Navy fleet.  It was during this time that I received the briefs and security clearances that I should have held prior when I was fulfilling the duties of Communications Security Custodian.   During this time I was to be introduced to the internal workings of Maritime Headquarters.  I was able to work for a Captain that had to apply three times to join the Navy.  The first as an Officer, only to be rejected, the second as a technical rate sailor, only to be rejected and the third at the insistence of his father he tried for general sailor, to finally be accepted.  He would later go on to change over to Officer after gaining his Clearance Diver qualification and would be the Chief of Navy when I returned from Austria in 2011. 

During my time in the position of Staff Officer Imagery and Acoustics under the command of a naval Officer that I held a lot of respect for and learnt a lot from, I decided that it would probably be appropriate for me to spend a year in the Maritime Headquarters.  I requested to be posted into the Maritime Intelligence Center on completion of my three months or when they had posted someone on to replace me.  I had made that decision after I was dragged into the Maritime Intelligence Center to destroy a room full of documents that did not have any destruction records.  I was dragged in there with an Army Captain and a Royal Australian Air Force Flight Lieutenant.  Incidently both the Army Captain and Air Intelligence Officer have worked for the United Nations since.  I guess having one officer from each service, no records showed how the future of tri service organizations were to be for the Australian Defence Forces.  The Maritime Intelligence Center was to become the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center.  The poster agreed to the posting and I was posted as Watch Officer five in February 1997.  The watch officer position required the incumbent to manage the operation floor consisting of five sailors to ensure that the intelligence requirements for the Royal Australian Navy were met. The watch, or should I say shift would be twelve hours per day and usually end up being fourteen hours of a night.  But it was four days on and four days off, something that would allow me to get back into sport.

I was living at the time in Lane Cove with two other girls and would take the bus and a train to work whilst fulfilling the position of Staff Officer Imagery and Acoustics.  After taking on the position of Watch Officer five, I decided that it would be better if I just took the bus and walked the hour from Sydney’s city center to Potts Point.  It was early mornings, but it worked out perfect.  I also decided to get back into sport and joined the Lane Cove soccer team.  The team consisted of all female police officers and me.  I guess as in my youth I wanted to either be in the Police Force or in the Navy, I could finally do it on the soccer field, I could be both.  I became very good friends with one of the police officers from my soccer team friend who was also in the Police Force.  We had a similar background as we had both come from Queensland.  Her move to New South Wales was only recent as it coincided with her transfer form the Queensland Police Force to the New South Wales Police Force.  We were also working shift work so our hours, time off quite often coincided.  There were many times I was required to work Saturday night, sleep in the morning, wake for an hour and a half game of soccer clean eat and then back at work the following Sunday night.  But the real test was Monday morning, when I had to brief the Admiral and his staff at 0800.  I never received negative feed-back.  The limited but deep sleep was what I was used to.  When I was at sea I would regularly do the Middle watch (the guts watch) from midnight to 0400.  I would only have a couple of hours sleep before hand and a couple of hours sleep after.  As a Seaman Officer, even if we had been up most of the night, we were not allowed to sleep during the days working hours of 0800 to 1600 (four pm).

During my first year of being posted to the Maritime Intelligence Center it was amalgamated into the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center, a recently new unit that had been established to support the recently newly created position of Commander Australian Theatre (COMAST).  At the time the incumbent of the position was a General that would go on to assist with the flood relief and reconstruction work of 2006 for Queensland the Governor General (yes the same that was the patron to the Army Alpine Association) and his deputy would be the Chief of the Defence Force when I was in Austria and when I was to return.  The Commander of the Australian Joint Intelligence Center was a Colonel who had headed up the SAS and on my return to Australia from Austria was to be the Chief of the Army.  I had to front him early in this new post defending a sailor that had gone absent without leave for seven days.  I was facing a Navy Police coxswain that had previously served with the United Nations and had dated my old friend from Russell Offices, HMAS WATSON, HMAS WESTRALIA and HMAS ADELAIDE.  After the drunken discussion I had with her explaining my situation with the abuser and after my failing the Air Intercept Controllers course she had pretty much decided I was not worth having as a friend.  The defence went well, I had the case go to a higher level with the sailor being defended by a navy lawyer instead of me, an officer that should not have been defending him.  Basically I was really bad but he really needed a navy lawyer.

Personally, I was also able to catch up with a couple of old classmates from my Seaman Officer training days and deployments on HMAS TORRENS and HMAS SWAN.  One decided to start a relationship with me ( a male of course, even though it has been noted in the past that if you are not sleeping around you are gay, something I wasn’t) as well as having a relationship with another of a mutual female friend.  It wasn’t a nice situation, but I had just failed a big course and I was working in the Maritime Headquarters with my tail between my legs trying to keep a low profile.  I couldn’t really stop the relationship and was unaware of their relationship at the start.  When I found out, I pulled away at the time because I needed friends but both of them were comfortable with the weird relationship we were in.  It was a difficult and trying situation.  Considering both were friends of my namesake, and she had just recently been selected for the high profile position of Staff Officer to Commander Australian Theatre (COMAST) the General.  After the abuser, and the stories that were told by him and his girlfriend my namesake, I was the one in the wrong and they let everyone know.  The other girl with my new relationship situation at the headquarters was also in a high profile position of Staff Officer to the Maritime Commander whilst the guy that we were both with would replace her in the high profile position after twelve months.  Twisted I know.  I really just wanted to pull away, and found soccer and my new found friends outside of Defence a great outlet.  They, the male fellow classmate and his other half had both introduced me to other mid ranking Officers in the headquarters and started me on selling a product that was similar to Amway.  They along with the other mid ranking Officers from both the Army and Air Force were using the headquarters as a way of recruiting people for the product and for selling it.  I went in but did not sell to anyone and did not sign anyone up.  I decided to get out of that quickly after attending a couple of their meetings and seeing how big the network was.  I was also later to learn (not sure if true but told to me by them) that after they married that he had been and was still running her as a prostitute to foreigners.  They were both mid level ranking Officers, both on very good salaries, held very high security clearances, worked closely with high ranking Officers so knew all issues of security implications for Navy and Defence.  Not one of Defences greatest stories.  I attended their wedding on Garden Island where he had the Admirals chef (he was then the Admiral’s staff Officer at the time) prepare some finger food for a small reception, there was only about ten of us attending as guests.  It was his second marriage.  They were mid ranked naval Officers that married to work together and they were making a lot of money on the side.  I am not sure how they were able to hold their positions or both be selected for the position of Staff Officer to the Maritime Commander.  A lot of the money they put into art and entertainment.  I remember the girl telling me once that she had had enough but he just wants her to keep going as the money was good and well she was the expert at doing couples.  It was quite shocking but not something for me to talk about.  The relationship with these two, was always cordial from me for the first two years of my posting to the Maritime Intelligence Center then to become the Australian Joint Intelligence Center. 

Once in the Maritime Intelligence Center I became good friends with a Supply Officer that had worked at HMAS WATSON whilst I was there as a trainee Seaman Officer.  She was working as the Staff Officer for the very Captain that I admired whilst I was performing the duties of the Staff Officer Imagery and Acoustics.  Our friendship grew more as I moved up a floor in the building to the new unit that was to be amalgamated into the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center. Within my second year she was to post out to a ship as the deputy Supply Officer, only to be flown back from a beautiful French pacific island with a broken nose.  Apparently she had gone riding for the day with a couple of sailors from her division, one of which she was dating, to see the island.  There was a pole going across the road, which everyone else ducked to pass except her.  She rode straight into it and broke her nose.  The nose was stuffed with gause and a caste placed onto for her flight home to Sydney Australia.  On arrival in Australia, there was no one to meet her from Defence and no medical staff were informed of her imminent arrival.  I received a phone call from her and she asked if she could stay with me for a couple of days until she sorted out what she was going to do about her situation.  On seeing her at my door, I was living at Darlinghurst at the time, all I could think of was the lion king.  I offered her my bed and bedroom to sleep in whilst I slept on the lounge room floor.  She had to contact the ship and organise her own medical and dental examinations.  I just provided the dry spaghetti that she would use to scratch the inside of her nose.  I felt honoured when she would leave the used dried spaghetti lying around my kitchen when I came home from work.  But at times, in the service that is the support we have to offer to our friends and foe because I never had the favour returned in my time of need.  She was the only person I know that had approval for any plastic surgery on her face after this incident.

I was also to learn how unprofessional some Officers of the Australian Intelligence Corps were.  This is not referring to all, just some. They were responsible for providing timely intelligence to the men in the field and to the General or Admiral when requested but we had one that would regularly sleep when he was on duty in front of junior staff.  He was a Captain, very gifted with analysis and briefing but very unprofessional when it came to work ethics.  He didn’t quite understand that if Command didn’t think it was necessary for him to be there working over night he wouldn’t be there but called in early to conduct analysis and prepare his brief.  He is now a lecturer at the Australian Defence Force Academy but only after a scandal and a book release.  Another Australian Intelligence Corps Officer had a case of turrets syndrome, he was going to fight the system with words for his posting to Papua New Guinea.  Within one sentence he had used the word “fucked” liberally for quoting a high-ranking local Officer.  The sentence was sent back to Australia in a message that was picked up by our unit for briefing the Commander Australia Theatre.  I believe the quote went something like

“The whole fucking thing is fucking fucked”

Were the words used by the high-ranking local Officer, I don’t know, why was it put in the message, as a joke to see if the oncoming Officer that was to release the message picked it up, and what happened to the Officer that wrote it, he got to complete his Masters in Asian Studies at the Australian National University in Canberra for a year outside of Defence.  Guess he was gifted as well. 

Professionally whilst I was watch keeping, as Watch Officer five my time off was spent with my police friends, going out in Sydney.  One night that we went out whilst I was still living in Lane Cove.  We both, myself and one of the police girl that was friend of the team members, ventured down to a club in North Sydney to play some pool and met up with a couple of other young police officers.  Next a younger group came in and I ended up hooking up with one of the guys.  He came back to my place and well things happened.  He was working for a legal firm in North Sydney whilst still studying and living with his parents.  His parents lived two houses down from the new NSW’s Police Commissioner’s house over the north side of Sydney.  The next day when I was driving him back to his place he was talking about guns and drugs and the new group of friends he had how they were very dangerous.  The following day I received about ten messages from him on my phone, I didn’t receive them straight away, as I was not able to take my mobile phone to work but received them later.  That night I went over to see him, but his mother answered the door, she gave me back my coat which I requested and informed me that he is not well at the moment and has gone to hospital.  I didn’t see him again.  She did however say thankyou to me.  I was to learn in 2008 from a fellow naval Officer working at the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center that during that year 1997, he had met the NSW Police Commissioner that was brought out from the UK to assist with the audit of police and security for NSW before the Sydney Olympics.   They also looked at corruption issues for the NSW Police Force.  As both the naval Officer and the Police Commissioner were from the UK originally and had their careers start in the UK Royal Navy and UK Police Force respectfully, there was a lot for them to discuss.  At the time of my incident this very navy Officer was working in an office two doors away from me.

After this incident I moved accommodation twice, which did take me away from my new police friends that by the end of the second year in Sydney, I was predominately going out with my military friends again.  I moved from Lane Cove, to Darling Harbour to Darlinghurst, from a three bedroom, to a two bedroom to a one bedroom apartment.  Initially as stated, I shared with two girls, both were female sailors and one took up a position with an Equity team that would go out to ships and establishments to discuss equity and harassment issues.  I remember one story she told me how she was giving a brief on an all male-crewed ship, and giving a briefing on harassment, she had never felt more uncomfortable in the presence of a group of males.  Especially from the new sailors, the ones that trained and served with females and were taught what was right and wrong and what would happen if they crossed the line.  In some respects we could expect the older males would be condescending towards the females because they had never had to serve with females or had ever trained with them.  They would all be leaving within the next couple of years anyway and would really have little to do with the females coming through.  But from the younger guys, there was no reason for it. 

With Darling Harbour, I shared with a fellow female Supply Officer that was to post out within the first few months of me being there to a ship sailing out of Garden Island HMAS STIRLING, Western Australia.  I stayed in the current apartment for a while and one of my police friends, the one that came from Queensland would regularly come and stay in the spare room. The one that I went out with to play pool whilst living at Lane Cove, we became partners in crime, well innocent crime.  The worst we would do is get into clubs for free, else it was our jobs if we did anything else.  One night after her shift of protective security for a function at Darling Harbour, just in the complex next to my apartment complex she came over to change so that we could go out.  She lived still in Lane Cove so did not want to travel back there to drop off her gear.  Her hand held gun instead was just left under my bed, loaded.  I felt safe!??  We went out had a good night and she came back to collect her gear and go home.  She couldn’t stay as she still had to conduct another protective security shift the following day.  For the remainder of my time living at Darling Harbour, we remained good friends but due to the cost and the increase in the number of hours for my work I chose to move to Darlinghurst into a cheaper and more secure one bedroom apartment.  After that, I really did not see her very often and we just grew apart and I was back to being in the thick of my military friends.  Although within a couple of months a NSW police officer moved into the intelligence operations room.  He was doing Army reserve time and made a point of letting me know who he was.  I am not sure why he made such a point of letting me know what his real profession was but it seemed that I was still liaising with the state police force.  I believe at the time they were looking at corruption within their ranks, possibly a second reason why we bought a Commissioner out from the UK to head up the NSW police force.

After the move, I did start to see a fellow mid ranking naval Officer that I knew from my Academy days and remained cognisant of my new police friend in the headquarters.  When I was a first year he was my third year Divisional Cadet Captain.  In those days he would never talk to me, today, he was seeing me as his girlfriend.  It was weird, because as anyone that went to the Academy would remember, when you see or refer to Officers that were your seniors at the Academy, you still held them in that position of authority as that was such an all encompassing stressful time for most of the cadets.  A lot of careers were shaped by those first couple of years at the Academy.  It was only a short term relationship but I was able to learn of his time he had in the United States of America on exchange posting where he started a relationship that was still on going, or off not really too sure the way he was with an American girl that was currently posted to one of the United States Navy’s ships.  I was during this relationship to fall pregnant again.  This time there were complications with the potential of cervical cancer and Chlamydia. I was in the right frame of mind to go ahead with the pregnancy but once confronted with all of the complications it seemed that that was not going to be an option for me.  So I was to proceed with termination number two at Royal Australian Navy expense.  I told the father, my old third year, and he was extremely supportive of the termination option, reason for me considering being a single mother until I was confronted with the complications.  This was during the second half of 1997 and after I had moved to Darlinghurst and back to my military friends.  To get clearance for the termination, the Doctor called his naval Doctor friend at the bar at Garden Island to seek approval.  I was so happy they were discussing my case in front of me and at the bar!

I was still Watch Officer five at the time and could structure the termination and the couple of day’s recovery in my four days off so that I did not need to take any leave for the operation or recovery.  So I assumed that really no one would be aware of my operation other than the father, my direct supervisor and the medical staff.  I was wrong!?  It was to become common knowledge to all of my fellow Officers.   And the story turned out to be even more interesting than the facts, apparently I had had four terminations.  The medical staff had inadvertently sent my operation details to another female Naval Officer.  When she questioned it and found out it was my documentation she came and saw me to hand it back to me as a caring gesture.  It was basically to let me know that she knew.  I was also later to find out that she had informed other Officers, our peers at a naval bar over alcohol that

“She has had four abortions. I know because I have seen her medical file”

After hearing this, I was left with no choice, but to have the incident investigated.  It was incorrect information, but she admitted to having knowledge of my medical information, which was “in confidence”.  She knew but should have been briefed on and “she was making malicious comments about me with a fellow Officer.  After seeing a fellow Officer whilst in tears I went and requested of the second most senior Officer at Maritime Headquarters that my personal “medical in confidence” information had been discussed at a bar and Officers were making malicious comments about me using this as evidence.  I now had to officially let the second most senior Officer at Maritime Headquarters know that I had had two terminations and that, this information was being used by my fellow Officers to discredit me amongst my fellow Officers.  The senior Officer that would sit in front of me of a morning after my night watch for the morning maritime briefing so I was familiar with him now knew my personal life.  I just was not used to having him or the other Officers being so familiar with my personal information.   I ended up discussing the situation with a couple of different Officer’s, knowing that word was going to get around, and so many wanted me to go after the Officer that stated the above comment, she really was not that popular amongst her fellow Officers as she seemed to have walked over so many.  I was starting to feel sorry for her but I needed the investigation, because the medical center had given out “in confidence” information on my personal situation wrongly, and it should never have happened.   I also sort external legal advice where a QC from Sydney sent a letter to this Officer, informing her via her new command, the Commanding Officer HMAS WATSON, that if such conversations were to continue in the bar at HMAS WATSON or any other place further legal action would be taken. 

Defence ended up bringing in a reserve Officer to conduct the investigation, where a lot of mid ranking Officers were interviewed. In moy interview with him he did state to me there were things that he did not want to go into as they would open a can of worms.  I really did not know what he meant by that and will not speculate here but it was an interesting comment to make when you are required to make complete a full investigation.  I am not sure of what his real profession was outside but I knew he was local. There was a lot of stuff mentioned about me that was not nice, I accepted that as I knew it was probably going to be the case.  But the result was that the medical center was to go through a complete audit, apparently they had also lost a lot of inoculation records at the time and there were quite a few records that had gone missing.  Also, the female Officer and another Officer were given administrative warnings for their malicious conversations.  I was given the option whether to proceed with the warnings.  My Command on receiving the report informed me that if I was to proceed with requesting the warnings, other senior Officers would be required to read the report. He requested that I go away and read the report first and think about if I wanted to proceed.  I went away, screamed a bit and cried a lot but walked back into his office with conviction and told him I was happy for him to proceed with the Administrative warnings for the two officers as it was the right thing to do.  I knew full well that others would know about it inclusive of the Commands and that I would be tarnished further but it was the right thing to do. He was giving me the option not to proceed as a means of reducing the number of people who know.  I knew they, the Commands probably had an idea anyway as they would have been drinking with those officers and would have been informed that they were required to be interviewed by an investigating Officer, but as the findings irrespective of all the information given were based on an independent investigation.  The medical center had already been dealt with.  I was never to receive any further problems from that female Officer and never discussed the investigation.  But I was to be moved into a position where I was briefing the senior Officers of Maritime Headquarters on a daily basis, knowing full well that they knew the rumours and not necessarily the outcome of the investigation.

1998 started off better than 1997, I worked through the Christmas break, as Watch Officer five and for the new year moved into the position of Senior Watch Officer, where I was responsible for the watch floor, the product they produced and the welfare and professional development of the sailors and Officers that worked on the watch floor.  I worked directly for the Operations Officer who was responsible for the analysis produced and everyday support provided by the watch floor to meet the growing tasks generated by the fleet and wider defence operational community.  For me personally, it meant that I was no longer working four days on and four days off but was working Monday to Friday, working 0600 to approx 5 or 6 pm.  Outside these hours I held a defence mobile as I was always on call in case something happened.  It was fortunate that I had moved from Darling Harbour to Darlinghurst as it would only take me fifteen minutes to walk to work and back and my one bedroom apartment in a brand new tall apartment building was very easy to maintain.  Time off I could go to the gym or the pool in the apartment building.  I did have my mum come down and stay with me for a week whilst I lived in this building, she was able to spend quality time touring Sydney of a day and of a night we would go out to various shows considering my close proximity to theatres and live shows.  On the weekend we were able to complete a helicopter flight over Sydney harbour.  For me it was the first in a civilian helicopter, and had meant that I had seen Sydney harbour from the water, the sky and the bridge, it was always an amazing sight. 

Professionally, as the new Senior Watch Officer, I took over the daily maritime briefs to the Admiral and the weekly Commander Australian Theatre briefs as having the one person providing them, either my position or the Operations Officer position meant that the briefs would be tailored more to his complete theatre interests and questions that were asked in the previous weeks would be considered for further briefings and response to questions were faster.  Strange considering that I was that one person that had her life put in paper only six months earlier for the information of any senior Officer at Maritime Headquarters through an investigation, that resulted in the medical center being completely audited of its paper and electrical documents and filing system. 

Why I took over all the briefs?  The problem we had was that the night watch Officers were required to provide the daily briefs to the Admiral of a morning which would mean that their twelve hour shift would turn into a fourteen hour shift.  A problem when one of the Officers that during their drive home almost fell asleep and almost had a car accident.  If someone was to work the same hours for a day then they were entitled to a cab charge home, but not our watch keepers.  To have someone have a road accident after an extended shift for the Navy would have been a seriously embarrassing and neglect on the Royal Australian Navy’s behalf.  I was to continue the routine of providing the briefings from the start of 1998 through until I posted out in February 1999.  It was because of the brief that I had to turn up to work at 0600 to have the watch keeper brief me of the activities over the last 24-hour period before they went home.  No one had done it before me and unfortunately no one continued after me, leaving neglect with the duty of care.  It was also during this time as me in the position of Senior Watch Officer that it was finally agreed to by the Operations Officer to allow the watch keepers start a watch routine of four days on four days off five days on five days off to allow everyone have two full weekends a month.  A situation that was a lot better for those sailors and Officers with families. 

With my increased hours at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center I started to become very good friends with the American female seconded to the Australian Joint Intelligence Center.  She had been seconded to provide support to our maritime picture as she had worked for the United States Navy as a civilian.  Our friendship grew very strongly, as similarly she would have to arrive early and would have to leave late.  She had a knack of coming up to me five minutes before I had to brief and change her area of responsibility, usually quite significantly.  But I was always able to update accordingly in the appropriate time frame.  The time of day we had the least amount of work to do was between the hours of 11 am and 1 pm so we would take a three cappuccino lunch at a very small but very good café up the street of Potts Point.  We referred to it as the hole in the wall.  During our time eating and drinking at this café we would see many local home grown celebrities that were doing well on the international stage.  It seemed this small café that used milk crates as seats was one of the most popular cafes in Sydney.  I was also to have breakfast one day in my apartment building with the Murdoch family late 1998.  The building literally on top of William Street had the most amazing café downstairs that provided one of the best breakfasts in Sydney.  That morning there was me with my paper, and the Murdoch family having breakfast for two hours.  No one else entered the place for the duration. 

Our friendship, my friendship with my American friend grew very strongly and it was through this strong friendship and professional understanding of the unit’s requirements that we started to travel to Canberra on a regular basis for meetings with other intelligence units and other government units.  Some were more humorous than others with a fellow from fisheries giving her a picture of himself in speedos, we could never work out why and never wanted to find out.  Meetings were also held with the Department of Immigration and Multicultural Affairs and for me with the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade, to see how we could help with their intelligence pictures and how we could drive them to help with ours.  Some were hostile, some were a waste of time but most were informative, depending on the person that we met with from the other organization. For my visit to the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade, it was with a fellow male Air Force Officer and I was a bit under the weather from a previous night of drinking with a fellow female Air Force Officer. He drove all the way and we had to have a few stops along the way so that I could get some much-needed fresh air.  I was suppose to go into work before travelling to Canberra from Sydney by car, but thought better of it.  Unfortunately for the Operations Officer, he had to do my morning brief as I figured the Admiral could have gotten drunk on my words.  He had already seen me in my Hawaiian shirt giving a brief on jeans for genes day.  Why I was out of uniform for the brief, supporting a good course and I had my badge “jeans for Genes day’ on for protection.  I had been told by the other Officers that were briefing that that they were going to dress the same, but they never did, leaving me as the only Officer in the briefing room out of uniform.  I guess my briefs were good and informative, because it was never mentioned then or after the briefing in a negative way.  My American friend and I on our trips to Canberra would also visit the American Embassy for some cheap wine which for a couple of trips instigated the need for the drive.  But that always lead to a worthwhile and informative meeting.  I was also able to visit the American Consulate in Sydney, located in the MLC building on a very high floor.  Why I went, well it was between the hours of 11 am and 1 pm and I went for my cappuccino, my friend went to collect her mail.  She had the most amazing apartment in Kirribilli, overlooking the harbour and the bridge and would walk to work as a means to burn off the cappuccino. It was to be where we were to hold our New Years Eve party that year, basically all those junior to mid level Officers that were not required for watch.

My American friend in our initial growth of our friendship was seeing an Australian Submariner Officer but by the end of it she was seeing an Army Intelligence Officer.  The break up of the first relationship, I was just a shoulder for discussion but the instigator of the second relationship, well it is what I told her on a holiday to Hamilton Island that I took with her, her sister and her brother in law late 1998 that was to set the foundations for their future marriage and life.  They ended up marrying after dating in 1998 and he was to follow her back to America.  Now they are travelling the world following his career with an international security company.  The last time I was to see them was in 2005 when I visited them in China and when we followed up in January 2006 on the Gold Coast.   The other friendships that grew strong during the 1998-1999 period at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center were very strong as we would generally have functions organised for at least every if not every second week-end.  It became quite tight knit to the point where I knew pretty much everything that was occurring.  I was informed that as the Commander Australian Theatre was living up the street in a Penthouse in Potts Point that he would have the young Officers come and brief him on the street, This was apparently approved by the mid level army Officers that were providing the information for the briefs.  This meant there was noone watching the traffic at the junior Officers station when he went to brief, The Officers briefing were outside my area but soon after this I was required to start to brief the very Commander on a weekly basis of the Maritime picture.   I never had to brief him outside his apartment.  During my time at the Australian theatre Joint Intelligence Center I applied for an exchange position in Hawaii at the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific with the United States Navy.  I was unsuccessful at the time and the successful recipient was to post in for the last six months before he left to assume the position of Exchange Officer as the Operations Officer.  The Operations Officer had left the position eight months out and I had been filling it in an acting capacity.  Basically I was receiving extra money from Defence for performing duties above my rank.  It was the first of two times that I was to work my way up to such a position. 

One of the biggest dilemmas I had was giving a very junior sailor a very high report so early on in her career.  She had performed at her duties at a very high level, would learn the other positions and fill in for them when they had to leave the watch floor to attend to coffee, food or bathroom, and would regularly interrogate the computer system to correct mistakes from previous watches, whether ours or other units and would regularly find information that others had overlooked.  It was the hardest report that I had to explain as to why it was deserved to Command and an even bigger debrief for her as I had to reward her for her efforts on our watch floor but inform her that her next report would unlikely be as high as she was going to sea for the first time and there was a lot she would be learning.  It would probably be a good report but not as high as this one as this was a rare report.  The same had to be done to get a very high report through for a Air Force senior airman that was performing well above his rank with the designated responsibility that had been placed on him.  So we had extremes, a sailor that went absent without leave, and sailors, airmen and soldiers that were performing well above their levels of responsibility and rank.  We also had one sailor whose family were very well connected with regards to the financial market.  He had come off the submarines after an accident that was being investigated for interference in some way.  He would keep quiet was very reliable about it but would offer always a humorous side to every watch.  There were even a couple that were married that would be on alternative watches.  When the husband came in he would bring in the baby with him and a part of the hand over on the computer would be the handover of the baby.  It was allowed as both were very professional sailors and the Navy, well at shore establishments was becoming a flexible work place for families provided the core functions were shown to and were able to be met.

On completion of my posting to the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center, on handing over to the Officer taking up the position of Operations Officer for six months I was to post to the Maritime Intelligence Wing at the Joint Intelligence Training Center, KOKODA Barracks Canungra, basically the Gold Coast.  The report I received on my departure from the Australian Joint Intelligence Training Center was very good.  The Royal Australian Navy Captain that was to replace the Army ex SAS Colonel wrote the report:

LEUT Evans is a good-humoured, conscientious officer who exerts a very good influence on those she works with, an excellent lateral-thinking ability and superior analytical thought process have combined to provide her with an exceptional capacity to plan the activities of the watch floor to meet any contingency.

As Senior Watch Officer, and Assistant Operations Officer, LEUT Evans has been called upon to provide numerous verbal and written briefs to a wide audience, including the Maritime Commander and visiting dignitaries.  Without exception, these briefs have been clear, concise and presented to a very high standard.  Her overall performance during the reporting period has contributed significantly to overall unit effectiveness.

LEUT Evans continues to express a strong desire to remain in the intelligence field.  Her imminent posting to the Defence Intelligence Training Center will provide her the opportunity to further her professional knowledge and experience, as well as pass on her knowledge to other RAN members taking up intelligence-related postings.  LEUT Evans’ professional and personal standards make her an ideal candidate for a representational posting such as that to the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific, and a recommendation for early promotion is considered appropriate. 

My immediate supervisor, that was an Army Intelligence Corps Lieutenant Colonel had also provided the following comments.

LEUT Evans has a very good knowledge of Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center operations and the numerous requirements involved in providing operational intelligence support to Australian Defence Force and Allied customers.  Her capacity for sustained effort and compassionate attitude towards those she has been responsible for have combined to provide an exceptional example for seniors and juniors alike, and have directly contributed to the superior quality of intelligence support provided by the Australian Joint Intelligence Center. 

In her capacity as Acting Operations Officer, LEUT Evans has been responsible for the full raft of watch floor operations.  Faced with substantial organisational change and numerous manning challenges, she displayed very good initiative and resourcefulness to provide well thought out solutions and ensure watch floor operations were not effected.  On several occasions, her combined duties required her to work extended hours over a period of weeks.  During these periods, her exceptional devotion to duty and conscientiousness ensured her combined duties were thoroughly attended to.

I was pretty impressed with the report, and considering that I was about to move to a unit that was predominately Army Intelligence Corps, it was good to see that a Lieutenant Colonel form the Intelligence Corps held me in high regard.  I had already visited the establishment once to complete the Introduction to Defence Intelligence Course whilst I was a watch keeper at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center and within my first couple of months of being posted to the unit they had me complete the Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis course before I started to provide instructional support to our fledging maritime courses. 

The position had to be created for me before my placement.  Basically, they moved a position from the Navy Communications Centre in Darwin to the Defence Intelligence Training Centre.  Prior to its move I was sent up to Darwin and Alice Springs just to have a look at a few things which may or may not be associated with the movement of that position.

Navy had decided that it was time to officially start maritime specific courses at the Joint Intelligence Training Center.  Initially, it was and in some respects with its current Command structure is an Army unit with some Navy and Air Force officers posted as a support function and instructional function on the initial Defence specific courses, the Introduction to Defence Intelligence course and the Defence Research and Analytical course.   Any maritime intelligence training was touched on the Principle Warfare Officers Course and those Officers posted to ships were required to complete one if not both of the initial Defence courses.  These courses were general and did not really meet Navy’s needs.  Myself and the Operations Officer, the person that posted out of the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center before me and who I replaced and received higher duties allowance for were both posted up to do the training development of Navy, maritime intelligence specific courses that would meet the Royal Australian Navy’s needs.  Whether we were to receive Intelligence as a branch in itself was still to be debated but our job was to develop and provide the necessary training.  Our experience with dealing directly with the ships and their boss, the Maritime Commander, meant we were aware of the requirements and were familiar with the variable standards of support and effort provided by the Naval Officers being placed in positions that there was no official training for.  This was to occur concurrently with the growth of the unit that had been approved by the three services, Army, Navy and Air Force, the Intelligence Community and the Army Training Command that would be responsible for administering the growth and change in direction.  This was the second time I was to be posted to a unit that was to undergo significant growth and change in direction from point of approval to implementation.  The first was with the posting to the Maritime Intelligence Center and its growth and amalgamation into the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center.

Initially I was placed in an instructional role and eventually took on the training development role as well.  The Royal Australian Navy at the time had permanent Navy serving Officers filling intelligence positions and performing intelligence functions as a dual responsibility but the only permanent Naval Officers that were considered as intelligence qualified were Reserve Officers.  I had met a couple that the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center had employed for specialised long term research and analysis projects.  At the Defence Intelligence Training Center we were trying to establish a Ship’s Intelligence Officers course and tried to call on some of the naval reserve assistance available from Brisbane.  During this time I met a Navy Reserve Officer that worked within the Head Quarters of the Queensland Correctional System.  His primary work was within their intelligence cell but he had been involved in conducting projects for the Royal Australian Navy and the human resource management of the Reserve Intelligence Officers.  Unfortunately for us, he did not have sea experience and was able to provide limited support to the development of the new course.  I did how ever have quite a few informative conversations with him and in time established that he did know quite well one of my cousins that had worked as a prison warden and had worked her way up the system to a position in their Headquarters.  I was also made aware of quite a few Army intelligence Officers that had moved into the various state correctional systems, predominately working in the intelligence areas. At the time this conversation was just informative and interesting and I was not to see him again.  From this he did gain further project work in Sydney at Maritime Headquarters.  Meeting a Navy Reserve Intelligence Officer that worked within the Headquarters of the Queensland correctional system did not mean much to me at the time, but I am sure that it influenced my treatment within Austria as I was to go through their Correctional System in 2010 and had a senior Correctional Officer visit the cell I was held in during that time.  It probably influenced the employment I was to gain on my return to Australia in 2011 as I was employed writing training manuals and lessons and delivering training to correctional staff within Queensland and Melbourne as well as delivering training to prisoners held within the Queensland correctional system.  But by 2010, and finally arriving in Austria I was quite used to seeing senior staff from Military and the Police Force from the various countries that I visited and I guess should not have expected nothing less.

During that first year at the Defence Intelligence Training Center I was required to live on board in the accommodation next to the Officers Mess.  It was the first time since 1994 that I had been required to live in Defence single Officers accommodation.  The accommodation was quite old but located next to the dining hall and bar.  There were always a lot of Army Officers that posted through the base on a temporary basis as it held the Army School that provided the staff courses to their junior and mid ranked Officers.  The only other permanent tenants of the Mess were me and five other Officers that were over the age of fifty and using the Mess accommodation during the week whilst they went to their homes and families in Brisbane on the weekends.  As there was little to do in the Mess I decided to find a sport again to play down at the Gold Coast.  I chose again to play soccer and chose to play for the Surfers Paradise club.  Training was Tuesday and Thursday night whilst the games were played on Monday nights.  Again, the team did have police staff and the coach was a police Officer.  I also had friends in Brisbane that were playing touch football of a Wednesday night so I would drive to Brisbane on a Wednesday to play touch football and of a weekend I would drive back to Brisbane to spend it with my friends.  With Physical Training every morning at the Defence Intelligence Training Center being mandatory for all Defence serving personnel and the day starting at 0715, my days were quite long and quite enjoyable.  The fact that it was a depressing situation that I had to take up accommodation in the Officers Mess considering the accommodation I had come form in Sydney, I was able to improve the situation by getting involved in sport and never really using the accommodation.  For me it was only to sleep and shower.  I even got to know the cleaners in the block and they started to do the washing of my clothes for me.   It was quite a good situation.  I also had a family relative working at the unit as the correspondence officer dealing with all incoming and outgoing correspondence, which was unique as she was working as a public servant for the Department of Defence.  

Initially, on my arrival there were problems with the unclassified computer system that was being operated within the unit. It had been found that an Officer had placed classified information on the system.  The result was the whole system had to be cleaned over the weekend and the security officer called on a couple of extra staff to assist.  I was one of those.  Our job was to log onto every computer in the building and if anything was found to call the security officer.  I remember one of the female army Intelligence Corps Officers saying at the bar one Thursday afternoon that the searches they were to use would find information on her computer that she had sanitised.  Yes it did because I checked her computer and the whole computer was cleaned as a precaution.  I remembered a naval friend telling me once that a similar problem had occurred on one of the Royal Australian Navy’s major ships.  It resulted in no one being able to work for the day whilst the computer was shut down, checked and cleaned.  It was amazing how many different departments on the ship were reliant on the internal unclassified local area network to function.  But that is with most businesses today as we move towards a paper less society. 

The Army Intelligence Corps Officer that would sleep on watch at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center, would continue to be analytically minded and would complete a lot of personal analysis.  Once he sent me a document to hand to the defence civilian that was in charge of the Defence Intelligence Training Wing.  The civilian was an ex Army Intelligence Corps Officer and had basically spent the good part of the last ten to fifteen years at the school, either in uniform or as a civilian.  I handed it on gave my impression of the officer, as he used to sleep in front of juniors and left it at that.  I never read the report and had no interest in reading the report.  But it was forwarded whilst he was still in uniform in the next year I believe there was an investigation and he left defence as a uniformed Officer, only to turn up a few years later as a university lecturer at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  For the defence civilian, he always seemed to have his agenda, to get up and running a strategic intelligence course, but could never quite get it signed off on.  But he remained the backbone of the unit, whether the other Officers wanted to agree to it or not.  He had his life there; most others only had a two-year posting. 

For this first year I also did a week at sea so that the Lieutenant Colonel that was initially filling the position as Commandant for the Defence Intelligence Training Center could experience sea life and have an understanding of the work environment our Officers that we want to train to be Ship’s Intelligence Officers work in. He was surprised at how young our Officers were given such high responsibility. He was also to understand that intelligence was not going to be their primary role or primary qualification but an ancillary role and qualification for them.  Unlike the Army and the Air Force where intelligence was a primary role and qualification. For me my primary role and qualification was as a Seaman Officer but I had significant intelligence experience and had gained a significant number of Intelligence qualifications.  The report that I was to receive from this Officer at the end of 1999 on his posting from this unit was quite good and encouraging for the large task ahead we still had to do to establish the courses that we needed established to support a career structure for those Officers wanting to choose or are chosen for an Intelligence path.  But during the year that I worked for him I was also able to complete two courses, a short course providing Instructional Techniques and my Diploma in Training and Development as well providing assistance to developing and delivering the first three courses for our new Ship’s Intelligence Officers Course.  Unfortunately for me I was to have the abuser cross my path again as one of the trainees, which was a bit disturbing and upsetting but this time I only had to talk to him during the day in an office environment.  I did not have to see him after hours as with my sport I was never at the base.  The report I received stated:

LEUT Evans is a hard working officer with a cheerful disposition, who can always be relied on to complete all assigned tasks.  Her initiative and professional knowledge ensure that her personal work contributions are always professionally presented.  Although presented with limited opportunities she has used very sound leadership skills and management techniques to complete group projects in a very efficient manner. 

LEUT Evans mixes very well with superiors, peers and subordinates alike.

LEUT Evans would perform well in the rank of LCDR.  Further intelligence postings would make good use of the solid experience that she has already gained in this area.  LEUT Evans would also be suitable for representational duties.

My immediate supervisor, which was the Operations Officer that I previously worked for at the Maritime Intelligence Center was to add the following comments.

The Maritime Intelligence Wing was created in early 1999 to develop and deliver intelligence training for those personnel performing intelligence duties in the maritime environment.  The reporting period has entailed a heavy workload with design , development and delivery of three separate courses undertaken.  Although some assistance was provided by other wings, the unique application of intelligence in the maritime environment has required a fair degree of original thought.

LEUT Evans has been involved in all of these facets, displaying both a solid work ethic and good leadership qualities within a small but diverse team.

Having no previous experience as a trainer she has sought to increase her knowledge in the education field, and should make a useful addition to the Training Development Wing in the new year.  The intelligence experience acquired from previous postings have stood her in good stead.  In particular the ability to relate practical examples to trainees has produced good learning outcomes on numerous occasions.

The year 2000 started off slow, I continued to assist with the instructional duties for the Maritime Intelligence Wing and commenced the development work for the Advance Naval Officers Intelligence course.  It was the second new course that we were going to start to introduce to the unit.  It was to be a longer more in depth course that would result in participants gaining an Intelligence qualification.  I was also given the option to live ashore, move out from the base and chose to live up on Tamborine Mountain in what I called a tree house.  It was a wooden house built on the side of a mountain with a large deck, near a nature park and a short walk to a park, cafes and one of the most amazing views of the Gold Coast.  I continued to play soccer for Surfers Paradise and continued with driving down to the Gold Coast three nights a week but no longer drove to Brisbane of a weekend or on Wednesday nights.  For the soccer, the team was looking for a new coach, and I talked one of my friendly army Intelligence Corps Officers that had previously worked with me at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center and was the army Officer with me that was involved in the initial destruction of classified documents.  We had a bit of history with regards to the work environment and tasking so I figured he would be up to coaching a female soccer team, a role he took on with great enthusiasm.  Unfortunately, even though it was made up of fit females from the Gold Coast, most were actually lesbians, but he still took on the role with great enthusiasm.  I tried to keep active and was successfully doing so.  During this time a new Commandant posted in.  He was an Army Lieutenant Colonel Intelligence Corps Office that had a lot more personality than the previous incumbent and his sister in law was very high in the New South Wales Police Force.  Not sure why I would want to mention that but considering my connection to the New South Wales Police Force in my previous posting, it just seemed pertinent.   I was also able to hear from my American friend from the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center.  She was being dragged through an investigation where the very submariner Officer that she used to go out with was accusing her of spying.  She ended up being cleared of the accusation but it had the potential to become quite political.  The Army Intelligence Corps Officer that she was seeing at the time ended up proposing and it was during this year that they held their wedding in Canberra.  I was actually just going to go down to the wedding as a surprise but ended up being their Maid of Honour.  They were to hold two ceremonies, one in Canberra the one I attended and one in New Orleans, where she was from for her family and friend.  Due to work commitments I was unable to attend the second ceremony.  They now have an expatriate lifestyle and it started from the words from my mouth on Hamilton Island when I informed her that he liked her.  She started to take an interest and now they have the most wonderful family.

Back to the Defence Intelligence Training Center there was also an old Major that had served for quite some time in the Army Intelligence Corps.  The way he would talk, you would think that he was the Army Intelligence Corps. He had been married three times, bought three houses for each wife and current girlfriend and was married to the one woman twice.  That woman was a high-ranking officer with the Australian Secret Intelligence Service.  His current role was to administer the staff work for the career management of the Intelligence Corps Officers and Soldiers for the Head of Corps.  The Head of Corps was a secondary role held by the Lieutenant Colonel in the Commandant position for the Defence Intelligence Training Center.   As the section I worked in did a lot of work for his area, he would regularly come across and sit in the office with the Officer in Charge of the Training Development Wing.  At the time, an army Captain who was married to another army Captain that worked for the Major that would visit our office.  Both army Captains were Intelligence Corps Officers. Both were on their second marriage. The Officer in Charge position was a Major equivalent position so the Captain was receiving higher duties allowance for his efforts.  Bit like my situation at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center where I was working and given responsibility above my Rank.  Our office was responsible for developing the courses, assessments and ensures that the staff were providing instruction and assessments to the required level.  We also had an Education Officer posted to the section. His role was as an advisor and quality control for the training unit.  His second role was rugby administration for the Australian Defence Force team.  He regularly had to work directly for the General I used to brief as COMAST back in my days at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center.  At the time the General was in charge of defence rugby. It is the same General that was patron to the Army Alpine Association and was now the Governor General.  Guess I was always to cross his path in some form or another.

During this year, I started to become good friends with the younger Australian Intelligence Corps Staff Officers.  Prior to this, I would regularly sit of a lunch with the senior (in age) staff members of the Defence Intelligence Training Center and listen to their stories which at time could be a bit mundane but I spent a year just listening.  It was always interesting though when one of the young American Officers would sit with us.  At my insistence he would tell the story of his very expensive cup of coffee.  He was a tank officer and during the Gulf War of 1991 they were required to turn their tank on every morning to ensure that there was nothing wrong with the tanks electrons or mechanics.  But as the back of the tank would get very hot, they would place their cups on the back of the tank to heat up their water for coffee.  In the end the turning on of the tank was not to check the tank but to make the coffee and it would be a very expensive coffee because the M1A1 tanks were petrol guzzlers.  The other stories I would hear from the staff, were related to local political issues, interrogation and hostage stuff, treatment of males in the Middle East, and how to pull fluff out of your belly button.  All just what a young female naval Officer really wanted to listen to!!!? We also had a United Kingdom army Officer on exchange at the unit. His stories would be predominately from his days spent across the channel in Ireland or on the German border.  The other stories related to Vietnam, Philippines, Cambodia and even the Middle East.  One of the older Officers actually looked a lot like Saddam Hussein and when he left the Army to take up a civilian position at the unit, I was responsible for buying him a present.  His was to be a pair of underwear, brightly coloured G-Strings where one of the other older army Officers was to have a picture of Saddam placed on them.  They were brightly coloured and would have done well for framing.  I remember that it was this officer that used to talk regularly of males being raped in the Middle East.  The present was very fitting for the conversations I was exposed to. 

Changing to sit with the younger Officers, the conversations improved considerably.  To the point I was able to get back to rock climbing and talking about normal things which were not related to interrogation, where religion was all just made up or this or that political figure was making a fool of themselves or how the Philippinos would cut the top of the head of a monkey and place the monkey under the table so that everyone could eat from the brain whilst the animal was still alive.  It was fine for the classroom if true but at lunch time, really!  I am not sure why I would want the American exchange Officer to continually tell his coffee story.  But through the change in tables I was able to gain an invite by one of the army Officers who was into rock climbing to accompany him to Brisbane where we met up with another army Lieutenant Colonel to climb down near the river.  It was a great night but with my soccer, I could not coordinate to go again.  Also during this year I knew that the Intelligence qualification for Navy was going to be a possibility but as I worked in the hub that administered the information and intelligence for the fleet and the Maritime Commander, I knew how important it was to have a communications background.  I guess I kind of knew in my second year at the Australian Defence Force Academy when I tried to transfer to become a navy communications sailor.  I requested time from my position to complete the navy Communications and Information Systems Officer course.  It was a six weeks course down at the Communications school at HMAS CERBERUS outside of Melbourne.  It was a six-week course and whilst I was there the army Officer that took me to Brisbane for rock climbing was organising the next Interrogation course.  He had mentioned that I should consider doing the course.  I had mentioned that I had never really considered it.  At the time, it wasn’t really one of navy’s areas of interest for training and any navy personnel that completed the course were usually reservists.  I had told him I would consider it but at the moment my priority was the Communications course as it was more pertinent to my navy career. 

When I returned form the Navy communications course the Major from the careers management section started to discuss a lot with me the processes and training with regards to Australian Intelligence Corps and also other intelligence organizations.  It was interesting to listen to especially when he would also provide anecdotal examples referring to people that were known to both of us.  I would also learn of the various hardships that some of the trainees would be placed under and how everything would get turned against them to see what they would do.  They were lengthy discussions and I would always have to provide the coffee.  During the year the Captain that was filling the Officer in Charge of the Training Development Wing decided to take Long Service Leave and consider taking a different approach with his life and career.  His wife continued with her position with the army so they stayed in the local area but he gained employment working for the Beaudesert counsel doing training development.  Beaudesert was the nearest small town inland from KOKODA Barracks, Canungra.  It was also the town where my aunty that worked as the correspondence officer lived and where I also had two other aunties living.   I was then offered the position of Officer in Charge of the Training Development Wing and received higher duties allowance for taking on the position.  I had a very competent senior sailor that could continue with the development of the naval courses and I had planned for him to have a few weeks at sea to conduct analysis of the courses to assist with the design and development as a bonus for him.  Unfortunately, we were never able to gain the berths on the ships to complete the analysis and had to do it by correspondence but his efforts were of a very high standard and well received.  It was strange because, initially I had only heard bad things about him, but on his arrival he proved himself above these statements.  It was no surprise, because I never really listened to what other people would say about other people.  If they have to say something bad then obviously they were never secure in themselves. I remember that the female army Officer that was married to the army Officer that I first worked for in the Training Development Wing; was bad for saying a lot of bad stuff about other people.  Mainly towards Officers and soldiers within the Army Intelligence Corps.  My friend that was coaching my soccer team was being considered for the position of head of the Army Intelligence Wing, she blatantly talked him down when he was not around saying he would be no good.  I actually voiced that I thought he would be very good in the position and would prove himself.  He ended up receiving the position and did prove himself as an exceptional leader, trainer and mentor to his staff.  He has since been promoted and is doing extremely well within his corps and defence and has represented Defence in the United Nations.  She however was to go on to become responsible for the placement of Army Intelligence Corps Officers and soldiers which on the surface it looked like her decision making was subjective as opposed to objective, and it is doubtful that this changed below the surface.  I still liked her as a person but was not as supportive of her with regards to her comments on others.

For the remainder of the year I was having lengthy discussions with the Major responsible of Army Intelligence Officer and Soldiers career structures and also was to attend my second wedding for the year.  This time the wedding was in Perth and it was for the supply officer that I shared accommodation with in Darling Harbour, Sydney.  She was marrying the senior sailor that worked for her on the ship she posted to when she moved out of the apartment she shared with me.  It was a nice small wedding but whilst I was there I went out with one of the other girls, my friendly lion king Supply Officer from Sydney, to a nightclub in Fremantle.  Something I hadn’t done for a long time, but after a few grasshoppers this lady came straight up towards me and offered me some marijuana, in my innocence I said sure why not.  So I went with her to the bathroom, kept the door open of the cubicle and had two puffs of her badly rolled cigarette.  I told her it tasted like grass and left the room.  I went home soon after that.  It really was not in my interest to stay at the club.  On my return to the unit I told my good friend the Major who would regularly have coffee with me, he said it probably wasn’t real.  I informed him that I would have to inform DSA, the Defence Security Agency, the defence internal audit for personnel holding security clearances, the ones that monitored defence personnel with security clearances.  The Major informed me that I should tell the Commandant first, which I did. The response, the Commandant informed me that they would assist in writing my letter to DSA.  It was recorded and the incident was investigated.  I guess my response, informing straight away, being out of character I retained my position and clearances.  I never saw drugs again during my career and never saw them again until 2006 when I attended Bond University.

By 2001 I was placed again in a Lieutenant Commander position whilst wearing the rank of Lieutenant with title of Officer In Charge of the Joint Training Development Wing.  Overseeing the changing and growth of number and functionality of the courses and meeting the demands of different stakeholders.  It was moving back to long hours, a lot of responsibility and a lot of satisfaction.  I would report directly to the Commandant and also to the Single Service stakeholders that had a significant interest in the training and the development of the training for the Air Force and Navy courses that were undergoing significant change.  I was also required to take on the project for a re-evaluation of the assessment policy, which was being tested continuously by the young army Officers, and causing significant stress to the staff within the Army Intelligence Wing. At the end of the day when they realised that the policy was written to protect the trainee and the assessor, to ensure that assessments are objective and as such require substantive reporting if a soldier or Officer was to be removed but not to the point of victimisation. 

During this time as a bit of comic relief, I would still have lengthy discussions with the Major with regards to Australian Intelligence Training and Courses.  The discussions would move towards Human Intelligence training, how it was conducted, assessed, desired outcomes and plenty of examples with some of the examples being quite humorous.  He would also tell me how other organizations would conduct their training, taking everything off of the individuals to see what they would do.  His insight was based on the work that he had done with them and his previous marriage to the wife that worked for Australian Security Intelligence Service.  It all sounded very interesting, a lot more interesting than my role of just sitting at a desk which is all I did in my intelligence positions of Staff Officer Imagery and Acoustics and working my way up through the positions at the Australian Joint Intelligence Center. But for me they were to remain just interesting stories as Defence at the time was looking at making the Commandant position rotational to Air Force and Navy Unfortunately for Air Force and Navy, Army were not willing to release the position, using the excuse that it was their Head of Corps position as well.  I would listen and comment with regards to these debates and was required to provide significant input later with regards to the debate, considering that I worked directly for the position and was responsible as the Officer in Charge of Training Development for the performance of the Commandants staff in instruction and assessment.  But the stories became more in depth and the Education Officer; my support from Training Command was considering transferring to the Australian Intelligence Corps to enhance his career progression. It would certainly enhance his support to the rugby I thought considering the history of the General and the places he chose his young Officers to brief him.   The Major encouraged me to consider transferring because at the time he also was developing a new revamped Resistance to Interrogation Course for the army and wider defence community.  This course or advice was also provided later to journalists that deployed with military units to Iraq and Afghanistan.  He had offered me a position on the first course for training trainers for the new Resistance to Interrogation course.  Most of the training and techniques was similar to the Interrogation course but there were a few extra things we had to learn, even though we were trying to get the course participants to talk which is the idea of interrogation, what we were really doing was trying to pretend to get them to talk but in fact shut them up.  Stop them from talking whilst being either, yelled at, coerced, tempted with luxuries etc.  Most was outside of the Rules of Engagement and a lot of the sessions were just for conditioning in preparation for a new session.  We could not cause any injuries as they were our own people but they were informed that if captured this might not be the case for them.  Treatment after capture, could be brutal, it is something they would have to think about and it definitely would be for a longer period of time than what we could show them.  We just showed them a snippet of what could occur and it was something for them to think about.  I did obviously conduct the training, and was one of the few female trainers for Resistance to Interrogation Training.  The friend of mine that stayed with me with her broken nose whilst I was at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center and was out with me the night I was offered marijuana in Fremantle I had also talked into conducting the course.  The male naval Officer that I talked into to conduct the course was only able to do a couple of courses as he went on to join the Australian Federal Police Force. 

The first exercise I went on for Resistance to Interrogation, my role was purely administration.  I was on call twenty-four hours a day to provide what ever the trainers needed to conduct their sessions and to ensure that the shifts changed and operated smoothly.  The staffs that were the interrogators for the course were usually older interrogators that had moved into other professions, usually as Defence civilians or the Police Force intelligence sections.  Two such burly fellas had come up from the South Australian police academy at the time to assist. From watching their sessions on the close circuit televisions in the monitoring rooms and the exploitation of information in the analysis section, I was able to learn a lot from the exercise.  After being the main administrative backbone for the first exercise I was offered a chance to conduct the course to become a trainer and if I could pull a couple of navy people to assist.  They needed support from all services and younger people for the trainees to gain experience from being interrogated by all ages.  That was when I talked the lion king friend and other Naval Officer into conducting the training.

I was encouraged to transfer to Army Australian Intelligence Corps early to mid 2001 and applied. Whilst waiting for due process I discussed with staff whether I should complete the Army Staff Officer’s Course prior to my transfer so that I would have a better understanding of the army environment.   The course was conducted at KOKODA Barracks and was only a few weeks long so I would not be away for very long.  This ended up being more of a debate as to whether it was better for me to start that course or wait until I had completed the initial Army Intelligence Officers Course as both would give me knowledge that would compliment the other.  The application was highly supported by my Commandant and submitted to the Army Careers Management section in Canberra.  The process seemed to be taking a long time and whilst waiting the unit had received a request from the Deployable Joint Warfare Center based at Enoggera for an Officer to assist the army J2 (intelligence section) for the up coming Tandem Thrust (now Talisman Sabre) exercise.  My Commandant recommended that I assist for two weeks only, whilst the exercise was still in the maritime and beach assault phase.  The Army Intelligence Lieutenant Colonel never really employed me, but did place a task on me that really to be done to the level required would take some time.  I ended up feeling like a bit of a toy to confuse and drag around try and confuse.  I didn’t do the task but pointed out that there was no destruction plan in place for the classified computers and intelligence boards.  On pointing it out there were confused faces on the Army Intelligence Officers faces in the tent, as I don’t think they were expecting it.  I also allowed myself to be dragged around, but provided advice and correction when referring to ship movements and questioning what plan we had in place for destroying all this intelligence and classified stuff when we got run over.  I was a bit confused by the response that was put to me after enquiring about the destruction plan. The response to me was we are in the headquarters we don’t need it.  I was on a ship that didn’t and hadn’t for a long time been in hostile waters, and I still put together a scuttling plan just in case.  A Head Quarters on the ground not too far from a ground assault of very big American marines playing their enemy apparently did not need to have a destruction plan!  It was really interesting!  After this discussion I got to go in the higher-level intelligence tent and was provided with some intelligence from one of the Electronic Warfare soldiers.  I guess; some other areas of the intelligence community considered my question as pertinent!  I was then required to maintain the watch in the tent during the night of the Marine landing.  We had been tracking the ship movements on the white board in the tent.  Early morning before the Lieutenant Colonel came in for a brief, I wiped the white board clean before he arrived and couldn’t get on the computers, as I hadn’t been given a log on.  When he came in he had a shocked look on his face, as there was nothing on the white board. I told him they are here! After the landing and I had gone to have breakfast and a wash I went back to the tent, a yellow post-it note was placed on one of the laptops with the words destroyed.  Guess we thought the Marines could read and wouldn’t take the computer if we were overrun! Perhaps actually trying to destroy a laptop as part of the exercise and seeing if it could be interrogated would have been of more benefit but I was a Navy Lieutenant in an Army dominated environment, apparently way out of my depth.  The Lieutenant Colonel wrote at the end of the exercise that I was not recommended for Army field intelligence.  My Commandant was still very supportive of my application for the Australian Intelligence Corps irrespective of what the Lieutenant Colonel on the Talisman Sabre exercise wrote. 

Since placing my application for the Australian Intelligence Corps, and on my return from Tandem Thrust (now Talisman Sabre), an advertisement by signal came forward for the Royal Australian Navy Exchange position at the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific.  It was an exchange position for either a Lieutenant or Lieutenant Commander.  I informed my Commandant of the position and also informed him that even though I had an application in to transfer to the Australian Intelligence Corps I would also like to apply for this advertised position, as it would improve my career prospects with the Navy as well as Defence as a whole if I was not accepted for the Australian Intelligence Corps.  I informed him before applying as a courtesy considering the support he had shown for my application for transfer.  That support was as strong for my application for the Navy exchange position.  He was also the same Commandant that organised a contingent from the Defence Intelligence Training Center to conduct a tour of one of the Navy’s Collins class submarines whilst it was visiting Brisbane.  Considering my connection to the Collins class submarines during the project stage and the delivery stage, this was the first time that I actually went on board and had a complete tour of one.

I was successful for both Australian Intelligence Corps and Navy Exchange Officer Position in Hawaii.  I chose to stay with the Navy.  Which placed me in a bit of a dilemma.  At the time I was seeing a Captain Infantry Officer from the Headquarters.  We had known each other for a good year but really only started dating when I took over the position of Officer in Charge of the Joint Training Development Wing.  Prior to us actually starting to date as a couple there was a function in the Mess where I was literally dragged by two Captains to the room of their Major from Battle Wing, another unit based at the unit.  At the time I was talking to the Captain that I was to start dating. They had literally dragged me away from him. Drinking continued in the room and at the end the Captains left closing the door behind them and making sure that I stayed leaving the Major and me in the room.  The next day, as I was planning to stay in the spare room of another army female Captain’s room I had my uniform at the base and went to retrieve it from her.  I saw her the following day, collected my uniform and tried to forget the whole thing.  That day another Major just died whilst having a cigarette outside one of the buildings.  It was the weirdest day or twenty-four hours, I didn’t see the need to talk to those Captains or the Major again.  The Captain that I was to start seeing knew about the incident but that did not deter him from later proposing.

During that year, 2001, I had had two Aunties die within a six-month period.  Personally it had been a hard time, so when the relationship developed between the army Infantry Captain and me it was a nice change, causing the dilemma.  Should I make a career decision based on a fledging relationship?  Was he really serious about having a long-term relationship with me?  At the time he was going to be posted to Thursday Island.  There was a Navy Seaman Officer position available there, but where my career was at the time, it was not really suitable for me to consider.  It was either transferring to the Army Intelligence Corps or the Exchange Position in Hawaii, so it would be a long distance relationship.   I ended up choosing the exchange position to Hawaii and he ended up proposing.  But after he proposed I think I started to see the true person and it wasn’t looking good.  After he proposed, I told him about the two terminations I had had previously during my career he didn’t seem to care.  It was only after we separated that they were to become an issue for him. His posting to Thursday Island at the time was coming into question because he had used a lot of his leave and long service leave to pursue his real love, flying.  He was gaining his private and commercial pilots licence so that he could follow his father’s footsteps into become an agricultural pilot.  He informed the Army that he wanted to still be able to take leave without pay to increase his flying hours as a commercial pilot but was willing to offer his flying ability to the Army to conduct surveillance from Thursday Island.  A unique proposition that was fraught with liability.  They said no and as he would not budge from wanting to take leave without pay to pursue his alternative career changed his posting to the outskirts of Sydney.  The position at Thursday Island was a sub unit command position, a requirement I think for becoming an Infantry Major, a position he has never held.  He also informed me that he received a bad report from the Major in his chain of Command.  His apparent response was to confront the Major about the bad report and made him cry to have the report changed.  I wasn’t too sure of this story, I could believe the bad report but the Major was a highly decorated Officer that had served with the United Nations.  My fiancé as he was at the time, has never deployed anywhere for the Army. My fiancé was to post out of KOKODA Barracks prior to my departure, but was promoted to Major as he was leaving after initially being overlooked for promotion for not fulfilling the requirements.  Looking back I am not sure why he was promoted because speaking to others he had not fulfilled the requirements but I guess it looked better for me to be married to a Major than a Captain.

From what my future husband would speak, his father had had many careers.  I am not sure why he just chose this one career to follow?  His dad at one point was a New South Wales Police motorcycle officer, he was also at one point the biggest marijuana grower in Australia during the 70s to be caught and sentenced, whilst in jail his mother had my future husbands two sisters, and his dad after jail had the time and money to become an agricultural pilot establishing a flying business based out of the Darling Downs that was extremely successful and placed his family in a comfortable position.  His dad finally went bankrupt from an incident that occurred with this business, and I believe sent a farmer bankrupt and left his father and his mother separated.  Now not so comfortable!!   But his mum did quite well out of the separation and his dad well he became a drifter with nothing really to his name.  His dad’s brother in Warwick would look after the few items that his dad had left.  Both his mother and his dad remarried (different people) and his dad then considered and I believe did run for a political seat in the country area.  Not sure which party but it was all very confusing, and I am not sure of what was true and what was not.  He also would talk very badly of his mother, saying she was psychologically unstable and never spoke highly of his sisters.  Looking back I think he never wanted me to know them because on meeting his mother she told me he was a born again Christian, something he strongly denied to me.  Personally I did not see the relevance at the time of making an issue out of it.

His mother had apparently worked for the Department of Immigration and Multicultural affairs in Canberra at one stage but now lived on the Gold Coast with her new husband. He always said that she was crazy and so did his father but he was more than willing to use her when it mattered to him.  I remember him telling me once that he had kept in close contact with his aunty and uncle on his dad’s side, something his sisters never did, and as they had no children they would probably leave everything they had to him.  I guess I should have realised then what type of person I was dealing with.  But I thought they were only comments not a true indication of the caring person he had tried to present to me.  He had a good Army friend that was a Major Infantry Officer that was seeing a woman whose daughter was seeing an Air Force Intelligence Officer.  He had complained that she had given all her money to her daughter and that she didn’t consider him financially.  My fiancé and him did not really have many friends but were devoted to drinking red win and taking the money of those they dated.  My former fiancé/husband also told me that he was called into the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation whilst he was at the Royal Military College, where they asked him about his father and his relationship with his father.  I am not sure why he told me but he did say it with a smile but he also has always maintained that he could have got a Bachelor of Engineering degree and he was always ready to deploy, both of which never have occurred. 

The end of 2001 I spent a lot of time dealing with the Defence Intelligence Training Center’s assessment policy as there were quite a few issues faced by the young Officers being assessed and the challenges that they were to put forward.  I also reacquainted myself with Navy issues and more importantly the issues now of interest to the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center.  Considering that both the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center and the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific worked hand in hand for analysis and support to ships within their area of interest.  The Defence Intelligence Training Center was not moving any closer to sorting out the rotational Commandant position, which was becoming quite a contentious issue for both the Air Force and Navy.  But it was an issue, that with my new posting I was to pull away from, as I had to start to think about my new exchange posting to Hawaii and how best to prepare for it.  I was still involved in many of the stakeholder meetings where senior staff from Canberra would come up to the Defence Intelligence Training Centre to discuss the issues.  I remember at the end of one of the meetings that my Commandant told the Colonel Australian Intelligence Corps Officer that came up from Canberra that I was now going to Hawaii.  He seemed quite surprised and very quiet.  The female Squadron Leader that had come up with him and that I had worked with before put the moment at ease by congratulating me.  They both left but I was a bit surprised by his response when told.

2001 was also a year that changed a lot of things as 911 occurred. Considering the level of impact this had on the world, my representational posting to the Joint Intelligence Center was not changed; I was still considered the best person to be placed in the position even though I could have been replaced.  I was not due to take up the position until July 2012.  On the day I was home sick, something that was very rare for me as I very rarely get sick.  I had no connection to the outside world until my fiancé phoned me to inform me that the United States was under attack.  I turned on the TV and as with everyone watched the day unfold in disbelief. Perhaps that day was to shape my future career, or perhaps my interest in taking a passive learning approach shaped it, I am not sure but it was an influence as I am sure it was to many others.  I was Navy; we exercise for conflict but at the end of the day we would rather peace, go into port with those we exercise with and have a few drinks.  During wartime, we kind of get stuck at sea and that is just so anti – social as previously discussed!

At my completion of my short posting to the Defence Intelligence Training Center mid 2002, as well as having on my record as being moved into a position where I was working and being paid for working at a rank above what was on my shoulders, Lieutenant Commander Rank, I also completed the following courses and testing,

Ships Intelligence Officers Course

Advanced Naval Intelligence Officers Course

Battle Field Command Support System Course

DSD Sanitisation Course

DSD Communications Intelligence Security Officer Course

Equity Advisor Workshop

OHS Workplace Safety Management Course

Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis Course

Diploma in Training and Assessment Systems

Regimental Officers Basic Course (Australian Intelligence Corps)

Certificate IV Vocational Training

Communications and Information Systems Officer Course

Trainer for Resistance to Interrogation Training.

And assessed as suitable for all languages from Defence Language Aptitude Testing

These courses would not mean too much to anyone just looking at them and it is difficult to show the amount of work that was required on my behalf to complete them whilst maintaining my position and performing at a high level.  But without them I would never have been competitive for the exchange position to the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific or for acceptance for transfer to the Australian Intelligence Corps, So yes it was a very busy couple of years for me on the professional and personal front so continuing on the path of making the Commandant position rotational was not at the for front of my career path with my upcoming posting to the Joint Intelligence Training Center Pacific. But that was when I excelled, when I was busy.  It was the same for my return to Australia on completion of the posting.  It had been known that Australian Officers posted into the exchange position were often not given the same access that they receive in Australia and as such sometimes are not able to work to the same intensity as they did in Australia.  Some saw the posting as a chance to have a bit of time off, whilst others would look at other ways to increase their employability.  For me it was the later and I tried to see if I could become a qualified interrogator as previously recommended to me, that was not available to me as I was trained as a trainer for Resistance to Interrogation and the Army, the lead in the field, adopted the policy that no Interrogators trained for RTI would be able to be used in the capacity as an interrogator.  It seemed there was little else I could do other than look at the combined issue that affected interoperability for the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Training Center and Joint Intelligence Center Pacific. 

It wasn’t until 2002 prior to my departure that the Resistance to Interrogation Courses really started to take flight.  There was a growing demand in Defence for Defence personnel to be trained in Resistance to Interrogation with the possible on set of conflict in the Middle East.  Training was initially being provided to Army and Air Force personnel with Navy personnel to follow.   I still provided support to the courses but also had to start thinking about preparing for my own exchange posting to Hawaii.  I also had to start organising my visa and question what would happen with my changing from single to married status whilst on an overseas posting.   The conversations that I had with the staff from the American Consulate in Sydney and the Navy’s Washington staff, it would be better financially and administratively to change my status before I, we arrived in Hawaii.  That was if my future husband was going to be accompanying me.  We really hadn’t even discussed these issues.  When I broached the subject with him, I was expecting that he would still want to wait to get married.  At the time I was thinking of a year being engaged before becoming married.  He decided and agreed that it was better if we did get married earlier, before I left for Hawaii and that we should have another wedding ceremony, confirmation of the vows, in November with everyone attending in Sydney using his old Schools’, St Ignatius College chapel for a ceremony for friends and family.  After that ceremony in November he would fly back to Hawaii with me and take leave without pay accompanying me for the duration of the posting.  It was settled, basically he decided – I was a bit shocked.

I went to my friend’s office, the now new head of the Army Intelligence Wing, my old soccer coach. 

How do I get married? How do I organise a civil ceremony quickly as I have no idea?

He had never been married before in his life, so perfect person to ask!  We both had no idea.  So he looked it up on the internet for me.  We found out that you needed to provide three months notice.  Right now to see the Defence Intelligence Training Center’s Chaplain to ask if he could use the Chapel on the base to conduct a small marriage for my future husband and myself. Oh and my friendly soccer coach was going to be my Maid of Honour and yes he is Made of Honour.  The chaplain wavered the time so that it would coincide with when my future husband could make it back to Queensland from Sydney.  It was only about a week short of the three-month requirement.  He also wavered the training required before marriage.  A date was set and once we had the certificate then I could start the administration for my future husbands visa, meaning he could stay in the United States with me and would also be able to work there if he chose to.  He never chose to work – I was not surprised.  I also informed the Defence Security Agency; well I actually informed them when he proposed, in case there were any issues with me marrying him and holding my security clearances, considering what he told me about his family. He had quite lower security clearances so they had his details on record. No issues were notified to me.   I was now his wife; I supported him for those first two years financially and emotionally.  We had been in the Defence Forces for the same number of years.  Apparently he had $20000 worth of gold buried with gold and guns that his father had buried at his uncles’ place in Warwick but this could just be a story as I think I was told quite a few but I had actually invested in property at Noosaville which put us in good stead for the start of our marriage. The support provided by me continued with little in return for the following couple of years that we remained together.  He did take the leave without pay living off the main provider me whilst he pursued his flying experience. I say experience as I never saw any financial benefit of it whilst I was married to him.  I supported him gaining an American and Canadian licence during our stay in Hawaii, but on return to Australia, and after financing the purchase of his business I was expecting a bit more support financially in meeting our commitments.  But I guess the money he hid and saved and the money he was able to take from me hopefully made my daughter’s life more comfortable.  But the break up was complicated, and I don’t blame him totally, I just never wanted my daughter to suffer.  But there are some things that cannot be stopped there are always degrees of suffering as there are always degrees of happiness.  I just hope that one day I am able to share her happiness.  But I will discuss the intricacies of this break-up and my change in career direction later.

After the small wedding ceremony in March 2002 at the base in the Chapel, with my good soccer coach as my manly Maid of Honour and Witness, my future husband had brought along a couple that were friends of his fathers.  They were not married but were definitely a couple.  The lady referred to herself as my husband’s mother, as she said that she was more of mother to him than what his actual mother was whilst he was growing up.  Both were very fond of my humorous Maid of Honour who during the ceremony had a quirky sense of humour.  After the quick ceremony we spent the Weekend staying down in a hotel on the Gold Coast, after all we were officially now married even though in our hearts the real ceremony was not until later that year, with a wedding date November 2002.  We went to Riplies Belive it or Not for the weekend, never been there before but subconsciously wanted to go there with him – perhaps it was an omen to what he would become to me. The real wedding as far as we were concerned was to be held at the St Ignatius Chapel in November, with the reception held on the Pontoon, a boat that would take us around Sydney harbour for the evening, the finally being under the bridge at midnight when fireworks were to go off of the bridge.   We didn’t pay for the fireworks, they just happened. 

The real wedding in November I was paying for, I couldn’t really have my parents pay for it considering I had worked since the age of seventeen and now was in a better financial position than my sister was when they paid for hers.  I did not want any presents from anyone, as I had a full house of items, I only wanted people to attend.  If they wanted to give, then money would be appreciated to help pay for the reception.  My husband was going to pay for the alcohol, and that took some negotiation with him and that was all I could get him to pay for and he was pushing with his friends to give money.  The engagement ring was his Grandmothers it was small but very beautiful.  He wanted to pull it apart and make a new ring, I said I would accept it as is as it was a family heirloom.  However I had to pay for both wedding bands, as he was away and too busy.  I was able to find a quaint bed and breakfast in North Sydney, which my family and whole extended family would stay at for the November wedding, along with some of Frank’s family.   For the ceremony though I would have to fly back from Hawaii. 

I posted into the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific, Hawaii on the 3 July 2002.  I basically finished up at the Defence Intelligence Training Center on the Friday and posted into Hawaii to take up my new position the following Tuesday.  Allowing a couple of days to get over the time difference.  I had already informed them that I would need to take a week off in November to fly back to Australia for my up coming wedding.  The hand over I was to receive from the incumbent Australian in the position was to take approximately a week.  The handover was to include work issues as well as just general living issues for Australians living in Hawaii.  When he first took me to my new office, it reminded me of a box cupboard, because that is basically what it was.  There was a lot of equipment, storage cases, protective cases for carrying sensitive and fragile equipment and a desk with two computers on it.  The desk was to be mine and I had the annex to the section that I was to be affiliated with at the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific.  The section dealt with exercises and scenario generation for exercises.  Basically, the Tandem Thrust (now Talisman Saber) exercise I had attended in 2001 for two weeks, it is this section that developed a lot of the scenario, information feeds to have a robust story, development to war to accommodate the various testings and outcomes that the Admirals and Generals wanted to achieve for the exercises. There were a lot of other exercises that they were to provide the development and delivery staffing to as well but I was not necessarily involved in those.  It was an interesting area as I was required to attend quite a few meetings around the various military establishments of Hawaii and also some of the military establishments on mainland United States of America.  On my meeting the staff in the section one of the older civilians commented

“What is she doing here?”

I am not sure what he meant but he moved within a couple of my weeks of arrival to the Counter Terrorism analyst section. He was involved in the United States team that supported the Talisman Sabre exercise in 2001.  I also remember on the last day of my handover. I informed the Australian that I was relieving that I was just going back to the box cupboard to change into civilian clothes.  His comment was that, you don’t want to do that.  I did anyway, I was the only one working in that office, so why couldn’t I change into my civilian clothes there.  I just assumed that the Officers that would be attending would have changed to civilian attire and taken the rest of the day off, after all it was a Friday.  I was wrong.  Learnt that lesson very quickly for differences between United States Navy and Royal Australian Navy.  I also bumped into a fellow Australian Army Officer that was in my class at the Australian Defence Force Academy, definitely one of the nice guys.  He was working on exchange also with the United States Army in their Counter Terrorism Section.  Guess he was to work along side my old American friend that questioned my placement.  On discussion with him he had informed me “Don’t worry, you can do anything here they are not going to worry about it”. Not sure what he knew of my past but it was nice to hear that I wasn’t a threat.  I had just been employed in two highly visible Commands, the Australian Joint Intelligence Centre and the Defence Intelligence Training Centre, both of which were undergoing creation and/or significant changes to Command structure and focus.  My posting to the Joint Intelligence Centre Pacific also coincided with structural changes that saw them post in an Admiral from another area of the United States Command structure to take control of the structural changes.  Usually an Admiral was grown within that Command.  As I was not really gainfully employed within the Center I would walk around the building talking to different people from different sections and regularly step outside to grab a coffee at appropriate times to talk to fellow United States commissioned and non-commissioned staff along with the various civilians.  Once we broke through the language barrier of Australian English to American English I think we all learnt a lot.  There was one area, that even though I was invited into by the staff working behind their secure door (I had met them in Australia whilst working at the Australian Joint Intelligence Center when they came out to sort out a few problems), I graciously declined. It was the higher area that Edward Snowden worked in and the same area that the higher level Intelligence Tent was on the Talisban Sabre exercise that I was invited into after enquiring about a destruction plan for the Intelligence Tent that I was placed in.  I declined as I really did not need to see what they at the Joint Intelligence Centre Pacific were looking at, at that time.

The first couple of weeks whilst working were spent trying to find a suitable apartment that would be suitable for my husband and myself but would allow us to entertain in our representative role.  I had been placed in temporary accommodation but could only stay there for four weeks.  Hawaii was an amazing place with many furnished apartments available if you were looking for short term, three or six month leases. Unfortunately that was unacceptable for my situation and required a bit more tact with negotiation.  Longer term, does not necessarily lower the price as they are usually booked out in their peak season and could pretty much call their prices.  The first apartment I was shown was a penthouse in the building where my temporary apartment was located.  It was quite old in the décor, very seventies, with a very big shag pile carpet, louvered kitchen cupboards, orange and brown paint scheme throughout and green furnishings.  I did not take anything with me so was looking for a fully furnished place.   I was almost considering the place when the guy mentioned that if I told him my ceiling he could put the rent up to that and include a cleaner in the price of the rent.  I was going to receive an allowance, for a cleaner anyway (something I never really used) but was not going to tell him about it.  I thought it best I look for another real estate agent. 

I ended up finding another penthouse that looked directly down onto Waikiki Beach.  It was across the road from the beach but directly above the main shopping area.  It felt like a beach house in the sky.  I fell in love with it when I walked into the place.  I decided to apply to rent the place it was approved, within my ceiling and I started to rent it from the following week.  First day at the place, as would be the responsibility of any new tenant, I wrote up a condition report.  It was not good as the backs of the curtains were ripped; there were marks on the carpets and walls, general wear and tear and the fridge looked like it was on its last leg.  I received a shocked phone call back from the real estate agent, questioning why I would write it, I offered for her to come over for me to show her and she accepted. Apparently there was never really a condition report written on the apartment, mine was the first and the owners were quite surprised with the amount of wear and tear.  The following day I found a film case on the table and asked the rental agent if anyone had been in the apartment as I was not informed of any entries for the day, either was she.  Later I started to question whether the paint had lead in it and if there was asbestos in the roof.  I requested from the Australian Embassy if I could have it tested at Government expense to which they agreed.  Even though, I had picked up enough prescriptions of the pill to last my two year posting, I was going to be here with my husband and if access or work was limited due to the releasability of intelligence to Australia because of the United States of America’s bi lateral arrangements then perhaps it would be a good time for us to start a family.  The tests came back positive for asbestos.  It was a local Environmental and Industrial Health and Safety company but they were unable to find any lead based paint.  For the asbestos, there were a couple of areas of the ceiling that were damaged and needed repair.  The owners were in no rush to repair it and I was in no interest to stay in the apartment.  I remember being told at work that the ships, the United States Navy were full of asbestos, well so were ours once, but it had been removed and as the apartment was not a work environment I did not need to stay there.  The Embassy let me move out of the apartment and placed me in temporary accommodation again.  I now had a couple of months to find a new place for my husband and myself in Hawaii before I flew back for our wedding to share with family and friends.  I ended up finding a place back from the main beach area of Waikiki but still in walking distance.  The place had a great view of the mountains this time instead of the ocean.  It was not the penthouse, but it was a brand new two-bedroom apartment on the pool and entertainment deck.  Very well located I decided to take the apartment and the Embassy approved it as it was well below my ceiling.  I moved in.  I spoke to another Australian exchange officer, an Air Force Officer that was working in the same building as me to tell him where I was moving to, he told me that he lived inthat building for a short time and that when he was there that there were no apartments on the floor of the apartment that I was to move into.  I was a bit surprised but moved into the apartment anyway.

The following couple of weeks just flew by.  I was meeting new people at work and trying to translate what they would say to me into something comprehendible for me and to ensure that I understood what they were actually saying.   We both spoke English but terminology and acronyms were different.  I had one trip to San Diego, where I was to participate in the planning phase of an up coming exercise that was being run for the units from Hawaii, Seattle and Alaska.  I started to speak to some of the Officers from Alaska and tried to organise a trip to Alaska so that I could see the bears.  Unfortunately during my time posted to the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific, we could not organise it.  Maybe it was because of the differences in our language.  It is strange, Australians and Americans both speak English but at times it feels like a completely different language, especially when you start adding Defence and country specific words, the terminology and the acronyms.  It was bad enough trying to talk to my friends in Australia that did not have a Defence background and to try and translate into civilian speak.

A month out from my planned flight back to Australia I had had a couple of beers in the apartment, alone and had called my husband to let him know I was trying the different beers, later that night I hit my head and I think knocked myself unconscious.  Fortunately for me it was a Friday night, so leading into the weekend.  I somehow over night managed to drag myself back into bed where I tried to sleep. I could not lift my head off the floor as I dragged myself back to the bed and really struggled with pulling myself up into the bed. The pain was pretty extreme.  I decided to roll out of bed and grab a towel.  I could not stand up at the time and was basically crawling along the floor with my head dragging on the floor. I then crawled back to the bed and pulled myself back up into the bed.  At the time I really did not know what I was doing but I was feeling pressure build up in my ears, which felt like it was causing the severe pain in my head.  I decided to place the towel under my head and blow my nose with considerable pressure.  I ended up having blood drain from one of my ears.  Quite a considerable amount of coagulated blood!!  After that I could fall to sleep but the next morning, or should I say afternoon I woke up with an extremely painful headache.  After a couple of hours mopping around the apartment I though I should probably take myself to a medical center as the headache was not leaving me.  From there I was taken to the hospital by ambulance for a cat scan considering it was a head injury that involved drainage of coagulated blood from the ear.  The cat scan I never saw or had discussed with me and I was back at work on the Monday, but taking things very slowly.  I mentioned to the doctor that I would need to fly to Australia at the end of the month for my wedding.  He mentioned that it would depend on how my head and ear is feeling then.  Telling my husband was difficult. I thought about it, it wasn’t too late to cancel the wedding, no one would have paid for his or her accommodation yet and we would still get most of the money back from the booking.  But he wanted the wedding to go ahead. Oh he was really concerned for my health!  So I had to be better in a couple of weeks, I was nervous.  What if the bride could not attend her own wedding because a couple of weeks before she tried a few of the local beers fell over and hit her head whilst alone in her apartment?  I had to attend and I did!!! The wedding went well; only glitch was the Army Chaplain was about half an hour late, leaving me standing around the garden outside the Chapel cooking my makeup whilst I waited for him.  The wedding went very quick and I really did not enjoy it. After the ceremony we had to jump over a boat and in a wedding dress and heels to reach the taxi to take us to the reception was a bit of an ordeal.  Oh and the photographer was very interesting as well.  I had paid for one to come down from Brisbane, he managed to get drunk with my friends causing me to question whether I was going to get any good photos from it!!  Finally my husband joined me in Hawaii, after we both took a business class flight there after the wedding.  By the time he arrived and in the few months I was there I had lived in four apartments, hit my head causing the need for a cat scan and was working out of a box cupboard.  Oh and I had also enrolled in my first Masters Degree, Master of Arts (Islamic Studies) to commence beginning of 2003.  It was my response to the 911 attacks, to learn more about Islam as it was Islam that was being blamed.  Was the religion hijacked by a few for alternative motives? There were no crusades, just responses, and mine was to learn more because I admitted to knowing nothing about it.  It was going to be a great couple of years.  The only people I informed about the head were the Major that I used to have coffee with, my husband and my supervisor from the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific.  She wanted to look in my ear, so I let her but at the time thought it a bit strange. I knew the Embassy knew as they received the invoices form the medical insurers.

The remainder of the year remained uneventful, I had to get used to my pay having to pay for two people instead of one.  It was a strange feeling; I guess what most males go through when they first get married.  I had returned to work within a couple of days of the Wedding in Australia, but not before taking my new husband to a Luau to absorb the Hawaiian culture.  I was programmed to complete the course, Joint Task Force Intelligence Course that was given by the Joint Intelligence Training Activity Pacific, San Diego and attend a conference a the United States Navy base located off of Chesapeake bay. As it was too soon after our return to Hawaii and too close to our planned honeymoon I could not really organise for my husband to come across to the East Coast of the United States of America with me as I could not really take any more time off.  I did however get to see a bit of American culture the American Air Force Officer that accompanied me took me to Williamsburg, which was a historical town just south of Chesapeake Bay and to a fort in Chesapeake bay.  Both were interesting sights to see and well worth recommending to anyone wishing to travel to the East Coast of the United States of America.  The course, the Joint Task Force Intelligence Course that I completed was the first of two courses I was to complete with the United States Navy.  The second course I was able to deploy to San Diego in Jun 2003 and it was the Expeditionary Warfare Intelligence Course that was given at the Fleet Intelligence Training Center, Pacific. 

The end of 2002 was when we planned to take a honeymoon to the mainland United States of America.  It was also when I found out that the Australian Intelligence Corps Lieutenant Colonel that I worked for on the first Tandem Thrust (Talisman Sabre), the one that assessed me as not suitable for Army Field Intelligence was to post into the Defence position at the Consulate, replacing the current Navy Commander.  I tried to put it out of my mind, but it did actually upset me as that was a period of time I wanted to forget the running around and in some respects being treated like an outsider.  I had a honeymoon to look forward to and his report indicated that he was not appreciative of my efforts.  On my return to Hawaii after the American mainland honeymoon I was being promoted to Lieutenant Commander.  I had two things to look forward to so at the time it was easy to put out of my mind. It was strange, most people head to Hawaii for a honeymoon; we were leaving Hawaii for a honeymoon.  We had kind of figured that the two years were going to be a honeymoon.  We had planned a honeymoon in California, going around all the popular tourist spots.  Rodeo Drive, Beverley Hills, Universal Studios, Disneyland on Christmas Day, Las Vegas for New Years Eve, the Grand Canyon to see it covered in snow and back to Los Angeles to fly back to Oahu Hawaii.  It was to be my third trip to the mainland since my arrival in Hawaii but this was to be the more enjoyable as I was able to absorb the local culture.  It was the most amazing trip with many photos taken and many great memories made.  It was a chance to escape to our childhoods.  It was on a budget, shows in Las Vegas were only those that were free and any gambling was on the one-cent machines to enable a free drink.  We only had one downfall with the whole trip, the room we were placed in at the Oriental Casino.  It was a smokers’ room, and smelt like the smoker was still in the room.  Fortunately for us, even though they were booked out we were able to change to a non-smokers’ room. We also met some interesting people along the way.  One lady at Disneyland that lived in Los Angeles after she found out where we were from said she would hate to go to Australia as there were too many killer snakes.  We were surprised considering the number of deaths that are published for Los Angeles, either from shootings or drug over doses.  In comparison, I am not sure how the snakes could be considered dangerous or a threat to tourism.

On our return and early 2003, my husband had organised to go to Canada to gain his Canadian pilots licence.  Joining me in Hawaii, was the first time he had travelled over seas, travelling to Canada was going to be the first time he had travelled overseas alone.  It was going to be interesting.  The prerequisite training and assessment was going to take two weeks which he spent alone in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, I was to take leave from the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific on completion of his training and assessment to join him there for a couple of weeks whilst we do the tourist thing and see the Western part of Canada and Seattle, Washington State.  We spent time looking around Victoria, it was a quaint village and took a day trip out on the water to see the Orcas at play.  During the day trip we were to see a Royal Canadian Navy helicopter fly past our vessel.  I guess they were into looking at the Orcas at play, and what better way than from the air.  After spending a couple of days in Victoria Canada we took the day ferry down to Seattle, Washington State.  It was a nice day trip seeing the Puget Sound and taking a few sights of Seattle before flying back to Hawaii.  It ended up being an amazing trip, with him gaining his Canadian pilots licence, so a successful venture and another chance to take a couple of days to see another part of the North American continent.  Unfortunately or fortunately, we did not get to see any bears in either Canada or Seattle but the trip did allow us to experience another part of the American culture.  We did however have a bit of a fight in Canada, which saw me take a walk late one evening to clear my head.  He had then proceeded to inform the hotel staff that I was not well and that we had had a fight.  On my return to the hotel I was asked if I wanted to pay for another room as they were informed of the issue between my husband and me.  I always thought it was strange that he felt he had to share everything personal between us with everyone else and was confused with what they had been told. I said no.  There was no room and at that point it was decided that perhaps we should start thinking about a family. 

I had my sister, her husband and two sons come and stay for a holiday with us in Hawaii for a couple of weeks. Fortunately or unfortunately it was while my husband was still in Hawaii.  I continued working but leant them my car to look at the sights whilst I was at work.  I know my sister was a bit annoyed with my husband because in her words he wouldn’t do a thing.  She had to push him one evening to cook dinner.  I was kind of the person on the representational posting like my male counterparts and also the accompanying spouse fulfilling both duties, he was just on a holiday.  After their visit my husband told me that I had to ask the Defence representative in the Consulate, the Lieutenant Colonel that I was not too fond of whether his father could come over to Hawaii considering his fathers past conviction.  As I was working and he had free days and well he was an Army Major so surely had some internal fortitude for gaining that rank, perhaps he should go in and ask.  He never asked and never mentioned it again.  Needless to say his dad never came to visit.

From that point on it was decided that I would go off the pill after my deployment for Talisman Sabre.  I did however have one deployment still to attend, sea phase for two weeks on a United States Navy ship off of the Mariana’s Islands for Talisman Sabre and could not be pregnant for such a trip.  The trip was to observe that the scenario generation work that we had worked on was implemented without any glitches.  During the planning phase in 2002 I was to bump into the abuser again.  He was also on an exchange posting with the United States Navy, being posted to one of the ships based out of Japan that was to participate in the Talsiman Sabre exercise.  During the sea phase, I was to find out that he was posted to the same ship that I was to spend two weeks posted to.  I had a bit of a breakdown seeing him again in that environment and was taken to the medical center for the last couple of days then taken to see a Psychiatrist at the United States Navy base Guam on completion.  It was only a one-hour appointment where he made note that he had spoken to my husband and he had a smile on his face.  That was it with the United States Navy and Civilian psychiatrists for me.  For the next few days of the exercise, the group I was posted with was to be accommodated in the Hyatt, Guam.   It was a great time and the United States Navy, Royal Australian Navy or my husband who was informed by the United States Navy never mentioned the incident again.  It never stopped my husband from continuing to return to Australia to continue with his agricultural flying. Again showing how much he cared for my health.  For some reason he never went on any movements outside of Hawaii again without me inclusive of Canada and the United States, he could only go back to Australia.  I am not sure why that is but he was so keen to get work in either Canada or mainland USA but never ventured there again. I guess working in Hawaii as either a civilian or in uniform was not in his interest.  Oh and I never saw the abuser again.  After my deployment and the incident my husband and I started to look for another place.  We also attended a function at the Australian Consulates house where I met a Royal Australian Air Force Officer that was not introduced to me as a psychologist but later was to become my psychologist.  It was only after I left my husband in the cinema to think about our relationship, he seemed disappointed in me, that I was picked up by the local police and taken to the hospital by ambulance.  I was not checked in over night and as no one was seeing me decided to walk out and walk home.  My husband ended up picking me up and taking me back to the hospital where they proceeded to check me out on his insistence.  There were no issues but I was referred to a psychologist, and the person I ended up seeing was the very same person that I met at the Consulates office as an Australian Airforce Officer. He was out of uniform and introduced himself as an Australian psychologist. I ended up seeing him for a couple of weeks but were not required to take time off from work, return to Australia or go on any medication.  The relationship on the surface between my husband and myself did however grow stronger, he seemed happy for me to be in therapy, and to my face although he had stated earlier that we should wait a few years to have a child accepted my reasoning for having a child now.  Considering the limited accessibility at work, the extra allowances I was receiving for being on a representational posting and the fact every other female (although they were the spouse) seemed to be having children there.  I also had had Australian Navy friends say to me before I left that I should have a child whilst on posting.  They themselves had just had babies, were on maternity leave and enjoying the moment. Instead of staying in Hawaii with me and gaining employment, a couple of the United States Army guys had mentioned to me that they could place him if I liked.  He was not interested; I think he saw our marriage as his ticket away from the Army even though such placement could have advanced his career.  Considering he was unable to find anyone to employ him in a flying position in Canada or the United States, he still wanted to continually return to Australia and leave me there alone instead of gaining work in Hawaii either in Uniform or out of Uniform even though I had to undergo visits with a psychologist.  It wasn’t until 2006 after we separated that I found out by my friends that at the time of me seeing the psychologist he was calling them and telling them that I was unstable and very sick yet he never told me what he was doing and seemed more determined to show affection towards me.  I guess I was being played, apparently by one of our best.  He had told me that we, Australia don’t send our best overseas and this was told to me with a big smile on his face.  I never really understood what he meant but I think he is referring to the Army and sending the best into conflict zones as he did come overseas with me when the ticket was free and well there was no conflict in Hawaii.  One of those friends being the Supply Officer lion king friend of mine.  She became someone I could confide in 2006 when I was going through hell but that friendship we grew apart in 2008.  So I guess through attrition my relationship breakdowns with my friends cannot be attributed to my former husbands sole actions but to the situation surrounding the separation of myself from my daughter that I will discuss later.  The shock that I was suffering that my own would do such a thing to me – something I have never been able to get over.  Not Bipolar which was to become a created story  (which I will discuss) but shock that my life and my daughter’s life and the pain that I felt for the loss of contact with my daughter could become a tool of manipulation.  But I will provide facts later for your own consideration. During this time in Hawaii we also had moved into a new apartment, a penthouse that overlooked the Waikiki Marina.  My fifth apartment for my two year posting to Hawaii.  I am sure the Embassy was getting impressed with my efforts by this time as I doubt they have ever had anyone move as much as I did prior or later.  But then I was the only person in Hawaii that had a Return of service obligation placed on them so I guess I was a little bit different!  It was only a two bedroom apartment but very spacious and an entertainers delight.  Every Friday night we had a beautiful view of the fireworks that went off over Waikiki beach.  It was a tourist destination and every weekend in Hawaii felt like a holiday.  Furnishings were beautiful and the apartment was still within my ceiling.  We had a great place to enjoy our two-year, well now year and a half honeymoon.

I also applied for and received my Military Super Benefits Scheme retention bonus. It was one years pay, taxed to say that you would serve another five years.  We took the benefit so that we could purchase a heritage-listed house in Brisbane, the one on Torrens Street, the street with the name of the first ship I served on.  I already had a two-year return of service obligation to serve two years or the length of my exchange posting to Hawaii.  As previously stated I was the only Australian officer in Hawaii with the Return of Service Obligation, but at the time was told that both could be served concurrently.  When I later returned to Australia I was informed that that was incorrect.  It meant I had secured employment for the next seven years as I now had a seven year return of service obligation.  Well that was what I thought.  It was to cause me to carry a debt and a story to the Middle East in 2007 as a divorcee that was suddenly accused of having psychological issues.  The happy family (I was happy because I had my daughter in a marriage and her father who did not care for me or my daughter was always going to be away working) with the house in Brisbane and holiday unit at Noosaville was gone by 2007 but my former husband did very well financially out of it.  I had only agreed to the financial settlement for my daughter’s sake, as I was not given a choice by the Defence Intelligence Training Centre of what was going to happen to me in 2006 and the following years that will be discussed later.  And in 2011 I found out that my daughter had lost what I had forfeited for her. Basically I have lived since 2006 in excruciating pain as my daughter has always been used as a tool of manipulation for me.  I learnt to deflect the pain quickly but it has always been there.  I will be able to discuss this further later.

Within the next couple of months (2003) the section I was working for at the Joint Intelligence Pacific offered for me to attend the Expeditionary Warfare Intelligence Course run by the Fleet Intelligence Training Center, San Diego.  The course was for intelligence support of the Marines that came under the Command of the United States Navy. It seemed like a great opportunity to see more of the west coast of the United States of America.  My husband and I decided that we could probably take a week after the course to travel down to Mexico.  My section was happy with the idea, and it was set, I was on the course and we were going to have another chance to see another part of the United States of America and Mexico. But before I could go I had to submit my first two papers for my first Masters degree.  I think that seeing the abuser, a new marriage, a new country and studying, I really did place myself under a lot of pressure but we were both coping.  I was no longer seeing the Psychologist.  I would see him in different locations for the short couple of months that I did see him. At the end he handed me all the documentation he had with a smile on his face.  I am not sure what I was suppose to do with it as I never asked for it and proceeded to throw it down the garbage chute.  My husband was very disappointed, apparently he wanted the documentation but never told me why.  It wasn’t until we started to separate in 2006 that I became aware of his reasoning for keeping it.  Apparently if you make someone else look bad you can look good!

It was an interesting time when my husband arrived in San Diego and with our trip south to Mexico. It was in San Diego that I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.  Whilst attending the course I was starting to wake up of a morning feeling sick, and I was late with my period.  It was the most amazing feeling.  I informed my husband over the phone so that was his surprise; he was about to join his pregnant wife in San Diego for a week holiday spent in San Diego and Mexico.  For his arrival, I had brought a second pregnancy test so that I could show him.  It was still to be confirmed by a Doctor, but that could wait until we returned to Hawaii.  For me, however, it was going to be an interesting trip, one that my daughter would never let me forget or never let me thoroughly enjoy but I did not mind because she brought me a lot of joy when she was born.  The result, we were in Mexico, the home of the fish taco and spicy food and I could not eat any of it.  My daughter would not even let me have a coffee without being sick.  I was living on cold salt potato chips and that was it.   My husband was a little annoyed as I really slowed the trip down, I am not sure what he was intending for the trip but travelling with a pregnant wife did not seem like one of the options he had considered.  But then I was paying for the trip and his time in Hawaii so he could not really complain just stayed disgruntled. We did get to see some amazing places in Mexico.  We stuck to the coast and only ventured a couple of villages south of Tijuana.  One of the villages had an old Monastery that had been converted into a tourist motel that we chose to stay at.  The rooms were very basic but the dining and function areas were set above a cliff looking over the Pacific Ocean.  One of the function rooms had been completely furnished with the dining furnishings from the movie set of the Titanic.  Elaborate silverware and china was placed on every hand carved (well moulded) tables and there were gold embroidered chairs.  Fine linen cloth finishing and the finest fake silverware serving trays.  Looking over the Pacific Ocean it actually felt as thou you were on the Titanic.  I thoroughly enjoyed the trip, exclusive of my restricted diet but I am unsure of how well my husband enjoyed the trip.

On our return to Hawaii after the Mexican trip, we stepped up our plan for how to make our two-bedroom apartment, our penthouse that over looked the Marina at Waikiki suitable for our new addition. We had found a beautiful secure place to introduce our baby to the world we just had to make it that little bit more special.  I was not required to deploy on a ship again so there was no issue with regards to me having a baby whilst posted to my exchange position.  The only issue was ordering my maternity uniforms and hoping that I ordered the right size as I was unable to go into a Royal Australian Navy clothing store to try them on.  Fortunately I guessed right.  I had lost weight before falling pregnant, so the weight increase with the pregnancy really put me back over my normal weight for the time.

Within the Joint Intelligence Training Center Pacific, my section was to move into a new office space, which was bigger, and this time I would be in the same office as everyone else. Perhaps it was my pregnancy, the fact I was to have a little an American, which I suddenly was to be included within the section.  I was looking forward to the inclusion, as it would make it easier to coordinate the work and be a more inclusive environment for myself and for eventually my future relief.   Work wise the remainder of the year was quiet, and as my husband was still travelling back and forth from Australia and was most likely to be in Australia for the Christmas break, I decided that I should travel to Australia to have Christmas with family, an early introduction for my daughter to her new extended family.  It was only going to be for a week and two weekends long enough to catch up with my husband and extended family.  I did however have to clear it with the airlines first as anyone that is over seven months pregnant required a letter from their doctor.  IT was easy enough to obtain as I had a healthy pregnancy.  Even though the start of the pregnancy was interesting, first I had to find a doctor for me and near the six-month mark, a doctor for my baby.  It was interesting that I could not have the one doctor through out the pregnancy, but this was the System in the United States of America.  So the letter was for my baby, but I was happy because at that point she was my priority.   Before I took the week I had also planned to take four months maternity leave.  I was entitled to take twelve months if necessary and initially was going to only take three months but my husband wanted to travel to the United Kingdom, Ireland and France after she was born.  That was to be our trip in the fourth month of our daughter’s life.  He never wanted to travel to Asia, which was a lot closer and a lot cheaper he was determined to go to Europe so I said ok and told him that he would have to pay for that trip.  He was a bit disgruntled but it did not really worry me as I could go back to work a month earlier, I did not have a need to go to Europe. 

On my return after Christmas to Hawaii, work was mundane.  I had not yet set into concrete my maternity leave date but after seeing the results of the ultra sound it became quite clear that there was no way my daughter was going to turn up side down and a caesarean section was booked for the 6 February.  I was to be scheduled for an ultrasound on the Wednesday 4 February 2004 to see if my daughter could be turned and delivered naturally on the 6 February. If not, she would have to be delivered by caesarean section.  My daughter had a birth date established early due to her stubbornness, I was so proud of her; she knew it was a silly thing to go walking around on your head.  Based on this information, and no complications I organised to commence my maternity leave with Tuesday 3 February 2004 being my last day and Thursday 5 February being a small pampering day of hair and face before I began my fulltime role of motherhood.  My daughter was to have a surprise for me that Wednesday that stopped my day of pampering but brought great joy.  My husband was at the earlier ultrasound and as there were no complications and a solid date of 6 February had been established for the arrival of our daughter, he decided to return to Australia to complete three weeks of flying, returning on that Thursday the day before her arrival showing again his great concern for me and our future daughter.  I had also organised for my mother to fly over to Hawaii to spend three weeks with her new and first grand daughter.  She was to arrive on the Thursday 9 February 2004.   With her travelled one of my cousins that had never travelled overseas before and this trip was a chance to spread her wings, in a secured environment.  Also our European holiday could finally be booked, now that we had an arrival date, the last three weeks of my four months leave.  I know it might seem that I took a lot of time off during the two years, but I actually took the same amount of time if not less then the other Australian Officers posted to Hawaii.  My trips were usually a week here or a week there, with the exception of the four months for my daughter’s birth, others because they had family would spend more time on holidays so their families could see more.

During our time in Hawaii, my husband and I became novice golfers.  We first bought a very cheap set of clubs to see if we liked the game.  We did and one set of ping ladies golf clubs and one set of Callaway male golf clubs, two pairs of golf shoes, two gloves, two golfing caps and a lot of balls later we were starting to look like good novices.  And guess who paid for it all! We were never to reach par on any of the multitude of golf courses located in Hawaii, but started to look the part!  Up until I was seven months pregnant, that was when I had to give up Golf for a while.  With a stomach out the front, I just couldn’t balance to tee off.  I am not sure how those with the middle age spread still manage to play!

 My daughter was born on the Wednesday 4 February 2004 by caesarean and I was at work up to the day before she was born took only 4 months holidays instead of the 12 available to me and never managed to have my one day of pampering before assuming my role as a fulltime mother.  There was no post-natal depression so no need to see the Psychologist or Royal Australian Air Force Officer (not sure really what he was) I saw before my daughter came into question. The birth of my daughter was the first time I took leave from work for medical reasons and as I was only taking four months my posting to Hawaii was not reduced in time.  It actually ended up being extended by a couple of months.  Professionally, if anything I gained greater access at work as it was during my pregnancy and after that I was actually collocated with my section, instead of working out of the box cupboard.

As with any mother, I remember the birth like yesterday.  I finished up at work on the Tuesday; it was a short work-day but a long luncheon with my section.  I received some of the most amazing presents from them.  That night I went back to the penthouse, and didn’t really feel like having the tomato, cheese and turkey sandwiches I had been living on for the most of my tri semester.  I had completed both papers for the semester in my Masters in Arts (Islamic Studies) and just thought it would be good to just relax.  My weight for the pregnancy was actually good.  Prior to the pregnancy I had lost eight Kilograms so that when I put on ten kilograms from the pregnancy, it really was not a lot of weight.  The following day I went to the medical center for my ultrasound to see if my daughter could be turned on the Friday for a natural birth.  No!!!!!  And no it was not going to be a caesarean on the Friday.  I was told that there was not enough water in the womb and that I would need to go straight to the hospital, as the baby would have to be delivered today.  The doctor would be informed.  I asked if it was ok if I went via my apartment so that I could pick up my bag.   Again I was informed no, that they would have a robe for me at the hospital.  So I drove my car across the road into the hospital car park and walked myself up to the maternity ward for admission.  It was a very nice private hospital in Hawaii that most Australian Exchange Officer’s wives had delivered their children in.  It was quite common for Officers posted on exchange overseas would start or continue with their growing families.  For Hawaii, with our health insurer, the one private hospital was used.  After admittance, I had an ECG placed around my stomach to monitor the baby and a pulse detector on my finger for my monitoring.  I was also given the opportunity to phone my husband in Australia to see if he could change his flight to get here earlier.  He couldn’t.

It was funny, I could actually give him a time for the delivery to let him know when he would be a dad, “Oh that was in three hours from the phone call”.  He had the opportunity to inform all our friends and family.  I received the Epidural, the most painful injection I have ever received and had to wait for it to take effect before going into the surgery where my daughter was to be delivered.  You know you can read as much information and watch deliveries every day on television but nothing ever actually prepares you for the actual birth.  I had bought the book ‘What to expect when you are expecting’.  The book was informative but it was also a horror story as every month it had a list of at least ten side effects that could be experienced by any expecting mum.  There was never anything to look forward to.  For me, I never had any of the main symptoms. My pregnancy was very smooth, and now that I was checked into the hospital the delivery was going to be smooth but something I was not prepared for.  Once in the Surgery, and with a sheet up between my head and my stomach so that I could not see what they were doing, I was asked,

Can you feel anything?

Yes!

What can you feel?

You touching my stomach!

That is OK!

Apparently they were pushing down on my stomach with the scalpel.  I should have been feeling pain if I hadn’t had the epidural. 

We can start!

For the remainder of the operation I could feel my stomach being pulled and pushed but did not actually feel the pain considering that they were basically pulling a baby from my stomach.  Finally after a period of time they did pull my little girl from me and she was taken away to check she was ok.  She was very quiet and really did not cry.  Initially, she was hanging on and trying not to come out but once she was out she was ok with her new surroundings.  I was allowed to cuddle her for a moment and then she was taken to the nursery and I was taken back to my new room.  Initially I was in a birthing room and had been given some toiletries considering I could not pick up my back.  From the change of rooms, I was unable to get a new set of toiletries but did get some toothpaste.  There was soap in the showers so I only needed soap.   I phoned my husband to let him know he had a healthy beautiful baby daughter and after the first feed with her I was able to have some quality time just admiring her.   She was beautiful.  That night the nurse came in and just pushed my stomach in one spot.  All of a sudden all this blood came rushing form my body.  It was weird and at the start frightening.  From then it was only spotting.  That initial river of blood I guess cleaned out my womb.

The following day my husband arrived in Hawaii from Australia.  I asked if he could go home to the apartment first to pick up my bag, it was already packed, and then come to the hospital.  I informed him that there was a couch that folds down to a bed for him to sleep in located in the room and that he would be able to stay the night.  He didn’t want to do it, I basically had to plead with him and he finally did it.  I finally had some toiletries but only after I heard those words whispered in my ear!

You Stink!!!

I wasn’t too sure what I was suppose to say to that but it was accompanied by a kiss from my husband.    Oh I was feeling the love!  That first night I am not sure who slept more my daughter or my husband, but I did get to do my first sit-up after a caesarean. After a feed I had her resting on my chest to comfort her and once I knew that she was asleep it was time to put her back in her crib.  I looked over to my husband; he had no interest in the feeding or holding her after the feed and had fallen asleep, as he kind of felt obliged to stay in the room.  Knowing that he would not be helping I had to try and sit up without using my arms as I was holding her with both, there were no muscles connected in my stomach but somehow I managed to do it.  For some reason I just felt guilty to wake my husband considering he had been also sleeping on such a long flight.  Oh he did bring me some chocolate, something that he was significantly fond of back from Australia.  As it was a caesarean I could stay in the private hospital for five days.  I chose to only stay for three and that took some negotiation.  As I was concerned it was time to take our baby home, well back to the apartment.  Before we could make the trip home he had to go back to the apartment to pick up the new car seat I had bought.  It was to take a baby form birth to toddler.  When he returned to the hospital and when we had finally found our way out to the car, I saw he had placed the seat in up right and wanted me to put our baby in it.  I said no.  His response; was that I can’t put it down just put her in! I doubted that he had even tried to put it down to the lying down position!!  I decided with the assistance I was getting it was better not to make a scene in front of the hospital and   hold my daughter in the front seat whilst he drove the car back to the apartment.  I had never felt sicker. When we returned to the apartment car park, he started to work on the car seat to lay it down, how it was to be for a small baby.  I guess he knew I was not going to take her in the car again if it wasn’t changed.  I think at that point she was just a little person, not quite his daughter just yet.

Whilst I was in Hawaii the Lieutenant Colonel that I met on Tandem Thrust (Talisman Sabre) and that then posted in as the senior military representative and positioned in the Consulate had his wife became his Personal Assistant.  He also replaced a Navy Commander as the senior military representative in Hawaii.  The Navy Commander was living in a modest house that was within the financial ceiling for the position yet the new Lieutenant Colonel negotiated to move into a mansion that was above the financial ceiling.  I guess he felt he needed more assistance to be effective in his representational role.  I did not have much to do with him except for social functions and the odd passing at work. He was also involved in the planning of the Talisman Sabre exercise that I was working on.  I thought it strange that he had his wife become his personal assistant but then I guess he was a Lieutenant Colonel who would complain.  Both him and his wife never visited myself or my daughter in hospital, which I also found strange for someone filling a senior Officer position for a small Australian defence community that were known to me on the required social basis.  But he was involved in the exercise preparation for Talisman Sabre, and I dealt with him as required at the various planning conferences.  Perhaps he wasn’t impressed with me filling the position in Hawaii during the same time as him considering our past experience on the previous Tandem Thrust (Talisman Sabre) exercise. Our prospective interests did not necessarily cross this time as we were dealing with different aspects of the exercise but we were both from an intelligence back ground, just different sides of the coin.  So the Comedy of Errors would have it I was dealing with the abuser from HMAS ADELAIDE and the Lieutenant Colonel from Tandem Thrust that said I was not suitable for army field intelligence at the same time as dealing with a husband that did not seem to be as supportive of a new wife as one would expect.  It was stressful but not to the point of impacting on my work.  During the posting my daughter’s father would travel back to Australia to fly, building up flying hours and arriving the day after our daughters birth and leaving after two weeks of her life on the outside only to return in time for the trip to Europe that he so desperately wanted to do.

During the time in Hawaii and prior to our daughter’s arrival we or should I say I purchased a house in Brisbane.  It was in Annerly, on Torrens Street as previously mentioned.  I had used the MSBS retention benefit that I had previously discussed as the deposit to purchase the house. Now I was paying for two properties as I was still paying for the rental property at Noosaville as well as paying for our living costs whilst raising a new born.  I had had the Noosaville property since 1994 purchased at the time we received financial advice at HMAS WATSON after the asbestos removal from the accommodation block we were living in at HMAS WATSON.   For me this Noosaville was a great investment as it was this property that allowed me to pay for the expensive Sydney Wedding that my daughter’s father so wanted.  I think the only contribution that he made to the properties and our household living during our married was a couple of body corporate payments and a few groceries.  The property at Noosaville had significant personal attachment for me, as it was where I would spend my childhood holidays until the accident. Basically when we married, he was to bring nothing of financial worth to the relationship and was more insistent than me to have friends and family to provide financial presents.  He did surprise me in 2006 when we were back in Australia; he wanted a costly custody battle instead of working things out amicably.  He also had phoned my unit’s Commandant a Lieutenant Colonel in November 2006 to say that I was unstable as soon yet would not go and see the Lieutenant Colonel in Hawaii to ask if his father could visit.  They were the same rank and from the same Corps. But that was my brave husband!  The Lieutenant Colonel in Hawaii a few months after my return was to become the Commandant at the Defence Intelligence Training Center.  The first Lieutenant Colonel after receiving the phone call from my husband brought me into his office to tell me what my husband had done.  I informed him that I was not unstable but separating and most likely going to divorce.  His response was that was a personal matter and left it as that.  In a couple of weeks he supported my move from the house I was in to another accommodation.  Basically, the accommodation I was in I was receiving an allowance for and I needed to seek approval for continuing to receive the allowance at a separate location.  I didn’t take any furniture but moved into a smaller one-bedroom furnished apartment.  I didn’t want my daughter sitting on the floor or sleeping on the floor at either parents place.  That year after the Lieutenant Colonel from Hawaii posted in, I had my husband manipulating me, and my workplace humiliating me.  Basically in a sense pushing me out the door to where at that point I did not know.  I had to walk away placing me in significant debt, but to my pain I was able to keep the debt away from my daughter, by walking away from a custody battle with her father.  It was a confusing time, and I don’t know how really to explain it but to show a time line, as it was very a very traumatic time and very confusing time for me.  I guess I assumed that with a complete family our relationship would be stronger and not manipulative.  But that was 2006, at the moment in my story, But I have stepped forward a bit and at the moment I have only just had my baby girl and was enjoying some quality time with her, my mother as my husband had left within two weeks of her arrival so was not really there for her at the start.  He had to again return to Australia to build up his flying hours, but would be returning in time for our May 2004 trip to Europe.  But before he left we made a chocolate cake for my daughter’s two-week birthday, he had her try a bit of the icing off of his finger.  Fortunately it did not cause a projectile vomit after her next feed or affect the nappies too much. 

The time to our planned European holiday went by very quickly.  We could not go on a package group tour with a child under the age of two as it would have been too much of an interference for the other members of a tour as we were told by many tour agencies.  We did however create our own package.  It was to be a few days in London and Cardiff in the United Kingdom, Ireland and France.  Initially the flight was east from Hawaii.  We had to fly Hawaiian to Los Angeles, then across the continental United States of American on United, then onto London with British Airways.  Fortunately we were able to get the seats with the bassinet in front the whole way.  It is amazing how much more leg room you actually have when you are given those seats, even with baby in a bassinet.  It was also a very comfortable ride for new parents as our baby girl slept all of the way with each flight.  The British Airways members’ lounges looked like little oasis as each had an area of deck chairs, sun, sand and palm trees.  I guess it was their way of offering their passengers a chance to escape from the hectic life associated with business travel.  For us it was an escape away from the deck chairs, sun, sand and palm trees of Hawaii and a chance to see a part of the world we had never seen before.  As for my daughter, she made it the most comfortable ride by only waking for feeding and nappy changes.  At the airport stopovers we would let her stretch her legs by riding her around the airports in her brand new pram.  

As the plane was coming into land and looking down on London gave us both the most amazing feeling, we were actually here.  We were in London.  First thing first, collect the pram so our daughter could stretch her legs and second down for the luggage.  We had brought with us the designated two large suitcases and one international size carry on suitcase.   The carry on international size carry suitcase was filled with my daughter’s clothes for travel, nappies, toys and more clothes.  Fortunately, she was happy with breastfeeding and we did not have to pack bottles.  My breasts however were tender on landing from the feeds in the air but fortunately I never needed to express in the toilets as she had a good appetite.  For the two suitcases, one was basically hers.  It is amazing, that someone so small could demand so much space in the luggage, but I was never having her in soiled clothes for too long and as for washing clothes, we hadn’t quite worked out how we were going to achieve it.  But after landing I pushed the pram and my husband managed to juggle the suitcases, just!! 

Entry into London and exiting the airport was a bit difficult for us.  The lady on the desk at immigration questioned our official passports.  They were the passports that held our working visas for Hawaii.  She had asked if we were entering on business.  We informed her that we weren’t.  We were actually entering for a holiday and showed her our itinerary.  She told us that we could not enter on these passports as we were not entering for work we needed our personal passports.  We informed her that we had to travel on these passports as they have our visas for the United States of America in them and we would not be able to show our movements after exit for our return to the United States of America, considering that we could only exit the United States of America on those very official passports.  After a bit more of a discussion and my insistence that she could call her supervisor if she liked, she finally let us through.  This was much to the amusement of the other passengers lined up for exiting through immigration.

Finally we were off to our hotel.  It was a small bed and breakfast style near Kensington Gardens.  Initially as it had been a long journey we thought that we would just take some time to rest, pick up some tourist brochures and work out what we were going to see tomorrow.  It ended up being a quiet night and day just taking in the local sights of the area we were staying in.   The next couple of days we did a tourist bus hop on hop off tours of the city.  It allowed us to see the Changing of the Guard, Westminster Abbey, Tower of London, a Thames River Cruise, The House of Parliament, Downing Street, Trafalgar Square and Pall Mall.  But more importantly, the deck chairs of Hyde Park!  The very deck chairs that cost you approximately two pounds to sit on if you wish to sit which I needed to do to feed my new baby, and after all it was a nice park surrounding.  Basically the deck chairs were highway robbery as there was nowhere else to sit in the park.  We had to pay, my daughter was hungry and her dad, well he got to stand and rest his back for a while.  We had been carrying her on a front pack, sharing the load so to speak his time carrying was limited.  I am not sure why, but whenever I carried her I always felt the love from her snuggling into me.  It was the first time I had actually felt true love.

After our couple of days, my husband had the great idea that we could take the subway to the rail station to catch the train to Cardiff, our next destination.  It was one of the scariest experiences of my life.   Prior to this, if we weren’t using the buses we were using the London taxis.  They were amazing vehicles, as my daughter’s pram would fit in the taxi erect and we were allowed to leave her in it, as there were no baby seats in them.  It made travelling around the city very easy.  A little concerning but a lot easier!  As for the subway, there was only one way down to it, and that was via a very steep and very long escalator.  With two large suitcases, one small international size carry on suitcase and one pram it was going to prove very difficult.  We were not allowed to leave any luggage at the top or bottom due to the security precautions that had been implemented and personally it was going to prove very difficult to keep them in sight, with the escalators being very long and very steep.  Basically the stairs on the escalators were also very thin and our large suitcases were just a bit thicker then the stairs, and that was placing them sideways so would need someone gripping them to ensure that they did not roll down onto someone.  It was scary!!!  My husband went down first with the two large suitcases and I had to follow with the pram and smaller suitcase.  It was the longest fifteen seconds of my life as once I was on the escalator I did not move and I think that my knuckles turned white grasping the handle of the pram that I held in front of me.  All I could see in it was my daughter’s beautiful face, asleep and looking so snug and content.  If only she knew at that point how scarred her mother was for her safety.  Once down in the subway embarking and disembarking the tube was very easy it was just the upward escalator at the other end that was the problem.  Again, it was the only way out of the underground but at least this time we could actually see the top of the escalator from the underground so it was not as long.  It was the same again, except this time I went first with the pram and smaller suitcases whilst my husband followed with the two larger suitcases. After my knuckles regained their colour again I could finally say that my daughter was safe at last and we were on our way to Cardiff!

In Cardiff, after disembarking the train we took a taxi to our hotel.  It was one of the longest taxi rides I had taken in my time in comparison to trips I had taken in the United States of America and our trips to Canada, Mexico and now the United Kingdom.   It was also the most expensive.  The taxi driver was quite happy with the trip, with all the turns he took and would not shut up the whole way.  All I could do is look at the meter and dread how expensive this trip was going to be. The Brit rail terminal was apparently some distance from the center of Cardiff, resulting in the cost.  Something we or should I say I had not budgeted for.  Why did we visit Cardiff, well my husband was a rugby fanatic and I have welsh heritage.   It was nice though we had the Cornish pasty and visited a castle, the only castle that we really went inside of.  As for rugby, we didn’t see a game but the trip may have influenced my daughters desire to play rugby in her later years.  Something that I am not that supportive of because she has a beautiful ballerinas’ build!  As for the castles, well, we figured that they would probably all be very similar and not really worth the cost. I know that the cost of the tours goes towards their maintenance but I was in the process of establishing a financial foundation for my own family and would be dealing with the maintenance costs associated with that.  Oh and we did get to do some washing finally, especially my daughters clothes, the pile was getting high for her.  Her changes were averaging probably about four a day, which for most babies only a few months old was probably good or perhaps a bit obsessive on her mother’s behalf.  We also had a chance to take some time out and just fit in with the village culture that we had always wanted to experience.  It was a very unique experience that went very quickly.  After our couple of days of experiencing Cardiff it was off to the Brit rail terminal again for our trip up to Holyhead to catch the ferry across to Dublin.  This trip seemed a lot shorter than our initial trip into Cardiff and the taxi driver that we had this time was a lot quieter.  We had planned the trip to coincide with the ferry departure at Holyhead so that the only accommodation required would be in Dublin as opposed to Holyhead.  It was about this time that we realised that we did really over pack for our trip but it just made it more interesting.  Besides my husband hadn’t been to the gym for sometime so it did not really hurt him to be out there carrying, well pulling the suitcases that were on wheels, and lifting them onto the various transport systems, rails, buses and taxis.  After all as he kept telling me he was an infantry soldier, an infantry soldier that was never going to deploy for Defence.  Once we reached Holyhead the station was near the ferry station and we did not have much of a wait before boarding.  The trip across St Georges Channel was actually quite smooth and comfortable, which was surprising.  On arrival at Dublin we went straight to the hotel.    During our time in Ireland we visited the Guinness factory and got our free pint of Guinness each as part of the cost of entrance.  The bar at the top was amazing and whilst drinking that free pint you were able to look over the whole of Dublin.  For me as I was still breast feeding it was just a taste of Guinness whilst my husband indulged in the two pints, taking his time to savour the taste as one does for a pint of Guinness.  After this it was just general viewing and window-shopping followed by a good hearty pub meal.  We were to learn that the pub meals were actually quite good for both Ireland and the United Kingdom and having a baby with us was not a problem as it was always easy to find a quiet booth away from the noise and smoke.  At this time neither of us was smoking.

Whilst in Dublin, my husband had planned and we finally decided to hire a car and drive down to Cork as apparently his family heritage was part of the black Irish that had landed just outside of Cork.  The drive down was magical, the quaint villages and the rich countrysides were amazing to see until you reach Cork that was more of an industrial city.  We were amazed at how thin some of the streets were as you drove through the villages and thankful that my husband did not have a heavy foot.  On arrival to Cork we had some lunch and then set out to the countryside where apparently his family’s relatives lived.  They were considered distance relatives. The lady at the house after talking to my husband didn’t think that there was a family connection but had given him the story of the original family members that lived there, how they came to acquire the land and what had happened to them.  She had also informed him that it was the same story that he had heard before because she was the same person that had spoken to his other relatives when they had come out to Ireland a few years ago claiming the same family link.  We only had a day trip down to Cardiff and drove back to Dublin that afternoon.  The return drive went well into the evening with my husband’s lack of direction.  It seems that he is ok for finding his way around with a map on his feet but not necessarily in a car.  But then I never saw him in the field as an army officer so cannot really comment on his efforts with using a map on his feet.  Our couple of days in Ireland just flew, we kept ourselves busy with the sightseeing and the Irish experience.  On completion, it was back to the ferry to cross back to Holyhead and the Brit Rail back to London.  We were heading to London to catch the EuroStar across the, or should I say under the English Channel to Paris for a couple of days.   For us it was going to be an amazing experience, we were about to cross three countries in the one day.  Something we had not experienced before.  It was going to be a great day for my husband.  He was going to have to move two large suitcases and one international carry on size suitcase to ferry, from ferry to rail, off rail to EuroStar then EuroStar to taxi and hotel.  I was just going to juggle our beautiful daughter and the pram.  I thought I would take a brake – bit selfish I know.  As usual our daughter slept most of the day, only waking for feeds and nappy changes.  Her cries were only ever short lived; she would never have a tantrum.  For a baby she was just a dream and as a little girl she was an angel. 

Paris was everything we could imagine it to be.  The hotel was like a small bed and break in the middle of a small artesian area.  All the stores around us were boutique in style, small dress shops, coffee shops, chocolate shops and bakeries full of beautiful croissants and pastries.  Breakfast in the hotel was amazing.  Our first meal in Paris before heading out to explore!  It was Croissants, pastries and a nice big bowl of coffee.  We took the hop on hop off tourist bus so that over the next couple of days we could see and venture up the Eiffel Tower, explore the Louvre, Versailles Palace and the Arc de Triomphe and shop on the Champs Elysees.   Didn’t quite get to see Mona Lisa at the Louvre but we were able to see a lot of the Middle Eastern artefacts held by the Louvre as well as the Egyptian Oblisk that’s pair was somewhere else, couldn’t remember where but I know we were informed at the time and Paris’ Statue of Liberty.  Everyday the start was with croissants and pastries and a bowl of Coffee to see us through the day.  The afternoons sightseeing or exploring whilst the nights were absorbing the culture.  The nights we took a cruise on the Seine River to see Paris at night.  The lights on the Eiffel tower and the other grand buildings just showed the grandeur of Paris through the illumination of its architecture.  The few days that we had in Paris just flew and it was back to the Eurostar for a couple of days back in London before returning to the United States of America.  For me I would be finally going back to work; the reason for me being in Hawaii in the first place.

The couple of days back in London were spent at another small hotel and there was another load of washing to complete as the trip back to Hawaii was going to be long.  We had another couple of days in San Francisco planned for exploring prior to returning to Hawaii.   As per usual, our daughter slept most of the way from London to San Francisco, only waking for feeds and sometimes for nappy changes.  The flight attendants on every flight we went on just loved her.  She would not disturb the other passengers and whenever they came over to talk about her she would put the most amazing beautiful smile on her face as if she could hear and understand the beautiful things that were being said by them about her.  San Francisco for us was the bay, the bridge, the trams and the people.  Everything was clam chowder, something we both passed on and had the fish and chips instead.  We had never been ones for clams, and even though they seemed to be on everyone’s lips in San Francisco, they were not going to be on ours.  The hotel that we chose to stay at was a four-star boutique hotel near the bay, it was magical and a chance to get back slowly to the American accent.  For our travels in Europe we never ran into any Americans or Australians.  I guess that was good as it was not high tourist season and we were able to take our time getting to the sights and absorbing the experience.  For the trip the most expensive souvenir that we bought was a hat for our beautiful daughter on the Champs Elysees. It was a very sunny day and I had no head protection for her, I was concerned and went into a boutique for children’s clothing.  The hat was very expensive but as far as I was concerned very necessary.

The first of June 2004 I was back at my desk at work.  My section, seemed happy to see me return.  I think they missed hearing their Aussie counterpart.  For the first couple of days all I could talk about was my daughter, naturally as is any new mothers right. To not shut up about their new child to the extent of annoyance of those that would have to listen.  I was supposed to be leaving at the end of the month, but at that time had heard nothing from the Royal Australian Navy or about a relief.  I knew that I could not really leave the position without conducting a proper handover and was becoming a bit concerned as to why they were taking so long.  I had started to prepare my notes for the hand over and arrange the necessary paper work for my relief to acquire the necessary pass, accesses and computer system log ons so that he or she could be integrated.  I also started to look at the future exercise program to see where he or she would be best suited to provide input.  I could not give a date yet as to my departure from the Joint Intelligence Training Center Pacific and did not know where I was actually going to be posting to back to in Australia.  The staff members that were in my section were compiling my report and were asking me questions to confirm that what they were writing was what I actually did.  I said yes to each of their questions and what they were writing was very complimentary, in some respects a bit too complimentary as I did not feel as though I had performed to the level that they were indicating in the report.  I was never to receive that report and I am not sure why that was but when I was back in Australia and was being humiliated by the Lieutenant Colonel that returned and posted into the Defence Intelligence Training Center where I was to finally post back to he indicated that he received the report and stated that with a laugh.  Indicating to me, as with everything else he was doing to me was not good.  Similarly I never read the report that he stated he had received.

Finally, by the end of June 2004 I had the name of my relief that was posting in to the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific and a date that they would be arriving, the second week of August 2004.  This was extending my posting by two months and extending my return of service obligation by two months.  I could now organise a week for hand over before returning to Australia to where I was not sure.  I looked professionally and personally as to what would be the best option.  I had been working on scenario generation for exercises where we worked closely with Admirals and Ambassadors who had worked in high profile positions and had had a lot of experience.  They assisted in providing advise on the generated scenarios for the exercises and training.  I had not been involved in watch floor management or watch floor operations so realistically could not offer any more to those areas about the interoperability issues that I had previously identified in Australia.  The possibility for a posting back to Australia to the watch floor that I had previously worked in, the Australian Joint Intelligence Centre that had been moved Canberra, with a new baby and a husband that would be off flying for most of the year that did not seem in the best interest for both Defence or myself.  I requested if I could be returned to the Defence Intelligence Training Center for a two year posting before heading down to either Canberra or Sydney again, as I would at least have extended family support there to assist with looking after my daughter as my husbands family were on the Gold Coast near the base I would be working at and my family were planning to move near that same base soon.  They were moving to Beaudesert where the Army Captain I previously mentioned had taken time off to work as a training developer at the local council.  At the time I was informed no.  I reconsidered the watch floor option, and knew the hours that I would have to put in there, from 6 in the morning to early evening if I was to do the position justice like I had done in Sydney would not be good for my daughter so young, especially when her father was not going to be around.  I requested to complete the rest of my Maternity Leave by taking leave without pay.   I intended to live in our new house in Brisbane and allow my husband to support his family for a couple of months.  This did not eventuate either, as a position became available at the Defence Intelligence Training Center and basically as with my move to Hawaii, I was going to be at work on the Friday, well Thursday, I took the last day off in Hawaii and would turn up to work on the Monday at the Defence Intelligence Training Center at Kokoda Barracks Canungra Australia.  There was no point wasting any more of my leave.  

The flights to Australia, the transit accommodation and service provided by the removal companies that we utilised were very good.  We had to have items both shipped and flown back to Australia.  Items flown were on the same flight and were what we would need basically when we had landed; whilst the other items were to be shipped and we would have delivered once we found permanent accommodation.  My daughter at this stage of travel was a bit more restless but fortunately for us and her we were entitled to fly back to Australia by business class and she could stretch her legs by crawling a little bit around the cabin with the extra room.  The business class was only half filled and we made sure that she did not disturb the other passengers.   The position that I was to post into at the Defence Intelligence Training Center, the ‘Center of Excellence’ that the Commandant on my departure to Hawaii had named it and rightly presented a Huon Pine plaque with the Defence emblem and new motto.  It was almost as if he had Christened the building with those words!  And as a comedy of errors the words if abbreviated were reflective of my initials Carol Evans! The position as I was to post back to was with the Defence Intelligence Training Wing, a team established to deliver the entry-level intelligence training to Australian Defence, government and foreign Defence and government intelligence professionals.  It was going to be an interesting couple of years with new family and back now working with the very old guys that I used to have to sit and listen to daily before I went to Hawaii.

On my return to Australia I was to be briefed by an ex Australian Federal Police officer that worked with me at the Defence Intelligence Training Center that if you want to die you need to cut up the wrist not across the wrist.  I was also to receive one of those yellow books ‘For Dummies’.  It was the version ‘Islam for Dummies’ and it was given to me by the Aust Int Corps female Captain that did not talk highly of my friend my ‘Maid of Honor’ or others for that matter.  Within the next twenty four months I completed my Masters in Islamic Studies and completed my second Masters degree in International Relations concentrating on Nuclear Security, had my life torn apart, had my daughter used to manipulate me, had a significant number of reports written about me as being psychologically unstable and forced to transfer to the Royal Australian Navy reserve inactive and off to the Middle East during the period of time they were looking at Nuclear Energy for peaceful purposes.  Whilst there I predominately only associated with ex military and ex police from various nations and basically pushed to live on the streets.  Unique experiences but I never implemented the advice passed to me by my ex Federal Police officer colleague.  But that is the next book that I am sure you will find interesting. The next book will show the efforts our defence force goes to for create pathetic stories that our ex Defence Force members have to carry to apparently create a cover.  The only problem with the story was that I never agreed with it and made sure those I met knew it was a pathetic government and defence created story, which was real and very painful but was government created.  Apparently I was becoming a terrorist!!!